Rude to have a baby shower for Rainbow?

[mikaylasmommy]

I know I'm still quite early, but my mother and sister are already going crazy with ideas for throwing me a baby shower for this baby and since money is tight for them lately, they want to be able to have the coming months to save up all that they can.

Baby showers are touchy for me--the day after I had a baby shower for my first baby, Mikayla, she died. While I was in the hospital, I begged my parents to clean out the nursery and put all of her things in storage for us. I thought it would be too painful to see her brand new, unopened things coming home from the hospital.

Since then, many of her items have been lost (our storage unit is massive and we share it with family) or accidentally thrown out by my parents. I still haven't sifted through all of her stuff to know exactly what I have (and frankly, am not sure if I'm even ready to take inventory of what's missing or not) so I am not sure what baby things I have left and if I would even want to use all or even some of her things.

After talking to a friend about possibly having another baby shower for this baby, she said it would be rude to have one--especially if this baby was a girl, seeing that I just had one two years ago. I was a little taken aback, given that my circumstances weren't exactly the norm, but I guess I could see her point and wanted some suggestions.

Do you think it would be rude to have a baby shower for this baby?

 

[Stepmomtobio]

Two years ago, not rude! I think everyone would understand.

 

[mikaylasmommy]

Thank you for your response.

I think, if God willing everything goes ok this time, celebrating this baby's life would be a wonderful thing to do. And I guess people who find it rude don't have to attend.

 

[letia659]

I dont think its rude at all!! but since it all happened right after your shower maybe have a show the baby off shower around a month after baby is here so everyone can see baby and give him/her gifts but Im only suggesting this for you to be less nervous about the situation. I already had all my big things and lots of clothes etc when we lost our baby girl and I sold or took back all of it because I dont see how I could use any of it for another baby I felt like those were her things iykwim I will have all new for this baby girl its just how I feel about it but I wont have a shower since this is my 4th child 3rd living but I know lots of family will be giving us gifts and my mom is buying the crib I think most people would understand so I say have a shower!

 

[essie0828]

Not Rude. And anyone who thinks so tell them where to stick it. But I do agree if you are nervous you can have an after the baby shower. Good luck hun and try not to torture yourself over the lil things like what baby will use. That all comes in time.

 

[3xscharmer]

It wouldn't be rude if it were less than 2 years apart!! I can't believe that someone wouldn't understand you not wanting to use your Mikayla's things for a new baby if they hold bad memories! Your friend was rude to say such a thing to you especially now that you're pregnant again!! Definatley agree that if a shower holds bad memories you can wait, guess it comes down to what you feel comfortable with. And I want to assure you, that the ppl in your life who really love and care about you will support you and understand!! The nerve of some ppl...uhhhh!!

 

[mikaylasmommy]

I was shocked too and immediately offended by what she said, but lately I've been trying not to be so sensitive about what people say about Mikayla and just sum it up to the fact that they just don't understand because they've never been through it or anything similar. It's hard though, especially when the pain of losing her is still very real to me. I struggle with it every single day. But what can you do?

I think having a celebration after baby is born would be perfect, but DH is against it because 1) he doesn't think that so many people should be touching/around the baby too soon and 2) he thinks that we should treat this pregnancy and baby with the same excitement and love as we did our first and not let our fears get in the way of celebrating this baby the way he feels he/she deserves to be. I'm torn though and he understands.

Thank you all for your responses. I really, really appreciate it.

 

[Mynxie]

Do what makes you and your DH happy huni.

It's not rude - and to be frank, people will want to be there for you and just because you have Mikayla's stuff, doesn't mean that people won't want to buy things for this LO! *Massive hugs* Thinking of you. Can't believe how hurtful people can be sometimes. xxxx

 

[EMC0528]

I think that having a loss is devastating but it shouldn't mean you can't celebrate your next pregnancy. It's not rude at all. This rainbow baby is a blessing that you should celebrate if you want to.

 

[Affyash]

Yeah I just wanted to add that it is absolutely RUDE to insinuate that it would be rude to have another baby shower. Your friend should understand how you must feel and if she doesn't, she's obviously not very supportive. Just wanted you to know that I think each and every baby, whether they stay with us or not, should be celebrated and loved.

 

[Twinkie210]

Not rude at all... anyone that thinks so can just not come!