Scared and not feeling like a good mother...

[superfrizbee]

My DS (nearly 6 months) had a stroke at 7 weeks. His consultant neurologist has mentioned "evidence of emerging left sided dystonic hemiplegia". We see a private physio tomorrow and nhs physio and occupational therapist on the 24th. I'm so scared not knowing what the future holds for my son and what challenges he'll face. Sometimes I'm alright and then something will set me off and I'll become an emotional basket case. I spend time doing massage and exercises but I beat myself up that it's not enough, or if there are days when I cant do as much. I'm scared that our future is endless therapy sessions and that's what he'll remember from his childhood. With all of this I'm worried about being a bad mother to my daughter and not having time, energy or the emotional fortitude to play with her properly. I seem to resort to films or ipad far too much. I'm filled with regret for the life we could have had and sometimes I dont know how to move forwards. Sorry for the rant, does anyone have any advice or kind words?

 

[PresqueVu]

I'm so sorry to hear this. You are not a bad mum by any means, that sounds like a great deal to process. You need time to come to terms with things and time to yourself - that doesn't make you bad, it makes you human

 

[alibaba24]

even without these extra circumstances we tend to need other things to occupy our kids for periods of time just to catch a breather. sometimes the weight of everything u need to be doing with your child is heavy mentally. try and take 1 day at a time and dont punish yourself when you cant do things as you will only make ur mood worse. theres lots of supportive ladies on here too x

 

[Cattia]

So sorry to hear that you're going through this, it sounds very scary and overwhelming. Hopefully once you've met the physio you'll get better information and maybe things will be a bit clearer. Don't beat yourself up about your daughter, I'm sure you are doing a great job and a little it more TV won't make any difference to her at all. Children are much more resilient than you think and I'm sure your DS will adapt well to having therapy. Is there a support group for parents whose children have the same condition? It might be really helpful to chat or meet with others who have the same problems.

 

[sethsmummy]

Im so sorry your feeling like this. I bet you are an amazing mummy! The best way to think of the therapy sessions is.. yes your current future may be filled with different therapies etc BUT your son will know as he grows up that its all to help him have a better future
Does your Daughter help with the things you do for DS? You could make it fun for her and i bet she would enjoy helping her little brother get stronger. We all have to take time out at some points hun and we all resort to different things to keep our children occupied.

When ds1 has any appointments ds2 always usually comes with us so that he feels involved and usually the health proffesionals dont mind and always try to include him unless its something he really cant.

you are a wonderful mummy who is doing everything to make sure that your baby has the best future possible... dont beat yourself up for that. It makes you super mum

 

[AP]

Oh hun! You sound just like I did in my first year with my daughter.
You ARE doing more than most mothers need to. You are doing a fantastic job. You'll look back and wish you enjoyed your time with DS more without the worry - you are doing everything you can possible and more, I promise. Make sure Freya is involved too - sethsmummy's advice is spot on.

 

[Starry Night]

I understand it's so hard not to blame yourself. I do it all the time too. I think we moms undersell ourselves. You sound like a good mom. You care and that matters so much.

I'm reading a book right now about a mom with an autistic child and she realized that even special needs kids with all their therapies need to have a childhood and have special memories that any other child would have. So I am hoping to be able to still do some fun things with my kids. I am going to let my son have his movies and soccer in the backyard and his books.

I also worry about the balance between my kids. My younger daughter appears to be developing normally and yesterday I watched her crawl around and see that she is already socially on par with her older brother and this innocent babe already has the burden of having to care for him on her small shoulders. Makes me feel like crap but she loves her brother to pieces.

We will do what we have to. And I have hope that there will be many wonderful memories to cherish too. We can do it.