Scared to go back to the way i use to be....

[jacky24]

Firstly im scared people might judge me for the things i am going to write down today but i need to confess..

I use to have anorexia....

Yes i use to weigh in at 92pounds and 5ft 74 i was very ill as i was 51pounds under weight, i was always dizzy and ill and very depressed only due to my boyfriend at that time use to tell me i am fat and ugly.

Now this morning i have been having thoughts of maby just doing some of the things i use to do to get my weight down as the weight is starting to really get me down.

I have never in my life been so fat and ugly and worst of all uncomfortable..

I use to wear a size 6, and when i met my OH i was a size 10 now im a size 16/18 i hate it....

I know it is wrong to want to go down that road again but with all my problems and my body keeping insulin back it feels like im fighting a losing battle. And OH would never forgive me as he knew me when i was so skinny and he knew what i did as he was my best friend at school and till date he has said he will never forgive my ex for putting me and my body thru hell.

But i just can't anymore....

 

[NeyNey]

My little sister went through anorexia, and we almost lost her one more than one occasion.

She's been healthy now for around 7 years but she confesses to me (not mum, as mum couldn't take it) that she sometimes get the same tendencies when she's on a "health" kick"

When I first asked her what stops her, she told me "I can't put you guys through that again". And to this day it's the only thing that keeps her from going back down there.

So if I can offer one piece of advice sweetheart it's use those you love to give you strength. I know you're EX is a pretty horrible person but there must have been family close to you that you can remember back to how they reacted? Speak to those you love and let them know you're fears. I think you'll find more support than you think

Thinking of you

 

[XKatX]

If you want to loose weight, but are scared of going down that route again, get some advice from a doctor. They may be able to refer you to a nutritionist, who will aid you in safe weight loss. I have never suffered with this and don't know anyone who has, but I do know that there is helpout there for you. Just don't be afraid to ask for it. Big for the future hun x x

 

[lorrilou]

my mum suffered from anorexia from the age of 17 and it still rules her life now at 43, she isnt anorexic anymore but she eats like a bird and is constantly exercising.

speak to someone hun, dont put yourself through that again, it really isnt worth it.

 

[brownhairedmom]

I personally think tha anorexia is like an addiction - you can stop, you can get "better" but you'll always have thoughts of it.

I would speak to your doctor and he/she may possibly advising speaking with a therapist throughout your weight-loss journey to help keep you from slipping.

 

[BurtonBaby]

I would also suggest speaking to a nutritionist and a therapist to help guide you through healthy weight loss. And I completely agree with Rae, anorexia is an addiction. And addiction to control of your life, your body. Its not easy to stop once you have started, and its easy to fall back to it. (The same way addicts think too, I'll just go back to the old ways to lose this many pounds, then I'll stop) But there are healthier ways of doing it.

I too was anorexic. I cheerleaded and danced in middle school, but when I moved on to the high school teams, it was a whole different world. I was chubby, and most of the other girls were thin. I guess I wanted to fit in. I didn't realize what I was doing really for months, I considered it dieting. The weigh was dropping off of me so quickly because of my super active schedule (cheer 3x/wk, dance 5x/wk, plus being a regular kid running around everywhere). When I came home to visit my mom for the holidays, she said I looked great! And I was happy. Then when I came back to live with her in April that year, she said I looked sick. She took me to the doctor, and I gained a little weight, and until after graduation I stayed at a healthy weight by eating good and being active.

Now I've gained a lot of weight and I too have thought about the old ways. I started dieting, and keeping a food journal. My BIL is a personal trainer so I go over things with him, mostly about exercise. When he asked to see my food journal, he kinda freaked out. I had been eating less than 800 calories a day, while exercising 2hrs/day and keeping up our house and taking care of Erica. I didn't even realize that I was starting to go back down that path again...

Sorry for going on and on... But I just wanted you to know your not alone. I think once you have experienced anorexia, you will always suffer from it. There have been so many times over the years that I have thought about it, even tho I know its not the right way to lose weight. I'm here if you ever want to talk.

 

[genkigemini]

Ahhh, Honey. I agree with all the other girls. Get a nutritionist or someone else you can really trust to advise you and help you.

Also, post with us too and I promise to be brutally honest and you can do the same for me as I got too skinny last WW go as well.

Love ya, Honey! I am always here for you!

 

[todteach]

I'm so sorry that you're feeling this way right now. I want to give you a great big hug. You need to know that you are absolutely beautiful.

No one is going to judge you hun. I also suffered from anorexia when I was younger. From grade two to grade nine, I ate as little as possible. Not trying to make you feel sorry for me, just need you to know that others know what you are feeling right now too.

Whenever I find myself in a situation that I can not control, I will have thoughts of going back to not eating. With me it was all about control, it wasn't about being fat. However, I will always proudly tell people, that I used to be the smallest in my class. Like it's a competition, and it's not. Yes, I was the smallest, but it was because I was sick.

I hope that you're able to talk to someone that will be able to help you loose weight properly. You need to be healthy hun.

When I lost 48 pounds last year, I was on the "gi diet". It is absolutely healthy, and you're not depriving your body of anything. My doctor recommended it to me. It's not a fad diet, it's making healthy choices. It's all about increasing your fibre intake. Definetly worth looking into. It's recommended to heart and stroke patients (which i am not). Worked very quickly for my husband and I last year. The pounds just melted off of us. Didn't even feel like we were doing anything that different. Seriously, if I can do it, anyone can. Got rid of all white bread products and replaced with whole wheat. Anyways, take a look at their website. I think it's www.gidiet.com

Take care of yourself hun. You're gorgeous.

Sending you my love.

 

[Sarahkka]

My husband and I also followed the GI diet ad I lost 25 lbs very quickly and kept it off.
It really advocates choosing nutritionally dense calories (you don't feel like you are dieting at all) and getting exercise - just common sense stuff.
I echo what everyone here has said: you should not try to do this by yourself. You absolutely must get the help of your doctor and a nutritionist who know your past history. You sound very emotional about the weight. That alone should help you recognize that you are probably not in a good state to accurately judge healthy weight loss for yourself.
Best of luck to you.