Scared to tell my family

[BrandiCanucks]

I'm a single mom of 3 kids and found out yesterday I'm pregnant with Number 4. I used a sperm donor, who is a friend of mine, and we did AI at home.

I'm scared, because two years ago, I had my tubes tied, and 6 weeks ago, I had them untied, but I never told anyone I had them untied.

Right now, I'm being followed closely by my surgeon who is doing hcg levels every 48 hours and once they hit 1000, he's going to book an ultrasound to make sure it's not in the tubes.

My family is going to be ANGRY, especially my mom. I want so badly to just rip the bandaid off and let the negativity flow now, rather than when I get further along in the pregnancy.

So here are my three choices. Which would you choose?

1. Wait until Christmas and wrapped a framed ultrasound photo. Inside the frame leave a note that says "Hi Grandma! I love you already and will be arriving in July 2014!" I'll be 10 weeks.

2. Spill it now and take the heat and negativity and the "How did this happen?" and anger, etc

3. Wait. At least until the ultrasound to make sure it's not in the tubes, and then do number 2.

 

[Perseids]

I was also scared to tell my family. I'm unmarried, the baby was unexpected. So, I can definitely sympathize with how anxiety-provoking it is breaking the news.


I like the idea of the Christmas photo, personally. In reality, Christmas isn't that far away at this point in time. By that time, you'll known if everything is going well with the pregnancy and it is a way to add some cheer into a situation that you know will produce some negativity at first. That being said, I would probably give the photo separately when you will be alone with the member or members of your family you first want to break the news to (i.e. don't do it around a bunch of people or at the main gift unwrapping). That way it will give your family time to process their emotions and talk to you about it without really putting a damper on any other Christmas festivities there might be.

Good luck! Congratulations on your pregnancy!

 

[Night Flower]

Do you live at home? Have your three kids?

I don't see why your mothers anger or not, would make your nervous?

If youre a full grown woman, be proud. You knew what you were planning while having a friend give you sperm. You knew what you were planning when you got your tubes undone.

Be a proud woman. Don't be nervous. Be excited!

I'm excited for you and CONGRATS!

-Night Flower

 

[Night Flower]

Sorry I didn't answer your three choices. I cannot choose.

I'm waiting until I'm 13 weeks pregnant to tell my family and my man's family we're pregnant. I get my 12 week scan (first scan) and ultra sound right before Thanksgiving so during TG I plan on giving the big news with photos of ultra sound.

So the Xmas one is the most I'd relate to and do.

 

[Teeny]

maybe write a card with the pic explaining ur reasons and feelings in a gentle and a non provoking way. and maybe not at Xmas but a bit before Xmas as it is an emotive time. xxxx

 

[ChellePepper]

I say 3. My family was happy, but my fiancé and I are terrified to tell his parents. I keep wanting to wait, at least until we know everything is ok, but he wants to get it over with.

 

[BrandiCanucks]

My mother was pissed when I got pregnant with my third, pissed when I got pregnant with my second...apparently, according to her, I don't need more than one. She LOVES the other two and she got over it once she saw the ultrasounds, but her initial reaction is going to be that she's pissed, and she's a yeller and extremely opinionated. She'll even go as far as to tell me never to talk to her again. I raise my kids on my own (they do see their dad) but I support them financially by myself. I don't get child support, and I work full time to support them. I wouldn't have made the decision to have a 4th if I knew I couldn't afford it. If I can pay for the surgery, I can afford a 4th.

I know right now, she's gonna flip because I have hit a financial bump from being off from my surgery. She doesn't know I had the surgery. I didn't have any income come in for almost a month, and then of course my van breaks down twice in a week, and my son needs new glasses, all in the same week, just as I'm starting to recover financially.

She thinks I was only off for a week when I was really off for 3.

Ugh, I'm so scared.

 

[skye93]

Well I'm not one to be giving advice on this subject.. I'm 18 weeks next and am yet to tell my mother in law... lol! She wasn't overly thrilled about DS, so I'm not sure how she'll react. I'm planning on giving her a picture of our son holding a black board saying "I'm going to be a big brother 2014" but am going to wait until my anatomy scan next week so we can find out what is. If it's another boy it'll be her 4th grandson (no grandaughters or daughters just 3 sons) so maybe she'll be happy if it's a girl!

I would wait until your scan to make sure it's not in the tubes. Then I would just rip the bandaid off and get it over with.

 

[Rachie004]

I'm sorry that you're in this situation. I think pregnancy is such a wonderful and beautiful thing that there shouldn't be any fear or anxiety about sharing your news but I can sympathise enitrely as I have no intention of telling my mum - I'm even trying to delay OH telling his family until Christmas; not because I'll think they'll be negative but.. I dunno, there is just something that is making me not look forward to them knowing, I love that this pregnancy is our little secret and I feel like as soon as we tell people then people will try to lay a claim to being part of it somehow.

Anyway, I'm babbling - If I were you I would wait until you know everything is okay and then go with the suggestion Teeny made a couple of weeks before Christmas so that if there is any upset then there is time for things to hopefully resolve themselves. I hate the idea of you telling you mum then having the worst happen and her being unkind and unsupportive of you when you need her to be. I hope I'm not judging your mum too harshly, I only have mine for comparison xx

Congrats on your bfp xx

 

[Coco Tutu]

Congrats on your pregnancy!!!!
I am with Teeny as well. A bit before Christmas sound like a good idea, so they have time to digest the news. And I would be open to answer questions, but unapologetic. It's YOUR life

 

[BrandiCanucks]

Yes, it is my life. I know she`ll come around eventually, but the initial reaction is going to be completely negative and it`s gonna stress me out. I think I`ll wait until I see a heartbeat and in the uterus and then announce it.

I lost two babies at 6 weeks a few years ago, only far enough to see a sac, so I won`t relax about this pregnancy until I see a sac, in the uterus, and a beating little heart.