Secondary infertility - anyone else experiencing it?

[Cookie1979]

Hi Everyone

I'm posting this all over the place in hope that I'll find someone who is in the same boat.

I've been trying to conceive baby number 2 for 21 months now, I have PCOS and already have a little boy who is 4, he was conceived without trying.

I wish I'd gone to the doctor sooner, but I really thought it would happen, but months and months passed and nothing did happen. Eventually went to the doctor last year, had blood tests and everything came back normal and that I'm ovulating. My hubby was dragging his heels in regards to having his sperm tested, but eventually agreed, just before Christmas he got his results and it confirmed all is normal, so looks like I'm the problem. Not overly surprised by that. The doctor said she would only refer us to a fertility specialist after my hubby had his test and results but I kicked up a fuss and the doctor agreed to do it sooner, so next week we are seeing the fertility specialist at the local hospital.

As we're in the UK and it's the NHS I know we aren't entitled to much, but fingers crossed they will give me Clomid and perhaps Metformin (for my PCOS).

Been finding it really tough lately, all the women from my postnatal group have gone on to have baby number 2, and one of my oldests friends whose little boy is 10 days younger than my son (and who said she didn't want another baby) is pregnant and the baby is due at the beginning of April. When she told me I felt terrible, I cried for days, I felt horrible for feeling like that but I couldn't change it, I couldn't stop crying. I just feel like every time I pick myself back up something else knocks me down.

I think people think I shouldn't feel bad, that it shouldn't hurt because I already have a child, but I do hurt and it does suck big time that I can't get pregnant. I tell myself that I'm lucky that I have a child, and I am lucky and I love him to the moon and back, he's my everything, but I so badly want a brother or sister for him, he asks regularly if he can have a brother or sister to play with, the age gap is going to be too big now for a play mate as such, but still would be nice if he did get to have a brother or sister.

I'm 35, 36 in May so my assumption is that my eggs just aren't that great quality anymore.

x

 

[Lilly09]

Hello!

I can empathise completely. We did struggle with our first, it took two years but eventually happened naturally. So when after a year and a half nothing was happening for number 2, I went to the docs for blood tests. Came back relatively normal with a slightly low progesterone level so I just assumed as things had been a bit busy of late, maybe I just needed to relax a bit. 6 months later and still nothing so went back to discover I am not ovulating. I assume that this was the same first time round and I just randomly ovulated one month. Who knows. My little boy is 3 and I am just so worried that he and a sibling won't be close if the age gap is too big. People are falling pregnant right left and centre all around me.

I am on the second round of Clomid now so fingers are crossed. The first round didn't even make me ovulate. In fact my progesterone was lower than before.

I am sure that now you are getting help, it will all be fine and your little boy will love looking after his little sibling because he will be old enough to get really hands on. (Maybe I should start listening to my own words of advice! Haha!) xxx

 

[WhiteOrchid24]

Hi Cookie & Lilly,

I just wanted to share a link to a thread that I am part of and have been for almost 18 months....

https://babyandbump.momtastic.com/secondary-infertility/1982373-35-trying-2-19-months-am-alone.html

There are lots of lovely ladies on this thread and everyone is experiencing S.I. for different reasons so lots of advice if you need/want it. Plus we all are going through the same thing so totally understand how you feel. Since the thread started we have had 4 pregnancies with the 4th due to have her twins in the next month!!

My signature pretty much explains what's going on with me but I'm happy to answer any questions. Hope to see you over on the thread and fingers crossed your stay is only a short one and you both get those BFPs soon

 

[Cookie1979]

Thank you WhiteOrchard, I am definitely going to join your thread...I think one of the things that's been bothering me recently is that I have no one to talk to who understands and I've been feeling very alone, like I'm the only one who can't conceive baby number 2.

Lily - The fact that you conceived after 2 years gives me hope. How are you finding Clomid? I hope it works for you! I ideally wanted a 3 year gap but its going to be more like 5 if it even happens. We've got to keep hoping haven't we?!

xx

 

[Smille24]

I am also going through this. When I was 21, I got into a relationship with the wrong guy. Long story short I got pregnant on birth control. My daughter is going on 6 and my husband and I have been trying to conceive for 18 months and are struggling. My blood test shows I ovulate, but my cycles have been all over the place since I've had my daughter. I am now trying OPK since the Basal Temp method has not worked. I fear that my husband is the one with fertility issues because it will tear him apart. He has been an amazing father to my daughter and it would mean so much to us if he could have a child of his own. At the same time, my obgyn is telling me that 5 yrs can make a huge difference in fertility, so maybe I'm the problem. I am desperate to get pregnant without assistance from medication, but it may come down to that. How can I get pregnant on the pill, but can't get pregnant to save my life actually trying? Everyone I know are having babies and it is so hard to be happy for them. Yes, I am blessed to have my little girl, but I want to have a child with my husband as well. It doesn't help that my in laws keep hounding us about expanding our family. Rather than telling them we are having problems, I have found it less painful to say I'm done having kids. If I say we're struggling, I fear they will not understand because I got pregnant before. My girl also keeps asking for a sibling, it's so depressing. I really need to talk to someone who understands.

 

[Cookie1979]

Hi Smille - Best thing you can do is get your hubby checked out, I know its a worry but its better to know. My hubby really dragged his heels in regards to getting his Sperm Analysis but he did it and all was fine...I'd been thinking it was him as I ovulate. Its looking more likely that neither of us are the problem. Its very frustrating to have had a baby with ease, to then try and nothing happening...you just think if you did it once, surely you can do it again, but apparently not. I have age against me as I'm 36 in May, it could be my age that is causing the problem. You are young so if you are ovulating I would imagine you are fine. Sometimes its that there is nothing wrong with either of you and its completely unexplained...sometimes I wonder if that's worse, at least if there was something wrong you could work on fixing it, but when its unexplained you can't fix something that isn't broken!!!

xx

 

[Smille24]

Thanks Cookie for your response. It is difficult to discuss the possibility that he may be the one with the fertility problem. As soon as the topic is brought up, he shuts down. I think after a few more months of disappointment he'll be willing to see a fertility doctor. Let's just hope it does not come down to that. I am trying to remain positive.

 

[Lilly09]

Hi everyone.

Thank you WhiteOrchid24, I will check out that thread!

Smile24, hello. Sorry to hear you are also going through a hard time. If it helps, my husband was convinced it was him that was the problem due to an op he had as a child. However, he came back all fine. Turns out it's just me! I was told by a nurse that you are more fertile if you miss a pill or when you first come off the pill as your overies go into overdrive. I know so many people who conceived while on the pill. One of my friends conceived 3 out of her 4 children while on the pill. Shocking! I hope you get some answers soon and you find easy solutions to whatever the problem is.

Cookie, hi! I'm not finding Clomid too bad thanks. I am very short tempered on it though, like PMS and during the 5 days that I take the tablets, I am starving! It did make me ovulate this month so that's great but no pregnancy so now here I am worried that there is something else amiss. Must. Stop. Fretting. How are you now?