Self settling hit and miss ?

[cupcake.]

Hello ladies,

I'm just a little bit confused by my LOs sleeping.
My 6 month old does know how to self settle. She does it without a fuss every night (sometimes she falls asleep feeding and stays asleep when we put her down, but a lot of times she is put down awake watches her nightlight for a bit and then just shuts her eyes and sleeps) and for a lot of naps, though not every nap. I'd say maybe 40% of naps are completely self settled, 50% i hold her hand for a while and then there's the odd nap every now and then that's a struggle.

Don't get me wrong, I think she does extremely well and I know lots of babies aren't like that - hell she didn't used to be like that it just sort of happened.

What I just don't understand is why she can fall asleep completely on her own but when she wakes slightly, she can't go back to sleep on her own? It's better at night but naps are always 30/35mins, waking up and then i have to help her go back to sleep with a lot of hand holding, shushing, belly rubbing, even when she didn't need it for initially falling asleep. And if i'm too slow to get to her she won't fall back asleep but is obviously not rested at all and will probably have a good screaming session for her next nap.

I always hear if babys can't fall back asleep it's usually due to sleep associations which i totally get. But why can't my baby fall back asleep even when she did it totally by herself initially? And what can i do about it? I try to just leave her for a while if she's just babbling and moving, even when she starts fussing/whining but when she actually starts crying is when i'll definitely go and try to settle her (without picking her up). At that point though it's often too late to get her back asleep...

I hope all of that made sense and I guess i'm just wondering if anyone's baby was the same? Is there anything i can do about it? I'm extremely hesitant to let her cry, she's still so young.
Or do you think it's something she'll learn eventually all on her own and i just need to tough it out and deal with the crap naps or being fast enough to put her back to sleep?

Any advice would be highly appreciated

 

[MindUtopia]

She is so little and I think you just need to adjust your expectations. You likely can't just pop into bed every night without a glass of water or reading a few pages of a book or cuddling with your partner or some other soothing routine and be asleep in 5 minutes and babies are just the same. Mine didn't self settle once until maybe close to a year (which seems pretty normal to me). She's 4 now and she generally goes to sleep on her own nearly every night now after having cuddles and milk and a story, but even still there are occasions when she needs more help. She doesn't often wake during the night anymore, but when she does it's usually because of a night terror or she feels sick or something isn't right and yes, she does take settling back to sleep, even though I'm sure she must wake plenty of times I don't know about it and go straight back to sleep on her own. That's normal and will be for awhile still and there isn't necessarily a reason for it. I would just go with it and enjoy the nights when it's a little easier. Things will always be changing and will probably be very different in several months time (including possibly more challenging before it gets easier), so I wouldn't stress that you somehow aren't doing something right. Sounds all very normal to me.

 

[cupcake.]

She is so little and I think you just need to adjust your expectations. You likely can't just pop into bed every night without a glass of water or reading a few pages of a book or cuddling with your partner or some other soothing routine and be asleep in 5 minutes and babies are just the same. Mine didn't self settle once until maybe close to a year (which seems pretty normal to me). She's 4 now and she generally goes to sleep on her own nearly every night now after having cuddles and milk and a story, but even still there are occasions when she needs more help. She doesn't often wake during the night anymore, but when she does it's usually because of a night terror or she feels sick or something isn't right and yes, she does take settling back to sleep, even though I'm sure she must wake plenty of times I don't know about it and go straight back to sleep on her own. That's normal and will be for awhile still and there isn't necessarily a reason for it. I would just go with it and enjoy the nights when it's a little easier. Things will always be changing and will probably be very different in several months time (including possibly more challenging before it gets easier), so I wouldn't stress that you somehow aren't doing something right. Sounds all very normal to me.

Thanks for your input!
I really don't mind helping her to sleep. She is doing so well and for the first about 3 1/2 months she was only napping while being held until she just someday didn't need that anymore as if she was like "okay i trust you now, now let me sleep in peace". So i do know compared to that she actually only needs very little help sleeping.

I guess i was just a bit confused since she falls asleep just fine but then can't continue her sleep but you are right, sometimes i wake up in the middle of the night and can't fall back asleep even though i did it just fine in the evening

I guess I will just continue to try and be there fast enough to help her continue napping as that gets her the sleep she needs to wake up happy and rested.

Thanks again though. As a first time mom sometimes just hearing "don't worry it's normal, you're not doing anything wrong" can make all the difference!

 

[jessmke]

Mine was exactly the same, she self settled at bedtime and for every nap, but she still woke a lot at night and couldn't get herself back to sleep, so I was having to get up 4 or 5 times a night with her. Then one night a few days before her first birthday she slept through the night without me having to do or change anything. Since then she would still occasionally wake at night if she was teething or had a cold and one of us would have to go lay down with her. Then this past week she had a cold and woke up once a night for three nights in a row but got herself back to sleep without us. It just takes time, do whatever you need to get your baby back to sleep and she will eventually get to a place where she no longer needs your help.

 

[Zephram]

Self-settling is a myth made up to make new parents feel bad. Seriously, it sounds funny, but I really believe it. The vast majority of babies need help to sleep and stay asleep and that is normal, it's not something you're doing or they're doing that's wrong, it's just a part of a being a baby.

After having two kids and especially with my first feeling like a failure because my kids didn't sleep like the perfect babies in the stories no matter what I did, my advice for baby sleep is "stop stressing and just do what works for you".

Of course she will learn to do it on her own! Even if you do NOTHING your baby will learn to sleep through all by herself when she is ready to.

 

[cupcake.]

Thanks Ladies! I've just been continueing with what works for her to stay asleep or go back to sleep. And i'll do that as long as she needs me to. I really don't mind, it was just that every source says if they don't have problematic sleep associations they're all set to settle back when awaking during the night or a nap.

Zephram, yeah you might be onto something there! I just always hear my mom saying how me and my sisters were all so different than my baby. We'd just fall asleep wherever, have our naps and wake up happy babies. I'm not sure i really believe it but she tells it so convincing

 

[xdxxtx]

Let me sound crazy by saying that I hold all of my babies for their naps until they're ready to go nap in their beds, usually at around 18-24 months old. Naps are hard. There's LIFE going on around behind them. It's not dark and complete silence... Birds are chirping, cars are going by a lot more often, people are doing things... Babies don't wanna miss out on the fun. It sounds like you're doing everything just right, to me.

 

[Megandelv88]

Thanks Ladies! I've just been continueing with what works for her to stay asleep or go back to sleep. And i'll do that as long as she needs me to. I really don't mind, it was just that every source says if they don't have problematic sleep associations they're all set to settle back when awaking during the night or a nap.

Zephram, yeah you might be onto something there! I just always hear my mom saying how me and my sisters were all so different than my baby. We'd just fall asleep wherever, have our naps and wake up happy babies. I'm not sure i really believe it but she tells it so convincing

My husband's grandma says this about her babies. But honestly I think they are just remembering how they want to. Naps and bed time barely work for us lately. I wish it were that easy.

 

[cupcake.]

Thanks Ladies! I've just been continueing with what works for her to stay asleep or go back to sleep. And i'll do that as long as she needs me to. I really don't mind, it was just that every source says if they don't have problematic sleep associations they're all set to settle back when awaking during the night or a nap.

Zephram, yeah you might be onto something there! I just always hear my mom saying how me and my sisters were all so different than my baby. We'd just fall asleep wherever, have our naps and wake up happy babies. I'm not sure i really believe it but she tells it so convincing

My husband's grandma says this about her babies. But honestly I think they are just remembering how they want to. Naps and bed time barely work for us lately. I wish it were that easy.

I mean there may be some easy peasy babies like that that just love their sleep but surely she couldn't have three of those?

It's mostly nap time for us. At most nights i have to get up to sooth back to sleep once and once to feed and when 5am rolls around i always take her into our bed because OH gets up and ready for work and when she sleeps next to me she doesn't mind the noise and OH doesn't have to tiptoe.

Naps are more our struggle but like pp said, naps are hard. I do have to darken the room. Her first nap is almost always the easiest probably because she has it in our bed and i either just lie next to her or take a nap as well. So that first nap can sometimes even be around 2 hours long. I'm contemplating putting her in our bed for the other two naps as well since that seems to work. I've always been leaning towards doing what my instinct tells me, but somehow with that the bad habit thing is in the back of my mind..
i wouldn't mind her taking her naps in our bed well into toddlerhood, but I don't want her to need to be in our bed at night as well.
OH is a very deep sleeper, moves around a lot and also snores. He isn't comfortable with her in our bed and though i love the cuddles come 5am i do also get more rest sleeping alone..

And also i feel like she may be starting to gear up to dropping down to two naps. She's obviously not ready for 2 naps yet, but try telling that to a baby

 

[newbie2013]

Pleased I stumbled upon this thread. Makes me feel more positive about helping ds nap!

 

[cupcake.]

Newbie2013 yes don't feel bad! if it gets them the sleep they need and they're still only so little.

I actuall did start putting her down to nap in our bed. And it's working really well so far, and her nighttime sleep hasn't changed either. I don't even have to do a lot to help her fall asleep and stay asleep. I do still lie next to her, so maybe she just needs to know i'm right there?
Whatever it is, she naps pretty decently there so i will keep it up for now. As soon as we get another cord for the baby monitor camera i'll try leaving the room when she's asleep so i can get things done around the house. But if that makes her sleep worse again i guess i'm doomed to have about an hour long rest in bed three times a day.

 

[BabyGirl999]

My baby is exactly the same! Self settles mostly at night, self settles for some naps but for others needs rocked, sometimes wakes up after 45 mins still tired and needs rocked again! He is 7 months and although I know this is totally normal (he is my 3rd baby), most people in real life seem to have babies that just sleep whenever and wherever!! It is easy to get disheartened but it honestly sounds totally normal to me!

My mum also claims that all of her 5 children slept all night from a few weeks old and hardly cried etc etc I think she's doting ��