Should the baby have my last name?

[unknown87649]

I'm not sure if I'm posting this in the right place!

I really want my baby to have the same last name as me.

We've been engaged for 18 months & the plan was to get married this December, but I'd prefer to wait a while, maybe an extra 12 months. This has nothing to do with the state of our relationship, but I'd like to feel and look my best on my wedding day. If we get married in December it will only be a month or so after the birth.

Also, I'm English and my fiance is Slovak. I spend most of my time in his country, but I'll be giving birth in the UK so I'm close to my family and friends, I'm planning on staying in the UK for at least 6-12 months. Once I get the babies passport I might be traveling with him alone and apparently that's more difficult if you have different last names.

In Slovakia it's tradition to add "ova" to the last name for females. So once me and OH get married, we'll share the first part of the last name but it will end differently. This makes me a bit sad and I guess knowing that the baby will have my maiden name on his birth certificate makes me feel a bit better about it, even though his name will be changed later on.

I'm not sure if I'm being silly and I should just give our son my fiances last name to begin with?

 

[Lau88]

If that's what you feel comfortable with then do it. My dd has a double barrel surname mine then ohs. This baby will be the same, honestly id of liked them to just have my name but that just wasn't possible. We wont be getting married so its not like if they had ohs surname id ever share it and i felt uncomfortable with my children having nothing to do with me name wise.

 

[staceymxxx]

Similar situation, my OH thinks we should give baby his surname only.. i want my surname as we aren't married yet. My compromise is double barrel and if we get married then i will go double barrel too.. he wasn't happy but i'm not budging lol!

 

[MummyToAmberx]

Give the baby the surname you want

My children were given my surname, i was in no way giving them my partner surname *in case* anything did happen. You just dont know, getting their surname changed back to mine would be more difficult.

We tied the knot last year and changed their surname not as straight forward as i hoped and of course we had to pay for new certs.

 

[bumpbear]

I would ask yourself why being married or not makes a difference to the name you give your child?

I guess I am quite traditional in that I like having my father's surname and I like that lineage can be traced easily this way.

Also, I had the privilege of carrying baby and giving birth to her - I felt last name was something special that my hubby could give our daughter so I was happy for her to take his name. Its a special bond between the two of them and ties them together forever. I am sure in many ways it made him feel like she was his too, not just a child I controlled the extent he had access to, if that makes any sense? I wanted him to feel that she is his daughter as much as she is mine.

I also changed my last name to my DH's after baby was born as I wanted to have the same name as my daughter. Prior to that, I had been clinging on to my maiden name uncertain about what I wanted to do. I am really happy that we all have the same last name and don't know why I dithered about it for so long now.

 

[MamaLa]

My mother and sister want me to give the baby my last name, but OH is not having that. He wants to feel like he had some parts in her identity which is definitely understandable. So his last name it is.

 

[Selaphyna]

This is something personal that you need to decide on, especially involving your OH though.

I gave my son his father's last name. We aren't together and haven't been since our son was just over a year old (he's 11 now). I don't regret giving him his dad's last name, and even though we had a very rocky relationship after we broke up, we are now civil towards each other.

With Pickle, again I plan on using my OH's last name. We plan to marry eventually (may be later than we planned, but that has to do with finances than anything else at this time), and I won't regret using his last name if god forbid something happens to me and OH's relationship. I don't forsee that happening though as he and I have been together 6 1/2 years, and my ex and I were only together a couple months before we found out I was pregnant, and together just under 2 years when we split.

 

[cncem]

Both of my kids have my last name, neither of their fathers were present at their births, nor have they signed the birth certificate, so I couldn't have given them their respective father's last name even if I wanted to, which I absolutely didn't. They were/are My children, not their father's, so I felt they should have my last name, as we, my kids and I, were a family and they belonged to and with me. Selfish I know, but their father's didn't deserve to be honored that way. In your situation it is different though. It depends on what you and oh decide is right.

 

[Dobsd]

I've been having difficulties with this too. It's a little convoluted but basically...

My parents broke up when I was 3. I took my Mum's new husband's name a few years later when they got married. My mums husbands name came from his step-father. My mum and her husband divorced and she is now re-married and has a different name, I still have her ex-husband's name.
Her ex-husband has since changed his surname to his real father's surname. So now, I'm left with a name that belongs to nobody!

Ha I told you it was convoluted!! But yeah, I now don't know what to do about baby's surname. Because of the above, I have issues surrounding surnames and I hate the though of baby not having my name. So, do I change it to my partner's surname, then we all have the same name? Or do a double-barrelled name, using the name that belongs to nobody?!

Jeez... I think I just confused myself!

Anyway, at least you and your partner are engaged and will be married, so will eventually all have the same name In your situation, I would just wait until you're married.

 

[MrsBroodyPant]

Personally I would always give a child it's father name.

I know a few people who gave the child their maiden name and then ended up marrying someone different which meant the child did not have the same name as either parent. At least you know that the father will always have that name and always be the father.

x

 

[Rickles]

I think if you are in a happy relationship with the father give the baby that name.

I wasn't married when DD was born, engaged - and like you getting married 6 months later so I could look half decent! I knew I was taking OH name and I wanted us to be the "XXXes" a family unit.

This was important to me as my parents were divorced and the family was a bit messy/complicated! xx

 

[unknown87649]

Thanks for the input everyone.

This may sound silly but I feel like I am "giving" enough by living in his country and mostly raising the baby in his country too. If it was just down to me, we would be living in England.

Also, being the "XXXes" doesn't really apply to us because they add "ova" to the females last names. In theory it's the same last name with a few letters added, but it still upsets me that I won't have the exact same last name as my son even when we're married. This is why it would be nice to have my maiden name on his birth certificate.

If my OH was totally against this, I would probably just give him his name but he understands and said it's up to me, as long as he gets his name eventually.

I guess I'm not as traditional as most people. I don't think the child should have the males surname by default. I also have my mothers maiden name & it means a lot to me.

 

[CastawayBride]

I also don't believe it should default to the males last name. If not married I think it is acceptable to use your maiden name if that is what your comfortable with!

 

[Gnomer]

I'm traditional in the sense I'd give my LO's their daddy's surname. But, both will have the same daddy so the same surname, and eventually I'll have that surname too. I don't see the point in giving them my surname and then the rigmarole of changing all our names in a few month.

Their daddy will always be their daddy, even if we aren't together. I'd hate for us to split, me to remarry, and the children to have my maiden name when I didn't have it.

However, if my children each had a different daddy, and I was not married to or planned to marry either, I'd give them my surname. I'd rather us all share a surname and appear to be more 'family' like at school and such.

 

[AP]

Give the baby the surname you want

My children were given my surname, i was in no way giving them my partner surname *in case* anything did happen. You just dont know, getting their surname changed back to mine would be more difficult.

We tied the knot last year and changed their surname not as straight forward as i hoped and of course we had to pay for new certs.

I did the same but I can't say changing names was difficult. The birth cert was replaced as if we had been married at her birth. It was easy