Shouldn't FOB's worry about their kids having another Dad?

[Dezireey]

Just really curious about whether some ladies FOB's on here have been a bit iffy about the fact that one day, surely they are aware that most of us intend or hope to have another man in our lives and hence another Dad for our kid/s??.

Watched a programme tonight about lions and their pride and how lionesses hunt and look after cubs etc. Nature seems to dictate in a lot of species that the male will go to hell and back before they see another male with their offspring. Some lions actually will get rid of another males offspring aswell if they 'conquer' that female pride, never knew that and that's a bit sad

I asked my FOB when he left me 'don't you have a problem with the fact that one day I might or hope to find a new guy who will probably take on your son as his own if I marry him? does that not bother you?' He just glared at me, so obviously it did bother him. Lots of men (even if they don't give a rats arse about the woman) seem to get really competitive and territorial with other men, so this aspect of leaving your own offspring for another man to claim (as a species) I don't understand.

Wondered if any other ladies asked/ told their FOB's the same when they split?

 

[amjon]

The FOB had no problem with DH taking over as dad. She didn't make it, so I don't know what she would have done after her birth, but he said he would be fine seeing her occasionally and being "Uncle Joe*".

*Not his real name

 

[daveww]

i no your questions was directed to mothers so i hope you dont mind me commenting.
when i was first aware that another man was playing father to my daughter it broke my heart ! , lots of things went thro my head such as , how would this affect my daughter would it change the bond that we have , would she start seeing this person as the new male role model in her life.
I have always done things with my daughter that my mother would not do with her , silly things like play football etc. ....... my daughter would always no that she would do diffrent activities when she was with me than she does at home. It was something she really looked forward to because it was just something diffrent that she would not normally do. .... now if a new male role model would start to do these activities with her would it affect her excitement or understanding or looking forward to time with me as her father.
In the end it was a case of trying to look at things from a positive point of view , i have no control over who the mother introduces as her new partner and the amount of involvement that person has with my daughter , so i have to accept the mothers judgement that she feels my daughter would enjoy and be happy spending time with her partner and look at it from the point of view that my daughter is getting the best of both worlds ...... she can have a lovely time with her mam and her partner doing a wide range of activites that perhaps her mother would not do with her and that in the end hopefully it will beneift my daughter.
dont get me wrong still to this day im not happy about certain issues and the new partner trying to take over and make decisions about my daughters future etc. but for the sake of my daughter i think its very important regardless of personal feelings to make sure any comments about the new partner are positive and encouraging so as not to make her feel uncomfortable.
basically any man who is not affected by another man acting as a father figure to thier child is not worth being called a father !! .... as im sure to you mothers on here you would feel a huge tug on your heart if you seen your child with thier father and another women playing mother.

 

[george83]

my ex has an older son with another woman and when we were out one day my step son referred to his step dad (very confusing i know) as his 'dad' and my ex went mental, his son was about 14 at the time and his step dad had brought him up from about 6 years old and put up with a lot of s**t from him. from my point of view his step dad had done a lot more for him than my ex ever did but my ex was still not happy about it.

 

[lizardbreath]

My kids will only ever have one dad as will they only ever have one mom. We have put this in our agreement that the girls are never to call a "parent" mom or dad if they aren't their parents I know this was one of the first thoughts in my head and lucky for me fob actually agreed. I mean I hope that if I do get in another relationship that the person will love my girls and treat them as if they were his own and vise versa but my children will always be taught that they are not their parents

 

[jemmie1994]

my FOB would probably make a huge fuss if i got a new partner who was willing to take over as 'dad' not that he cares he just thinks he has a divine right to call himself a father when he sure as hell doesnt act like one

 

[angelpkj]

FOB has a 6 year old daughter and she has a replacement father
he hated it as he made a better dad than her-he didnt buy her love or anything but little things like

"john said he will take me to the park cause my report from school is good"

fob just never would do anything-insted he would moan to me about how he knows hes a shit dad and john was better at it than him

i pity'd him at first but you cant just wallow in self pity when you have kids counting on u-u cant just give up on them cause sum1 else doing a better job

 

[Shezza84uk]

I attenpted to date when I split with fob he went bunkers considering he was sleeping around my DD was 2 at the time since then I stayed single as figured it was unfair bringing someone else into the madness we eventually got back together and I'm expecting no 2 and he's off again however this time I couldn't give a flying monkeys how he feels he's a shit dad anyway! X

 

[imaginary8x]

Well, my FOB doesn't want our daughter having another Dad.

 

[Dream.dream]

my sons dad hates that my OH is around his son more then he is. but it doesnt seem to make him want to be a better dad. For dads who arnt there for there kids if some one else is willing to fill that role its a good thing and even if the dad is there and involved they should be happy if there is another person who loves their child and is also willing to support them.