Signs of bullying

[susan_1981]

I'm really concerned about my 11 year old niece. She has never been much of a mixer. When I was at primary school, I was always out with my friends after, they were at my house, or I was at theirs or we went into town. I know times seem to be different now so I put it down to that that my niece never mixed with her friends after school. She's now started secondary school (back in September) and she still never hangs out with her friends after school. She never talks about her day. If you ask her how school was, all you ever get is "ok". My sister says she's very secretive and doesn't tell her anything either. She hangs out with my mum every weekend.

Then, on Monday, she came down with the sick bug that is doing the rounds. It's now 10 people in my family that have had this and we've all only had it for between 24 and 48 hours. So my niece had it on Monday and was off again on Tuesday. She went back to school yesterday but my sister called me to ask if I could pick her up from school because she still wasn't feeling well and, being as I'm not at work and my sister is, I said that's fine. So I picked her up and she seemed fine. She was playing with my son in the garden and I said to my sister that I think she may have just fancied the afternoon off school. Then again today, my sister was taking her to school and half way there, she says she really doesn't feel well and is off again. So that's 4 days she's been off sick with this sick bug. As I said, no one has had it for this long. My 4 year old niece had it the worst but even she was over it within 48 hours.

I'm really concerned that something isn't right at school. Are these the classic signs? The other Monday, she was trying it on again trying to get out of going to school but there was nothing wrong with her. She was off on the Monday before that saying she didn't feel well yet my mum took her to McDonalds that day when she should have been at school!!! Do you think that something isn't right or is she just being a typical kid trying to skive off school? I mean most of us have done it at some point haven't we!

 

[Foogirl]

It could be, or it could be that she just doesn't enjoy school. Is she secretive or does she just not talk about her day. Much of what you've described can be usual teen/pre-teen behaviour. Heck my 4 year old pulls sickies and tells me little about her day! And some children just prefer their own company. Not only that, but I had plenty of friends at school but we didn't really hang put after school.

If your sister is concerned, have her talk to either a guidance teacher or a teacher who knows her well. They'll know if she mixes well at school.

 

[susan_1981]

Even as a very young child, she never mixed well. When she went to nursery, she absolutely hated it because she didn't have any friends. My sister was dreading her starting primary school but she actually took to it fine but she would get invited to the little birthday parties but half the time, she'd try and find a reason not to go. Like it's her birthday around the same time as another girl she used to go to school with. Her friend was having a party and my niece was invited but my niece said she didn't want to go and would rather have a party with just her family. So I actually think she may just be one of those kids that is just happy on her own.

When my niece pulled a sicky after she'd been at her new school for a few weeks, the teacher did actually speak to my sister and asked if my niece was having problems as a few kids hadn't settled in that well.

The only person she really talks to is my mum but she doesn't tell her anything. She says everything at school is fine so I guess all any of us can do is take her word for it. It just worries me that she's keeping secrets and it keeps making me think of those horror stories you hear on the news about children who have been bullied and their parents didn't suspect a thing. But I don't think she's being bullied, I'm more inclined to think she just hasn't made any proper friends yet.

 

[seoj]

I'm not saying it couldn't be that- but if this is just how she's always been, she just may not like to be social- and school, being a very social place, could be intimidating for someone more private... ? Just a thought.

She is old enough to maybe just sit and have a good open chat with her. Has her Mom even tried to ask about school much- and not just take "ok" for an answer? It's possible she is more private- but if there are concerns, then hopefully she'll open up to someone.

Hopefully your sister or even someone she trusts can sit down and have a good talk with her and get some better insight into things.

 

[Foogirl]

If it's just the wanting not to be at school I wouldn't be too worried. The biggest indicator is a big change in mood. Children who are being bullied will generally act out more, or become far more withdrawn than normal. If she is yelling and screaming about not going then it would be worriesome. I would be looking to help her try to find some friends as she approaches secondary education though.