Single mum here and pregnant.

[Anababe]

Hey hope its ok to join in here!

First i have 2 children which were both planned and concieved via donor insemination. I was alone but i wanted a family so went ahead by myself lol

Ive been single for nearly 3 years and i met someone a few weeks ago, we never made anything official just dated for a while.

Accident happened, well no we was irresponsible so cant use accident as an excuse, and here i am now pregnant again.

We actually split up about a week ago and he was seeing someone else within a couple of days.

Ive told him im pregnant and he has made it clear he wants me to terminate and if i dont he wants nothing to do with the baby and doesnt want to be on birth certificate! I understand hes scared he already has a 2 yr old, but so am i.. im still taking responsibility for whats happened, he doesnt seem to realise hes 50% responsible aswel!

Now isnt the best time for me to have a baby, ive got 2 boys under 3, 3 horses and im working.. but termination isnt an option to me so i am going ahead even if i have to do it alone! Its happened now and although this baby was unplanned it will be very much loved and wanted, well by me anyway!

Anyway thought it would be nice to talk to other single parents who understand

xx

 

[topazicatzbet]

that sucks hun, but your a strong single mum and you will manage just fine.

im sure the boys will love their new brother or sister.

 

[sciencemum]

You will be fine.
When is the right time to have a baby? I am sure you will cope and as for the babys dad... forget about him for now and concntrate on being pregnant.

And Hello

 

[teal]

Hello and hugs

My ex ended things when I refused to terminate so I can appreciate how you feel. xx

Where do we find these so-called men?!

 

[billy2mm]

wow i am amazed at your strength!!!

you obviously dont need him coz you have raised your 2 boys by yourself and ive been told its easier going from 2-3 kids than it is going from 1-2 kids!!

welcome!

 

[Anababe]

Thanks everyone!

I dont need him no, and i dont believe theres a such thing as not being able to cope.. you just have to! Although that doesnt make it any less scary.

Least i know where i stand now and im going to let myself enjoy this pregnancy because whats done is done, i cant spend the next 9 month acting like it the end of the world. I chose to keep the baby so i will love it no different than my other two

He came round to talk tonight and he genuinely seemed more scared than anything else. He said he still doesnt want to be part of babys life though so i just said ok and id leave him alone from now on. He may come round in time, who knows

Now im going to bed as im soo tired! lol xx

 

[ProzacQueen]

its early days..he might come round? im sure he is as shocked as you (not defending him in any way, i hate men!!!)

as someone else said, when is the right time?!!

you'll be fine, you'll cope cos u have to!

lots of love

 

[pinkshoes27]

I hate men too lol its always down to the woman to be be strong in these situations...u have already raised two by urself so it show that u are more than capable to do it...stay strong and as u said baby will be loved and that is what is important

 

[Kayleigh1991]

Men!! Think they can get away with (I know you said it was both of you) being irresponsible and doing a runner. My ex, got me drunk and didn't use any protection, didn't tell me till afterwards either! Then, i got Hyperemesis Gravidium (as i did in my first pregnancy) Anyway, while together, we BOTH agreed and went to the doctor to book an abortion because i said it wasn't responsible for me to carry on with the pregnancy because if we split i would be unable to look after my daughter. As soon as we split, he said he was taking me to court to FORCE me to have the baby, so that he could take it off me!! Fate decided he wasn't ready to be a dad, and i ended up miscarrying through all the stress he put me under, on Christmas Day 2009, lucky me! Now, he refuses to accept it, and insists i had an abortion behind his back!

If you're managing with 2 kids that you've brought up on your own, i'm sure you will with 3, even if they are so young. You sound like a brilliant mum juggling all that. I don't envy you, but i think you'll be fine! Good luck!!

 

[Welshcob]

Well done for raising your kids already. You absolutely can do one more. Also I really think the way you have handled your conversaton with father is really commendable. I hope he does come around and decide he does want to be part of LOs life, but if he doesn't you can make it. It might mean making some adjustments. I truely take my hat off to you for working, having kids and three horses!!! I am just being forced to put my horse on loan as I have no time for her and I am gutted about it. And I only have one baby and soon going back to work - if I don't get made redundant.

 

[whoops]

Thanks everyone!

I dont need him no, and i dont believe theres a such thing as not being able to cope.. you just have to! Although that doesnt make it any less scary.

Least i know where i stand now and im going to let myself enjoy this pregnancy because whats done is done, i cant spend the next 9 month acting like it the end of the world. I chose to keep the baby so i will love it no different than my other two

He came round to talk tonight and he genuinely seemed more scared than anything else. He said he still doesnt want to be part of babys life though so i just said ok and id leave him alone from now on. He may come round in time, who knows

Now im going to bed as im soo tired! lol xx

Same story with the father of mine. He's apologised too many times to count, but still says he can't be involved. And he was so scared when he first found out that he tried (not very hard) to convince me to terminate.

I'd like him to come round for the baby's sake, but if he doesn't, I certainly won't miss him. I've told him he can change his mind at any time, he'll always be welcome, and that I wouldn't try to force him to do anything.

 

[Anababe]

Thanks everyone for the lovely posts.

We started to make progress and he said he would stand by the baby (he made it clear it was for the baby not for me and he wants nothing to do with me) but we're doing it his way not through csa and he'd just pay for food and clothes etc but wouldnt give me money.. which i thought well atleast it something and hes making some effort!

It lasted a whole 2 days when he told me he hopes im happy while i ruin his life by keeping the baby.. after a long argument about how this baby means nothing to him he says hes walking away and hopes someone else brings the baby up as its dad.

I havent heard from him since and if im totally honest i dont think i will again. But im feeling stronger now, i have loads of support from family and i know we'll be fine!

xx

 

[Sandie_Cali]

Hi, I just joined here today, hope we can keep in touch. Welcome

 

[billy2mm]

its his loss hun!!!

get onto the csa as soon as the baby is born though coz he shouldnt be able to walk away from his responsibility.

 

[Sandie_Cali]

I feel if he feels that strongly, cut off communication with him, it will only stress you more. Dont answer his calls nor anything else. Take him to Child Support Services and take him for what he has. They will garnish his wages and give you the support and it will include housing, daycare expenses, medical expenses and he will have to provide health insurance for the child.

I am sure he will march to a new tune once the baby is born they all do, they leave but once the baby comes they some how show up miraculously to collect all the glory.

Hang tight and dont try to contact him, doesnt make much sense right now while you are pregnant.

I am sorry you are going through this or anyone.

 

[isil]

you can absolutely have this baby - it's so awful that men can just walk away from their responsibilities and then decide to come back if they want to! I hope that he decides one way or the other. You sound very strong

 

[amy_2]

Oh my gosh, a single mum with 2 kids and one on the way!

Well done for having the courage to go through with it. Most of us haven't got the courage to plan to go it alone.

I know I would love kids soon, but finding a stable long term partner is the hard part!

Me and my bf have only been together less than 4 months and the relationship looks rocky. Maybe it will be my becoming to be a single mum too.

 

[pippop77]

I guess looking at the date you wrote your message you have your baby and they aren't much of a baby anymore.I hope everything went well with you.
Im in a similar position now myself. I'm a divorced mum of two wonderful children and we have a fab life together. I got a little down n upset as lots of your single mums will know you can get very lonely at times and well lost control abit and got pregnant. I only found out this week so it is all new and im worried about peoples reactions.
I know my children will be fine as they are amazing they are loved very much and well balanced kids and will welcome a new arrival with open arms but its others i'm worried about.
So i was just kinda asking for tips and see how you got on
thanks x

 

[Anababe]

I guess looking at the date you wrote your message you have your baby and they aren't much of a baby anymore.I hope everything went well with you.
Im in a similar position now myself. I'm a divorced mum of two wonderful children and we have a fab life together. I got a little down n upset as lots of your single mums will know you can get very lonely at times and well lost control abit and got pregnant. I only found out this week so it is all new and im worried about peoples reactions.
I know my children will be fine as they are amazing they are loved very much and well balanced kids and will welcome a new arrival with open arms but its others i'm worried about.
So i was just kinda asking for tips and see how you got on
thanks x

hey hun

I only wrote my post 3-4 weeks ago lol think it was last month. Im just 10 weeks pregnant now.

Sorry about your situation but big congratulations Your not far from me in Manchester

As its only been a few weeks since i found out i have no tips unfortunately, still getting used to it all myself but i wish you loads of luck and if you ever want to chat or need a bump buddy just let me know

Oh and welcome to BnB!

xxx

 

[pippop77]

hey , i know how your feeling. Im a divorced mum of two. Was a very amicable split we had just grown apart and then 6 months later he meets a much younger needy and jealous girl who has caused so much stress and bad feeling between my kids and their dad. We have been under so much stress for 18 months and ive coped all alone and my kids are fine, I made sure of it but at some point you break and I did i ended up meeting a guy whpo was charmin and al the rest and whilst so down and stressed made the same mistake as many and got myself pregnant!
Ionly found out 2 days ago and only just got in touch with the baby to be's dad and of course he is in complete shock and doesnt want to know etc etc... I am so hormonal and coming from a very good and stable family am dreading admitting my latest mistake.....I know i will love this baby as much as my other two and my kids wil be delighted as they love babies but its the looks and the explanations im dreading....I feel so silly for getting myself into this situation.... anybody else i the same situation and how did you cope ? thankyou for listening from a 5 week pregnant woman i n he 30's x