so scared about telling work!

[zilla]

I started my job when I was 7 weeks, my interviews were at 4 and 5 weeks.
I didn't say anything in interview as we had a loss at 4-5 weeks the month before, so I didn't want the pregnancy to count against me especially if we didn't know if we were going to be seeing this one through.
I've got my scan on Wednesday morning & I was planning on telling my boss when I go back into work afterwards.
I've already had 3 appointments and always made time up - my boss has been great and never asked questions.
People have told me to wait until I'm further on before telling my boss, but my "trial period" doesn't end until August which is only 3 months before I plan on leaving, so I'd feel guilty leaving it that late, plus I'd be showing by then, plus I have a tonne of appointments in the next month or so (GTT test, consultants, midwife etc) that I'm going to have to get off work anyway.
I won't qualify for maternity pay, just maternity allowance so it's not going to cost the company anything - but I feel so bad anyway!
It's a very small company, there's only 8 of us, and I don't want people to make me feel awkward when they found out I took the job knowing I was pregnant.

Anyone in the same situation??

 

[Lavendel]

hi there!
first of all, congratulations!!
its a though situation..how r the people working with you, boss and colleagues?
i honestly would wait, at least after the tests. you can always tell them you found out late and the odds were bad so you didnt want to cause trouble for nothing.
however, even if you are on trial they are not allowed to fire you because you are pregnant or without any reasons other than you are not doing well on the job and you are not improving over time. UK has strict rules about it, like the rest of europe i assume.
good luck to you!!

 

[squirrel.]

As you were so early when you interviewed, could you fib and tell them that you found out you were pregnant just after taking the job and after a history of losses didn't want to tell them in case the same happened? If you're worried about their reaction, this might make them more amenable?

 

[Fleur29]

I sympathise. I had an interview (admittedly for an internal move) when I was 4 weeks, offered the job at 7 weeks... I felt terrible. I told my new manager when I was 13 or 14 weeks. I didn't see the point in telling them early in case I had a first tri loss which is obviously very common. In the end, she was absolutely lovely about it and although I've felt really bad for leaving them in the lurch (I've just finished work as nearly in third tri) these things happen - people can leave for good whenever they like - pregnancy is a happy event and most people have been really nice about it to me even though it has caused inconvenience. At the end of the day, I will be going back in a year. Whereas a colleague just handed her notice in and won't be going back - which is worse? So don't feel too bad. I hope they're ok with you whenever you decide to tell them. If they're generally reasonable I would probably tell them sooner rather than later. Good luck! Xx

 

[Fleur29]

I sympathise. I had an interview (admittedly for an internal move) when I was 4 weeks, offered the job at 7 weeks... I felt terrible. I told my new manager when I was 13 or 14 weeks. I didn't see the point in telling them early in case I had a first tri loss which is obviously very common. In the end, she was absolutely lovely about it and although I've felt really bad for leaving them in the lurch (I've just finished work as nearly at the end of my pregnancy now) these things happen - people can leave for good whenever they like - pregnancy is a happy event and most people have been really nice about it to me even though it has caused inconvenience. At the end of the day, I will be going back in a year. Whereas a colleague just handed her notice in and won't be going back - which is worse? So don't feel too bad. I hope they're ok with you whenever you decide to tell them. If they're generally reasonable I would probably tell them sooner rather than later. Good luck! Xx

 

[Rickles]

I did this with DD when I was pregnant with her - I inteviewed through the first tri and started the day after my 12 week scan. Now I told them on my second day (chickened out on the first!) but they were making plans to fly me all over the world and it just didn't seem right not to speak up.

As another poster said, people quit all the time! My manager and team took it really well (publicly - might have slagged me off quietly). But at the end of the day I delivered a huge project in the 6 months before I left (making them lots of money) so really we both won! xx

 

[Leinzlove]

I see, I bet its different in the UK. Here in the US their are laws. They aren't allowed to not hire you because you are prego.

 

[Rcx]

I see, I bet its different in the UK. Here in the US their are laws. They aren't allowed to not hire you because you are prego.

No it's the same in the UK, they can't use your pregnancy as a reason not to hire and they also can't let you go because you're pregnant. X

 

[Whip]

I'd say that because you were so early when you were interviewed that you found out later than you did. Then as a pp said, just say you were waiting until first tri was over as you've had a history of loss. I'd personally have to tell them sooner rather than later but that's just me xx

 

[Gregsprincess]

The maternity law protects you at work as Rcx has said. Also even though your "trial period" doesn't end until August they cannot use your pregnancy as a reason to not continue with your employment. I'd be inclined to say that you didn't find out until after you started the job. Good luck i'm sure they will probably be fine about it.

 

[NotNic]

I'm due my 20wk scan this week and I still haven't told work. There has been a lot of changes recently which has resulted in me needing to return FT. Due to internal politics I have waited two months to start, and won't be FT until nearly 22wks. Financially we need the FT money now, so I have kept quiet because I can't risk it falling through. I feel really bad but I told at 20wks last time. It will be a difficult conversation but at least there will be three / four months notice which will be more than if I was resigning. Am dreading it, but nothing they can say will change anything and legally we are protected. Good luck xx

 

[DocMcStuffins]

I know exactly the position you're in.

With my first pregnancy I'd applied for a job and fell pregnant in the time it took for them to offer an interview. By the time my interview came around I was 6/7 weeks. I didn't say anything. I was offered the job and by the time I started was around 9 weeks.

My 'probation' period was 3 months but I knew I didn't want to wait that long before telling them as I knew I'd likely be showing by then and just didn't really want to be keeping that secret for so long.

Anyway, during my first week there I decided to e-mail my boss. She worked in a separate building and I hadn't talked with her much and to be honest I chickened out of doing it face to face! Lol.

I explained that whilst I was pregnant, I intended to remain in my role for as long as I could and wanted to prove that my being pregnant wouldn't affect my ability to carry out my work. I also knew I would only be entitled to maternity allowance rather than smp or any contractual pay.

She was brilliant. Sent me a huge congratulations e-mail then and to see me. She said she had no doubt that I was an asset to her team and totally understood me keeping quiet in the interviews. She thanked me for telling her so early on and was so understanding of any appointments.

I felt like a huge weight had been lifted when I told her.

I worked in a prison so there were a lot if people that worked there but only around 10 of us in my team doing our job. All the other girls were fantastic when they found out and were really supportive and excited for me.

After my 3 months probation we had a meeting to discuss my progress etc and nothing was even mentioned about my pregnancy. It was all to do with how well I was doing in my job and I was signed off of probation.

I ended up leaving for maternity leave at around 36 weeks. I then returned on a part time basis after nearly a year off and had to tell my boss on my return that I was actually pregnant again!

But again she was great. I couldn't have asked for a better response. I ended up suffering with spd that time and was on crutches by 22 weeks and having weekly physio sessions. I finished work at 32 weeks that time. I ended up accepting a new job during my maternity leave and handed my notice into them one month before my leave was due to end.

Again my boss was fantastic and actually came round to visit me and brought me a card and leaving present from her and my team.

I know its different for everyone but in my experience it really paid to be honest and upfront from early on. It definitely took the stress off me and allowed me to enjoy my pregnancy without worrying I'd slip up and let it out. Plus it meant they could do a risk assessment of my workplace and ensure the environment I worked in was safe and I wasn't expected to do anything that could put me at risk. As I said I worked in a prison which was an open prison so it meant I was given authorisation to drive through the prison grounds and park directly outside my building rather than park in the main car park and walk down through amongst the prisoners, it also meant I wasn't to answer the door to our building as we regularly had prisoners coming to us for probation appointments, I wasn't to be the last one in the office etc. It made me feel much safer and like I knew they had my best interests at heart.

Do what you feel comfortable doing though. Legally they'd have a really hard time trying to get rid of you with you being pregnant. If they tried to make up another reason they'd need to be able to show proof.

Good luck.

X

 

[MamaLa]

Smh, I've been at my job for Almost 4 years And I'm Afraid to tell them. I don't want them saying that I got pregnant because my coworker did or anything. Plus I just don't know how to announce it.

 

[RcdM]

I was in a very similar situation. I interviewed and didn't know I was pregnant. I found out I was pregnant right before I was offered the position and before I started. I wanted this job so bad, it was something I've worked hard towards and was so excited about, so I took it, even though I had been with my previous company for 5 1/2 years and would have had a lot of saved up time for leave as well as other benefits.

I was so nervous and I didn't say anything for a while, I just worked really really hard to prove myself so they liked me and knew I was a great employee and was capable of great things. I finally told my boss after my 12 week appointment and I was so nervous.

I asked if she had a moment to talk and went in her office. I was on the verge of tears LOL and she thought I was quitting! I told her it's not common for the new person to have to come to their boss and say this, but I am pregnant. Not only was she relieved that I wasn't quitting, but she was super happy for me and so supportive. We ended up chatting in her office for another hour and I felt like such a huge weight was lifted! She's been super flexible with my appointments and everything has been fine ever since.

I think we build it up in our heads to be terrible because we know we'll be on leave for a while when they need us. But I think telling them in advance is good because they can plan for it now. Let them know how much time you plan to take off so they can work that into the schedule. They can reallocate certain things to others or even hire a temp while you're gone. I think the most important thing is to be professional about it and let them know it won't impact your ability to work for them and continue to show them you're a hard worker. Good luck! I'm sure it will be fine!

 

[JadeCrusader]

I haven't read every response yet but wanted to throw a bit of advice out if it hasn't already been given. I casually brought up at an old job that we were thinking of getting pregnant and have had some serious difficulties in the past, and as soon as I began talking about it, it was like the room froze and I had SUCH SEVERE STATIC over EVERYTHING from then on. It was like suddenly I could do nothing right and everyone hated me. Shortly afterward I was fired for, what the Employment Department said after their investigation, was "unrealistic expectations of their employees". It was awful and heart-wrenching. I am not saying it will happen to you, but be careful! Some employers and co-workers get all upset that they may be saddled with extra responsibilities and then they go off the deep end and blame you for the whole thing, which is what happened to me. It was the only job I have ever left where I was terminated instead of being begged to stay on, and it was because I was just THINKING of getting pregnant.

This time though, I went into our CFO's office and asked him "Do you think I'm doing well here? Like I am pulling my weight and contributing Enough??" to which he gave me huge accolades. Shortly afterward I dropped the "I'm pregnant" bomb, but it was too late for them to go crazy on me without me having ammo to say "The only reason you are hating me right now is because I am pregnant", which would put them in a huge legal bind and they know that.

It sounds a little underhanded, but whatever covers your own bum!

Congrats on the pregnancy, and I'm sure you are going to be just fine and they will be super happy for you and everything will go great , so not to worry!