So sick of smug parents

[Baby Me]

I'm so sick of having to pander to smug parents / parents to be who seem to think the world revolves around them! It's bad enough that I've been trying for over a year and having to go assisted, why do i feel like a second rate citizen too! Everything seems to always be on their terms.

I'm also sick of insensitive people plastering their scan pictures of their seventeenth child on Facebook and then having the cheek to moan about how tired they are! And putting up a million boring pictures of their kids whilst describing the contents of their nappies in excruciating detail!

I just want to moan really!!

 

[PinkPeony]

I know what you mean about feeling like a second-rate citizen. I even notice the way politicians talk about "working families" like the only people contributing to society are people with kids. And then the people who have kids are like - you have no idea how hard it is blah blah in this really high and mighty way. I'm sure it's hard but one thing I know is that they wouldn't switch places with me for a second.

 

[Princess Lou]

The thing you need to remember is that they have no idea how it feels to be on the other side and can't imagine how their behavior is effecting you.

They are ignorant to infertility and can't be held accountable for their actions.

What they are doing is normal in that society.

Doesn't change the fact that it hurts when you see those pictures, read their whining posts and want to bash their heads of concrete walls when they complain about their children though, but our situation isn't their fault.

 

[Baby Me]

What makes it worse is their patronising "when you have kids" talks, and interfering relatives asking when you are going to have kids. No wonder we feel so inadequate, it's like you're not a valid human being unless you procreate! Pink Peonny your doggy is gorge, I would be happy to look at pics of him on Facebook!

I'm really fed up and I have an upcoming visit to a friend with a new baby which I'm dreading. I know that sounds terrible but it's true. I wish I could just shut out all these reminders of what I don't have.

 

[PinkPeony]

What makes it worse is their patronising "when you have kids" talks, and interfering relatives asking when you are going to have kids. No wonder we feel so inadequate, it's like you're not a valid human being unless you procreate! Pink Peonny your doggy is gorge, I would be happy to look at pics of him on Facebook!

LOL!! Oh believe me, my fb is plastered with pics of my pup. I know I'm driving some people crazy with that for sure. Of course I figure it's just annoying and it's not like the whole baby pic thing bc anyone can go out and get a dog.

Princess Lou: you're totally right of course. I just gotta vent sometimes. I don't expect ppl to know what they're doing. I still get a bit pissed when ppl who know about our troubles go off like that about parenthood. And I do know parents who are very graceful about the whole thing and I appreciate when they show a positive, joyful outlook towards their children.

 

[tamithomas]

Honestly I do think they should be held accountable for it. Not them personally but for the fact that infertility is still such an underground topic. 50 years ago child abuse was an underground topic that no one talked about..it's time it happened for infertility so people can be aware. Enough is enough.

As for posting pictures, One or two once in a while is fine but it gets obnoxious real quick especially when it's the same picture on 10 different days but doing the same thing..sleeping lol. But people will do what they want without consideration of others sadly.

Let's just hope that one day, just one day..infertility will be well known. Not in the sense that everyone will have it but that it will no longer be a pink elephant in the room.

 

[Miss_Awesome]

I know what you mean. Some of them genuinely don't know what we're going through and if they did might either hide us from having to see it or would be careful of what they say. However, I have a couple of friends who after getting pregnant and posting news stories from around the country (US) of terrible parenting and abuse cases, they act as if they are parent of the year. They make these ridiculous claims that there should be "tests to become parents!"

Then, right before their kids were born they sent out posts like, "Everyone better just suck it up, I'm going to post a million photos when this top of the line spawn I've made decides to come slithering out!" or, you know, however they worded it.

Some of my friends have heard what I'm going through and think that I'm supposed to agree with anything they have to say. I can tell one friend (who had a surprise pregnancy last year and now baby) will posts stories of awful parenting and makes sure I see them. I don't want to be reminded daily that those types of walking trash cans can reproduce and I can't. Ugh.

 

[tamithomas]

Then, right before their kids were born they sent out posts like, "Everyone better just suck it up, I'm going to post a million photos when this top of the line spawn I've made decides to come slithering out!" or, you know, however they worded it.

Those people are just awful. They're the type that when their kid goes to college they're stuck as the crazy old cat lady and wonder where all of their friends went. It's such a smug statement to make. I've deleted people who have given the suck it up speech be it any type of subject because it speaks volumes of their personality.

 

[tessjs]

I don't want to be reminded daily that those types of walking trash cans can reproduce and I can't. Ugh.[/QUOTE]


There so much of this out there its not funny the most vile looking people having babies...I'm not amazingly attractive but I know i look ok and yes maybe my insides are old but i should be able to reproduce just like them...there is so many trashy people out there and to think they have reproduced I shudder to think how this world will end up.if there is a god he wouldn't let this happen...

 

[Briss]

does anyone know of any technique how to block these out so it does not bother us anymore? there must be a way, I am just so exhausted of all this negativity and I have a feeling that these negative emotions that we are experiencing on a daily basis about those smug parents are coming back to bite us adding to our problems. I really want to stop crying every time somebody announces their pregnancy and the like. I just do not know how to change my attitude so it does not affect me any more (because obviously we cant change the world, I am sure millions of women are getting pregnant on a daily basis around us and there is no stopping them making all sort of silly announcements)

recently my DH announced that his friend's wife is pregnant with their 3 child (just another unnecessary reminder of how long I have been TTC… people are managing to have 3 kids and I am still TTc for our first), I am obviously happy for them but the overriding feeling is depression and devastation at how badly our things are going with TTC. I cried for 3 days, could not help it, then accepted it. Yesterday My Dh said he got it all wrong, apparently his friend's wife just could not shift the baby belly after the second pregnancy… she is not pregnant after all. I hate myself for being so dependable on what's happening outside instead being able to just block it all out.

 

[mizuno]

does anyone know of any technique how to block these out so it does not bother us anymore?

You could just hide the posts from that one person (though then you won't get any updates from them). Or you could just stop checking FB. Since I've stopped, I find I feel a lot better about myself - and not just about not having a baby. Most people post only the positives on FB - vacations, losing weight, having fun, etc, which give you the impression that their lives are perfect. Since I've stopped checking FB, I do feel a bit out of the loop and I miss the ability to gloat about my own accomplishments (yes, I am that vain ), but I feel better about my life and I've also weaned myself from seeking people's approval (no "likes" needed to make me feel like my new haircut is awesome, only a mirror )

or you could use unbaby.me, which is an app for chrome that replaces baby pictures in your feed with something more interesting, like cute kittens or bacon.

 

[Briss]

mizuno, thanks! I was thinking of some sort of mental blocking cos it's not just FB it's everywhere and the longer I TTC the harder it gets. so I was just thinking that there must be some way to make yourself not get upset by it all

 

[mommyloulou]

I HATE THE, "WHEN YOU HAVE KIDS." And not defending the ignorant, but I just wanted to add that I grew up in a small place where not many people talked about infertility treatments and especially not in vitro or donor eggs. I was extremely ignorant to all of this and am sure I have been insensitive by accident to people along my journey. I didn't learn about all this stuff until I joined the mothers of multiples club. Now I understand not to pester people about when they are having kids, because they may not have kids because they've miscarried several times and have been trying for years and not want to discuss it with me! I am sorry for what you've had to endure! And I can't help but post a million pictures on facebook.....

 

[mizuno]

mizuno, thanks! I was thinking of some sort of mental blocking cos it's not just FB it's everywhere and the longer I TTC the harder it gets. so I was just thinking that there must be some way to make yourself not get upset by it all

haha! oops... didn't read that correctly.

I think it might get better with time. I've been TTC for 19 months now and I find it a lot easier to deal with it than a year or 6 months ago.
I also try to focus on the negatives of having a baby (in my head, not out loud - by negative things I mean things like not having to worry about losing baby weight, not having to get up in the middle of the night, not being able to travel, etc) when I;m talking to my friends with babies and then I feel like it's not so bad being without a baby.
I was also noticing that the build up of anticipating having to spend time with my preggo/mom friends is actually worse than actually spending time with them. I think to myself that I will feel jealous or whatever, but once I'm around them I find that as long as they don't talk too much about the baby, I'm fine.

 

[Miss_Awesome]

Those people are just awful. They're the type that when their kid goes to college they're stuck as the crazy old cat lady and wonder where all of their friends went. It's such a smug statement to make. I've deleted people who have given the suck it up speech be it any type of subject because it speaks volumes of their personality.

Something to look forward to!

You're right, it says soooo much about their personality. There's a friend on my FB who has suffered two miscarriages in the last couple of years. She's now pregnant and doing great. That's awesome, but during Infertility Awareness week, I made a post being very general. I said that while it's great to become a parent and share your joy, remember that there are women (myself included) who feel a little piece of them fall apart when those things are posted. Otherwise, the rest of the time I stick to funny status updates or posting nothing.

This girl came in and blasted my comment section saying I shouldn't be so miserable because SHE knows real pain having suffered two miscarriages. I would never wish what she went through on anyone, but she was being nuts. She said I have it easy not being able to get pregnant (not in those exact words, but that was her point and other friends msg-ed me privately to say she was out of line) since for her everything was "worse." She said that she felt miserable too at one point because of what she went through, but that I need to stop acting like it's hard for me because "you never know when your pregnant friends who've been through what I've been through will need your support." I was fuming, to say the least.

Oh, and I live several states away, but her mom (who knows this) invited me to her baby shower. I told a mutual friend they can count on me NOT going even if I lived there. lol

 

[Miss_Awesome]

There so much of this out there its not funny the most vile looking people having babies...I'm not amazingly attractive but I know i look ok and yes maybe my insides are old but i should be able to reproduce just like them...there is so many trashy people out there and to think they have reproduced I shudder to think how this world will end up.if there is a god he wouldn't let this happen...

I just meant walking trash cans as in they treat themselves that way. I have friends, well, no longer "friends" so much as people I used to be closer with, who drink or smoke or sleep with several people. They magically get pregnant on the first go or by surprise, but here are the rest of us wishing and hoping it could be us instead.

I was talking to two friends last year who got pregnant, one by "accident" with two potential fathers and the other with a guy she's known for years, but wasn't and isn't in a relationship with him (she lost her baby at nearly 20 weeks). These two are already obnoxious, but while they were both pregnant.. it was hard to be around them. I was telling them how frustrated I was with trying when we were approaching our one year of TTC. I mentioned that I don't drink, smoke, sleep around, etc. The one chimed in with, "but we do! hahahahaha" as if I should think this is hilarious.

Disgusting, plain and simple.

 

[Briss]

a very good friend of mine got recently pregnant, she claimed she has never used any protection with her Dh for over 10 years and never got pregnant. I'd been TTC for over 2 years by then when she said she was serious about TTC I naturally shared all my knowledge about OPK etc and she got her BFP on the second month of trying. A bit of a blow to me cos I kind of thought we will be TTC together (since she claimed she was never able to get pregnant before which I do not believe now) but tried to embrace it until she mentioned an abortion!! she said she did not expect it to happen so soon and she just started a new job etc etc I was furious and send her a link to infertility etiquette, we have not spoken since ...

 

[tamithomas]

a very good friend of mine got recently pregnant, she claimed she has never used any protection with her Dh for over 10 years and never got pregnant. I'd been TTC for over 2 years by then when she said she was serious about TTC I naturally shared all my knowledge about OPK etc and she got her BFP on the second month of trying. A bit of a blow to me cos I kind of thought we will be TTC together (since she claimed she was never able to get pregnant before which I do not believe now) but tried to embrace it until she mentioned an abortion!! she said she did not expect it to happen so soon and she just started a new job etc etc I was furious and send her a link to infertility etiquette, we have not spoken since ...

all I can say is MAJOR facepalm! If she claims to have tried for 10 years and then suddenly once she's BFP wants an abortion, I call bs on her struggle.