Some advice on MC

[mlyn26]

Hi,

Have had worse day of my life today. Had a scan due to bleeding with clots and cramping which started on sunday (at 9 weeks) and told there was no heartbeat and baby had stopped growing a week ago. Absolutely the most heartbreaking thing i've ever experienced and i then had to walk past over preg ladies on the way out - unbearable. I have not stopped crying all day.

I am still experiencing stomach doubling cramps - excruitiating and a heavy blood flow. The doctor said the pain may get worse and flow even heavier Not sure how i can cope with much more.

Can you tell me your experience, when did it start, stop etc, how long did you bleed etc. Did you opt for a natural MC or an assisted one. If an assisted one what do the tablets or the 'op' do to you? I should have asked this but was just in too much shock/upset to think of what to ask.

When did you go back to work? How did you find it telling those who knew.

I feel quite lonely at the moment, i dont know anyone that has had a MC that i can talk to, so any advice or sharing of your experiences would be welcomed. xxx

 

[mintypeas]

hello honey im so sorry for your loss i know the pain your feeling. my experience was we thought we were further on so scan brought forward. well we went and i knew there was something wrong when they had to do an internal. they could not find a baby just the sac. i had to wait a week which was awful. so we went back and the sac had grown but no baby so we went home in shock with the option of doing it naturally or an erpc. i opted for the erpc so 2 days later went in had the op and felt my heart break in 2. i came home and my kids were fantastic,they are 18 and 12, so they knew everything that was happening. i bled for 2 days and my stomach went down, i was really big already! well now we are 7 weeks down the road and i left work becuse of the stress and i feel like a new woman. things can still set me off but im laughing again thanks to my lovely kids and hubby. and we started trying again straight away as i dont have time on my side im nearly 41. sorry to go on but just wanted to show that it will get easier with time and make sure you get good support you deserve it. if you want to talk honey im here loads of hugs x sylvia x

 

[cutelou101]

mlyn, firstly sorry for your loss. This site made the coping with my miscarriage easier as they are all so supportive.

I miscarried in Feb with twins. I decided to do it naturally, as the first had happened that way. The intense pain went on for about 4 to 6 hours, i managed to sleep through some of it as it started at 11pm. The flow got lighter the day after the 2nd mc, and there was no real pain, took 5 days to stop completely. Emotionally, i took 2 weeks off work (which was 3 really as i was a teacher and happened in half term). Took the time to just try and do things to keep mind off things. Telling people was hard, as they don't know what to say, but they mean well, but i advoided talking about it to anyone apart from DH for 5 days.

6 weeks on, i still have bad days, but i wear a necklace to remind me of my angels, but the pain does get easier.

If you need to talk just let me know

lou
x

 

[mlyn26]

Thank you Sylvia,

I am also in process of looking for a new job, my job has been getting increasingly more and more stressful and am certain this played apart. Looked at the UK miscarriage assoc website which quotes stress as work can be a cause and that really hit home. I cant wait to get out of there.
The doc today said some people depending on what job they do like to get bk to it ASAP. She asked me what i did, i replied 'Probation Officer' and she said, well i'd suggest you take some time off then!
I dont know how much is too much? I cant even contemplate walking in the office right now but may feel differently in a week. I guess like you said time really is a good healer. This was our 1st since TTC since Nov 2008 so 15 months TTC. I hope it doesnt take another 15 months!
Melody x

 

[mlyn26]

Thank you Lou. I am doing it naturally for time being. I started bleeding sunday so do i class that as the start of my MC? I still have matter in there so am assuming it will get worse before it gets better. I will give it the week but then may have to op for the ERPC as i am finding the thought of my baby not alive in me quite difficult esp since i saw him/her just 2 weeks ago with a flashing heartbeat. Will take 3 weeks off work including this week as dont think i can go bk next week and then i have annual leave for one week so will try and go bk after that. xx

 

[cutelou101]

With me my bleeding started on the Thursday evening, very light spotting all Friday (scan came back fine), then it was Saturday night it suddenly went heavy, then heavy again on the monday. Both times i felt the matter come out, they made me wait 2 weeks for a final scan to check everything had come out. It was a hard time as still had silly thoughts that maybe one would be ok.

Yeah take the time, it was hard going back when i did, as the questions people ask, and there was no way i could have coped earlier

 

[mintypeas]

hi honey i was a pub manager and a very stressful job and all my regulars knew i was pregnant as i was showing so could 3 weeks off but was still so hard when people were coming in and talking to me about it. only last week at my last pubwatch meeting with all the other landlords someone said i hear a rumour that your pregnant and everyone heard so i had to say i had lost the baby that really hit me hard.so my pub got sold so had a choice to stay on or leave so got out! now im more relaxed and ttc again. do what is best for you babe think about number 1!! x sylvia x

 

[whyme]

Hi,

Have had worse day of my life today. Had a scan due to bleeding with clots and cramping which started on sunday (at 9 weeks) and told there was no heartbeat and baby had stopped growing a week ago. Absolutely the most heartbreaking thing i've ever experienced and i then had to walk past over preg ladies on the way out - unbearable. I have not stopped crying all day.

I am still experiencing stomach doubling cramps - excruitiating and a heavy blood flow. The doctor said the pain may get worse and flow even heavier Not sure how i can cope with much more.

Can you tell me your experience, when did it start, stop etc, how long did you bleed etc. Did you opt for a natural MC or an assisted one. If an assisted one what do the tablets or the 'op' do to you? I should have asked this but was just in too much shock/upset to think of what to ask.

When did you go back to work? How did you find it telling those who knew.

I feel quite lonely at the moment, i dont know anyone that has had a MC that i can talk to, so any advice or sharing of your experiences would be welcomed. xxx

Hi - am so so sorry for your loss.

I had MMC 6 weeks ago, woke in the morning - blood on loo paper, no pain, went for scan - no Heartbeat, baby had died 8 +1, I was nearly eleven weeks. Absolutely devastating. One minute you are pregnant, next the baby is dead, then you have to make the decision - all too much. I couldn't face a general anaesthetic, didn't fancy letting it happen naturally - can be 2 to 3 weeks so opted for the medical assistance., for me lesser of the three evils. Booked in for tablet two days later, then two days after that all day at hospital, vaginal suppositories and pain relief.

Bleeding increased later that night, period like, no clots, following the scan, minimal pain. Went to hospital for the first tablet - was in a state - they told me that due to the fact i was already bleeding, the first tablet would probably speed things up and it was just a matter of hours. They talked me through what to expect - said i may well recognise the baby etc. They said I would bleed alot but if I was going through a sanitary towel an hour I would need to get to hospital - I was absolutely petrified and they sent me home with some pain killers. During the course of that day, the pain was like period cramps and bleeding like a period.
About 6.30 that evening, I started to have shooting pains, almost like stabbing pains, which I now think was the cervix opening. I then had the urge to sit on the toilet ??! It wasn't pleasant,but I didn't/couldn't look. The pain was ok, bearable took two co codamol. Couple hours later, felt need for loo again, more came away. Unfortuanately, couple hours after that, my blood loss was excessive, towel an hour was light headed phoned hospital and had to go in - pain had increased to mild contractions but again was bearable. They helped me with the rest, ( finally over by 1.30 am ) and I stayed in over night - i was glad to to be honest, as I felt safer there. Scan next morning showed it was " complete".

Be prepared for the horrible empty feeling, that hits you.

I was discharged with seven day course of antibiotics

The ward was near the ANC clinic - we walked the long way around to get out as no way could I face that.

I obviously didn't need the second appointment.

I was signed off for three weeks initially, with appointment with GP towards the end of the last week. She signed me off for another two -she said my experience wasn't a "typical" miscarriage, I was traumatised, anaemic, hormones all over the place and she felt i needed more rest. However, she to my amazment was very very positive about TTC again- hospital had said one AF as well.

I started back at work last Monday - my colleagues and friends had heard the news while I was away and I had asked not to talk about it, so I didn't get upset. Ahead of my starting back, I made an impromptu visit to see everyone one day and I am so glad I did. I felt physically sick going into the building, but was everyone was lovely and yes there were tears, but more from them not me! my boss blubbed as to what I had been through- (we had a private chat about it).

Work went well, although one girl did make some stupid comment - she sadly can't have children so it was along the lines of "at least you have one" - i was very upset and did confront her about it.

The hospital told me, that first AF would be around 3-4 weeks after bleeding following MMC stopped. I bled for almost two weeks after ( some very small clots)and just under three after weeks that had AF- slightly heavier than usual but everyone is different.

Four weeks after the procedure - I went back to the ward for follow up - negative pregnancy test. I wasn't expecting my reaction to being back on the ward , I was churning, wobbly legs and it didn't help that a lady in the waiting room had a small baby bump - tears started and I had to go outside to sort myself out.

As i say, it is 6 weeks on now, it does get easier, although it is day to day. I have had AF, but now have to make the decision of TTC again , very scared.

I think you are at the very worst stage, until you are through the physical side, you can't really move on to the grieving stage.

I am sorry if I have been too graphic, I stumbled on this site googling my options on the day of my MMC and the girls on here shared their experience, which really helped me to prepare. It is a horrendous time, I never imagined a miscarriage would involve so much on a mental or physical level. My thoughts are with you - feel free to pm me if you need any more info - I find it helps me to talk, so you really won't upset me.

Thinking of you and hope it "proceeds" as quickly as possible for you

 

[mlyn26]

Thanks Whyme, that has helped. I have been reading up on my options and each 3 routes seem unbearable. The doc said wait a week and if nature hasnt taken its course will proceed down one of the other 2 routes. I am now not so sure i can wait even a week. Like you said i need the physical aspect to be over with before i can begin dealing with it all. I am really scared about it 'gushing' out coz i am already finding each toilet trip traumatic. I am already anaemic so will mention to my doc as feeling quite faint due to losing blood already. So upsetting as got my midwife apt through yesterday and my prescription exemption card. Have to alert them tht i no longer need the apt and also i have to return my exemption cert card. Plus i signed up with emma's diary and pregnancy weekly and have had some bits in post, email etc. Its gutting that one minute you are preg, i was costing the things i'd need to get only on sat, and now i feel like i have nothing. Its going to be hard TTC and getting preg again (fx'd it will happen). The next time though i wont be telling anyone apart from our parents coz i feel that it would almost have been easier telling people after we had the MC if they hadn't known we were pregnant. Not sure if that makes sense?
At the moment i cant face seeing or speaking to anyone. I hope these feelings lift. x

 

[whyme]

So glad you replied, I reread my post and thought i had probably been TMI, so sorry.

I feel completely opposite to telling people when I am pregnant next time (how's that for PMA!), I feel that i will tell people very early on, so that I am supported, particuarly work, which can be stressful. I am going to take extra care - I know they say nothing can prevent it happening, but god forbid it happens again, at least i can say, that i did everything i could. (We only told family and few close friends about the pregnancy this time - were waiting for first scan).

Following the MMC, I had to cancel my NT scan, couldn't face saying it over the phone so emailed the clinic. I had my midwife booking appointment the day before it happened, and said then I didn't feel pregnant - even joked that "i hope they find something in there, when they scan me" but i thought i was feeling better as i was heading towards the end of the first trimester...
And then there were the ruddy babysite newsletters,via email - congratulations you are eleven weeks pregnant...

It is horrendous, there is no denying that. I really had no idea what it would involve.
Will be thinking of you, hope it goes as well as it possibly can for you.

This site has ben an amazing support for me -have never poured my heart out to cyber space before!

Be prepared for the crap things people say, meaning well, but noone can understand this until they have been there, which is why I find this site helps.

Am here if you ever need to talk. In the meantime, be kind to yourself, it is a very rocky road, but we will all get there Take care xxx

 

[lilly77]

Hi melody
I'm so sorry for your loss. I know its so painful isn't it...
I started m/c over the weekend, and had it confirmed on Sunday. I was nearly 12 weeks The baby had stopped growing at 5 weeks or never grew.. I've been told to come in on Friday to have another internal scan and only then will they officially diagnose me. But i have been bleeding all week and its getting heavier every day but still not so heavy that i have to change pads every hour. The awful thing is I don't want to go the toilet anymore as I just can't face seeing blood everytime I go. Its so upsetting. I hope that they offer me a d&c on Fri if its safe as I'd rather it just be clear and they we can ttc. Also i still have pregnancy hormones flying around my body which makes it worse I've never felt so empty and sad.

I have taken the week off work, double blow as I am self employed and can't have sick leave - I just lost out on paid work this week but there is no way I could have gone in and faced my clients in the emotional state that I'm in. I think you should definitely take some time off for yourself until you feel ready.

I found telling people really hard but I wanted to straight away as I didn't want to burst into tears if I told someone a week down the line. People have been very supportive and understanding and alot of women in my life have come forward to say that it had happened to them, so you really feel less alone.
This site has been SO helpful to me, to hear others stories of their experiences, happening at a similar time - its just made me feel a bit better.
Hope you are doing ok and best of luck to you xxxx

 

[mlyn26]

[The awful thing is I don't want to go the toilet anymore as I just can't face seeing blood everytime I go. Its so upsetting. I hope that they offer me a d&c on Fri if its safe as I'd rather it just be clear and they we can ttc.


This is exactly how i feel. I keep holding it as dont want to go to the loo. It also isn't just blood is it, sorry if tmi but i keep getting watery stuff and mucusy stuff. Is this normal? I went to the doc today who was wonderful and i feel a little better. He has signed me off for a week and said to keep calling in each week and they will write a new cert without me having to make an apt. He explained that this way it means if i want to go back earlier than i thought i can coz everyone is different. It then got me thinking that i may actually go back next weds for 2 days before the easter break. Although may feel differently then. But have to go back at some point.

My friends have been absolutely wonderful. No-one has said the wrong thing, infact they have all said lovely things although not sure i could see anyone face to face until next week. Its times like this that you really value your friends. Oddly, i am not feeling that i dont want to be around friends with babies/pregnant friends and almost would prefer to be around them. Its almost as if i know they would know more than those who arent preg or have kids how awful it must be. Not sure if that makes sense?

This site is so helpful. Pleased i came bk to it as wasnt sure i could face it after being in 1st tri only y'day morning with my pregnancy tickers and positive preg test avatar.

Thanks all for your kind words. x

 

[Odd Socks]

*hugs*
so sorry melody
thinking of you.
xx

 

[mel marmoss]

so sorry for your loss. i had a mc in feb 4 weeks ago it was the worst day of my life. i had a natural mc i didnt need any intervention which i was glad of couldnt face stating in hospital for longer than i had to. i started bleeding on the thur night then on the sunday i started getting lots of pain and the bleeding was really heavy i went to hospital and they sent me home cos the bleeding did settle a bit. then i passed what i believe was the sack the bleeding was heavy for the first few days i knew when there was more clots coming cos the bleeding would increase then slow down again. i bleed for a week and i had that week off work. i went back cos i needed to be busy. it does get better some days you want to scream at people that dont understand when they say something like it was not ment to be and better happening now they dont know what is happening to you. you dont need these thing said to you but i know they are trying to make you feel better. you will get there sending you love and

 

[mlyn26]

Thank you Odd Socks and Mel marmoss