Uvlollypop
finally a mum
- Joined
- Feb 24, 2008
- Messages
- 5,571
- Reaction score
- 0
A suicide bomber runs into a pet shop and yells, 'you've all got 30 seconds to get out!'
The tortoise at the back of the shop shouts, 'you *******!'
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Why are women like clouds? eventually they piss off and its a really nice day
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A man walks into a petrol station and says, 'can I please have a KitKat Chunky?'
The lady behind the till gets him a KitKat Chunky and brings it back to him.
'No,' says the man, 'I wanted a normal KitKat, you fat bitch.'
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My wife, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me one of these mood rings so she could monitor my mood.
We discovered that, when I am in a good mood, it turns green and, when I am in a bad mood, it leaves a big frigging big red mark on her forehead.
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I was at an ATM money machine when an old lady came up and asked me to check her balance.
So I pushed her over.
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Zebo, a half blind five year old south african orphan, has to ride 7 miles a day to school with only one leg on a bicycle with buckled wheels and no brakes. Give just a small donation of 2 dollars and we'll send you the video, it's bloody hilarious....
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I had a dog named Minton who had an unfortunate habit of eating shuttlecocks.
Bad Minton.
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Two men are in a pub. One says to his mate 'My mother-in-law is an angel'. The reply from his friend...... 'You're so bloody lucky... Mine's still alive...'
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A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.
The librarian says; 'Piss off, you won't bring it back.'
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2 Men in a pub one is riding a Bucking Bronco Machine. He lasts over 10 minutes.
'Geeeeez mate, that was impressive!'
'I get lots of practice' Replied the other guy. 'My Wifes an epileptic'
The tortoise at the back of the shop shouts, 'you *******!'
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Why are women like clouds? eventually they piss off and its a really nice day
-------------------------------------------------------------------
A man walks into a petrol station and says, 'can I please have a KitKat Chunky?'
The lady behind the till gets him a KitKat Chunky and brings it back to him.
'No,' says the man, 'I wanted a normal KitKat, you fat bitch.'
--------------------------------------------------------------------
My wife, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me one of these mood rings so she could monitor my mood.
We discovered that, when I am in a good mood, it turns green and, when I am in a bad mood, it leaves a big frigging big red mark on her forehead.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
I was at an ATM money machine when an old lady came up and asked me to check her balance.
So I pushed her over.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Zebo, a half blind five year old south african orphan, has to ride 7 miles a day to school with only one leg on a bicycle with buckled wheels and no brakes. Give just a small donation of 2 dollars and we'll send you the video, it's bloody hilarious....
----------------------------------------------------------------------
I had a dog named Minton who had an unfortunate habit of eating shuttlecocks.
Bad Minton.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Two men are in a pub. One says to his mate 'My mother-in-law is an angel'. The reply from his friend...... 'You're so bloody lucky... Mine's still alive...'
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.
The librarian says; 'Piss off, you won't bring it back.'
----------------------------------------------------------------------
2 Men in a pub one is riding a Bucking Bronco Machine. He lasts over 10 minutes.
'Geeeeez mate, that was impressive!'
'I get lots of practice' Replied the other guy. 'My Wifes an epileptic'
