Something that is helping me

[AlwaysPraying]

I'm in no shape to give advice or to help anyone right at this minute. I am scheduled for my D&C on tuesday, today is our last day together, he is so sick and can't survive.

I was crying today at my partner and saying the usual pains about - there is supposed to be six more months, I'm supposed to give birth in november, we're supposed to have a baby at christmas. It wasn't supposed to end like this, at 14 weeks, it was supposed to be so different.

He looked me straight in the eye and said, "NO, this IS exactly how it was supposed to be". He went on to tell me that this is our babies story and he was supposed to be with us for 14 weeks and 5 days and not a day longer or shorter. We were never meant to give birth in november, we were never meant to have a baby at this christmas.

I tried to respond and say, "it was only that I forced them to do a 12 week ultrasound that we even found out". I told him how I pushed it and how they agreed, and if that never happened we would have found out at the 18 week ultrasound. That it COULD be a different story.

Again, he stood strong and said again, "NO, we would have found out at 12 weeks no matter what, because that is our story, the world would have made that happen, nothing could have changed what happened".

I think it's really going to help me moving forward. With all the dates, the dates that pass where I'm "supposed to be" at a certain point, and all that. I can say, that I'm not supposed to be anything, I'm supposed to be right where I am. Respecting and honouring due dates, birthdays, conception dates is different. Not that it was supposed to be, but that's what would have been, if it would have been different. But it wasn't.

It's 3am here and I'm trying to stay up as long as I can to spend as much time with my little man as possible. I've learned that my baby is so strong and so capable. That he has fought so hard and I can't contain him any longer. It's only his earthly body that will be missing, but his soul will forever stay with us. Not a moment goes by that I don't think something new and it's hard to keep up with it's all happening so fast. I just don't want to be sad. It IS sad, but I owe my baby love and tenderness, honour and respect. My babies short life isn't sad, it just was 14 weeks. It's too bad and sad that it wasn't able to last longer, that is so true, but the life that this baby had was all it had, it's all it knows, it is his story from start to finish.

 

[tinadecember]

i am so sorry to hear what you are going through i know it is a terrible time.. i had a mmc 6 weeks ago at 8 weeks. I only said the other day "i would have had my 12 week scan by now" and i know i will probably be saying on 5th november when i would have been due that "today was supposed to be my due date"

like you said, our babies are only gone in body not in spirit. i hope the grieving process is easy as can be for you xxxxx

 

[littlebuddha]

 

[babytots]

will be thinking of you and your baby tomorow hunni. x

 

[beaney]

I wanted to reply but don't know what to say. I wish you all the peace and best possible memories of the time you have spent with your angel. The way way you're looking at your time with your little man is inspirational. Will definitely be thinking of you tomorrow. x

 

[borntobeamum]

I will be thinking of you so much tomorrow honey, sending you strength to get through this next stage.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[AlwaysPraying]

Am I prepared guys? I mean really? Can anyone ever prepare to have their baby gone? I'm trying to do everything possible to deal with what's going to happen. I feel like I'm watching this tidal wave coming in and all I can do is watch.

 

[babytots]

hun your prepared as best you can be from what we have told you but you can never be prepared for losing your baby or for what lies ahead i'll be thinking of you sweetheart x

 

[borntobeamum]

Am I prepared guys? I mean really? Can anyone ever prepare to have their baby gone? I'm trying to do everything possible to deal with what's going to happen. I feel like I'm watching this tidal wave coming in and all I can do is watch.

No one can really "prepare" you for what you are going through honey, it is the most horrid feeling, knowing that your baby will be gone and I wont even try and tell you differently, but by the sounds of it you are as "prepared" as you can ever be.

love to you and your baby boy.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[shaunanicole]

 

[catfromaus]

You are as prepared as you ever can be to go through something so terrible. The way you are handling things is amazing- you should be really proud of your inner strength. Sending you lots of positive thoughts, I really do hope that you find comfort wherever it presents itself.

Cat
xxx

 

[AlwaysPraying]

Well, thank you. Maybe I asked if I was prepared enough because I knew I wasn't. We went in today for the procedure and I couldn't go through with it. It was overwhelming and I just snapped, hit a wall, whatever. We are going back tomorrow. I don't know if a day will help, but I couldn't see straight this morning, I couldn't walk, I didn't think it was a healthy way to go into even a minor surgery. Tomorrow I will be much more calm and prepared, I'm sure of it.

 

[RobenR]

It is beautiful what your OH said to you and it will help you move on. Nothing will prepare you for what you are about to face, it was the most terrifying time of my life. I remember laying in the hallway on a gurney, having labour pains, waiting to be taken into the OR and crying from pain and terror. All I could think was that it wasn't supposed to end like this, I wasn't supposed to lose my girl at 18w, I was supposed to have her in July. It still hurts to think about.

to you and your family and your little boy. You are strong and you will make it through this. I will be thinking of you.

 

[Naya69]

i think what your oh said was very true. in life our paths are pointed out and everything is ment to be as hard as it sounds this is the path that your little one was ment to take and i think he is showing a very surporting side in pointing this out.
one day you will get your sticky bean and then your paths will meet.
i will be thinking of your tomorrow and i hope that you will start to feel better soon xxxx