Soon to be divorced

[rykersmommie]

My name is Erica, I am 22 years old and was married for 3 years. When my son was born he became abusive toward me, as well as jealous of my baby. I decided if I was going to leave that it needed to be before my son got to attached because i knew that things would only get worse. It makes me very sad that it took us bringing a child in to this world for him to show that he wasn't who i thought he was. I just hope that one day he and I will be able to have a decent relationship for the sake of my son. That is if he chooses to come be part of his life. I have been gone for 2 and a half months and he has come to spend time with his son 4 times. I need help knowing how to handle this situation and handle him not seeing daddy. I would really love any advice from anybody who understands my situation. Or anybody that would like to give me advice on being a single mommy.

 

[Shezza84uk]

I am so sorry you are going through this well done for leaving, an abusive environment is not only dangerous it is also very traumatic and distressing. How old is your son? I ask his age because it depends what level of understanding he has about his father I know this is not the same but when I was in a relationship my daughters father was away at least 90% of the year he is in the military.

She was always ok with not seeing or speaking to him because she was so little , to help her with the separation I made her a book of memories I put pictures and allow blank pages for her to draw and make him cards so when she did see him she could give them to him. Now that we are separated I have continued with this because it is in her best interest that I still acknowledge she has a father I leave her book of memories in a place she have access to it and at times she would sit looking in it or she would take it to me to tell her about the places in the pictures.

Obviously this wouldnt work for everyone but because he has some contact or visitation it is best to try to build the bridges where possible until they are old enough to understand x

 

[rykersmommie]

Thank you so much for your support and i love those ideas! My son is 5 months old and was 2 months when i left, he has no idea who his daddy is because he is never around. He has seen him a total of 5 times in the 3 months i have been gone. It makes it really hard on me because i want him to know who his daddy is and that he loves him. I am just concerned that he will be one of those fathers that comes and goes and that would break my heart because i know it would be hard on my son. I love the idea of a book of pictures that is a great way for him to know who he is.