Spina Bifida - my fault

[babyduejan17]

I had a scan 8 days ago and was told that my baby has spina bifida although they cannot yet give me the type as the baby is so small so I'm going back in 6 days for a further scan with the consultant.

I'm heartbroken, not the fact that my baby has spina bifida because I know that I will carry to term and have my baby, be a full time carer if needs be, but because my husband blames me, he thinks it's my fault because I haven't taken my folic acid everyday, when I got to around 10 weeks I just kept forgetting and maybe took it every 2 days.

He's right, it's my fault!

 

[cupcake23]

I'm sorry about your baby, I'm more upset about your oh reaction, you should be supporting each other, folic acid only reduces the risk and there's no way of knowing if it would have made a difference in your case.

Please don't blame yourself. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this x

 

[fxmummyduck]

It's not your fault at all, please dont think that. I'm sorry your oh has reacted that way, I'd be having a talk with him. From my limited knowledge the neural tube has formed before 10 weeks so forgetting a few folic acid tablets after that I highly doubt would make a difference.

I really hope your baby has the least severe form, my sister was born with spina bifida, she had surgery at 18 months old. She has some bladder problems, and a few other things but she does just fine. She is married with two beautiful boys and walks fine etc, you wouldn't know she had a few disabilities if you met her. There are some amazing things they can do now with closing the membranes over the spine in utero.

Thinking of you and your baby.

And right now you need to stop any thoughts that this is your fault.

 

[britt0285]

Please don't blame yourself. They can do some really awesome corrective surgeries and there are lots of people with varying degrees of spina bifida who live very full lives.

 

[Fairydustt]

 

[minties]

It is NOT your fault. By 10 weeks the babies spine would have already been the way it is anyway. Your OH is being a dickhead.

 

[Nikko88]

Missing folic acid every other day wouldn't cause spina bifida. This isn't your fault. There is folic acid in the foods we eat. Some woman never take a prenatal their entire pregnancy and never have a problem.

Be kind to yourself. Your husband is just hurting and scared.

 

[tag74]

Completely not your fault. Many women DO NOT take folic acid and everything is fine. I took it religiously amongst every other supplement and I still lost my son at 18 weeks. Tell that to your husband. He's being very selfish right now.

 

[sethsmummy]

this is absolutely not your fault! as the other ladies have said the spine has already formed by 10 weeks! your oh should be supporting you not blaming you

 

[Isme]

The reason so many foods are fortified with folic acid is because issues with the neural tube are likely to occur before many women even realize they are pregnant. Missing your prenatal at 10 weeks did NOT cause this. There are, many times that women do everything "right" and things like this happen. There are just as many where women do everything "wrong" and have perfectly healthy babies. It could just really be the luck of the draw... or (and I'm just trying to be honest) it could be because you are one of the many women who are unable to metabolize synthetic folic acid properly. That is not something you could predict or account for. In either case, it is NOT your fault. You did not do this.

 

[Jessicahide]

A lot of women don't find out they are pregnant n time for folic acid to have any effect, but so many foods contain added folic acids, sorry your oh is being so horrible, its extremely unfair of him!

 

[Hope16]

I was on progesterone the first 12 weeks of my pregnancy...that, and taking prenatals made me feel awful so I skipped MANY days and now I am 32 weeks along and I still don't take my prenatals everyday. They just make me feel terrible. My baby is measuring just fine and is healthy. So do not blame yourself over prenatals. It is something out of your control. I'm sure your doctor can validate this as well.

 

[tommyg]

As others have said it is not your fault babies spine is formed before 10 weeks. The advice a few years ago was your didn't need it beyond week 12.
Hugs that you are having to deal with it without his support. I had a scare last week screening test came back "high risk". My findings were it could be fairly mild to very severe.
For me it turned out ok, someone had mixed up my height & weight, skewing the blood test. My emotions have gone from, relief, upset, to heartache for the ladies like yourself who go to scans, or get that phone call and it doesn't turn out ok.
Major hugs to you be kind and gentle with yourself.

 

[Miss_Cellany]

It's seriously not your fault. If only I could have words with your other half...! Loads of foods naturally have folic acid (peas, asparagus, spinach, beans etc) and loads have been fortified (bread, cereal etc).

Try not to worry as it may not be severe. My husband had spina bifida when he was born and was whisked away for corrective surgery at birth. He has literally no health problems. You'd never know except for the scar on his lower back. In fact it's the only reason I know as I asked him how he got the scar! He's a police officer and super fit.