Step-Parenting

[Amber_Lynn822]

Hello all.
Gosh I wish there was a step-parenting area on here!!! Anyways my question is about my soon-to-be 10 year old step-daughter. Her birthday is coming up fast and my husband and I are flying out to Cali for it.
I want to get her a matching necklace (one for her, one for me) Her mother will be there at the party when I give it to her (Hubby and baby momma were never married, and have been over for 7 years)

Now the question is should I leave it at her and I or to make my baby momma comfortable should I have one made for her too?

An amazing co-worker of mine will be making the necklaces

Thanks Ladies!

 

[Lyndz]

I have an 8 year old step son and my gosh yes, i wish there was a step parenting bit on here!

I would have one made for her mother too i think, just so it didn't seem like a just the two of you thing, depending on how well you get on with baby momma, she might not take it well if you see what i mean, where as if all 3 of you have one, it shows you and her have a special bond an she and her mother do!

 

[netty]

I am step mum to an 11 year old.

If i did anything like that for my step daughter I would get loads of crap for trying to take over from her mum.
The mum would not be at the same party as me anyway.
Nothing I have done but obviously not ready to share her daughter 4 years later

 

[RiverSong]

I wish there was one too, i had a post on it a while ago. If i remember rightly (please correct me) but some of the reasons were that the mods didnt want to risk it not being used. Also a lot of women consider their skids their 'kids' rather than skids. Which i do now lo is here, but i didnt used to as mean as that is.x

 

[Amber_Lynn822]

Riversong- Oh I do concider her my own but step parents have so many of their own unique issues.

Netty- I am so grateful that my bm is so accepting of me I try so hard not to step on toes, but it happens. It's so hard combining families. Can I ask was your OH married to your BM? I think that's what makes it so easy for me they never were.

 

[MissMandieMitz]

If it were me, no, I wouldn't make one for her. In fact, she wouldn't even be at the party!

 

[Mellybelle]

Hey Amber_Lynn, I think the necklace is a beautiful idea. Perhaps it might be an idea to ask the bm about it first.

Step parenting is tricky. I love my skids like my own, but their bm hates me! I've tried to get along with her, but no matter what dh and I do, its the wrong thing. Step parenting can be tricky but I think the hardest part of it is the ex!

 

[Mellybelle]

Hey Amber_Lynn, I think the necklace is a beautiful idea. Perhaps it might be an idea to ask the bm about it first.

Step parenting is tricky. I love my skids like my own, but their bm hates me! I've tried to get along with her, but no matter what dh and I do, its the wrong thing. Step parenting can be tricky but I think the hardest part of it is the ex!

 

[Inge]

Hey Amber_Lynn, I think the necklace is a beautiful idea. Perhaps it might be an idea to ask the bm about it first.

Step parenting is tricky. I love my skids like my own, but their bm hates me! I've tried to get along with her, but no matter what dh and I do, its the wrong thing. Step parenting can be tricky but I think the hardest part of it is the ex!

I agree its tricky! BM hates me too and doesnt like OH either she pushed him away and wanted him to have nothing to do with her pregnancy or birth (she was pregnant less then 3 months of them being together) and says its OH's fault. He's a lovely guy so I hate seeing him made to look bad infront of her friends and family my ss is 8 and we wer all going to watch the WWE wrestling together but when BM heard about me going she said no one goes if I go So iv backed out even though I paid half for the tickets Iv been around for a while now so she should be used to me buy now and know Im not going anywhere I agree a step parenting forum would be a great idea

 

[Lyndz]

I know for one i would always be in a step parenting forum! There is one on a large, well known forum but it's so bitchy and nasty that it puts me off posting so i just stick to BnB!

 

[QuintinsMommy]

i think thats a nice idea with the necklaces i would do it

side note i also wish there was a step parenting section

 

[amber26]

Lovely idea for the necklaces i am a step parent too two children.There Bm was a cow at first but she ain't to bad now.
I have been around a long time to since the kids were 5 and 3.My husband was not married to there Bm.
At the end of the day if you can talk to the BM.I would ask her if she feels uncomfortable i don't see why you should.
At the end of the day its better to try and get on for the sake of the kids

 

[Vixen_17]

I agree in asking her mum. You guys are lucky if you can actually communicate. My ex doesn't talk to me at all and won't even come to my front door when he comes to collect my son (sorry, our son). Make the most of it. BTW, I think its a fantastic idea and you're obviously a very thoughtful step mum.

-x-

 

[IHrtSteve]

Touchy subject. If you care what your SD mom thinks, you should get her one as well. Personally, I wouldnt but thats cause my SSs mom is a beast! LOL good luck!

 

[seoj]

In my personal situation, heck NO! lol. I would only give one to my kid... BUT... she is with us full time and her mom has always gone out of her way to be nasty or mean to me or try to make me and her Dad look bad... it's finally gotten better this past year... but we still wouldn't trust her at all when it comes down to it...

With that said... if you have a good relationship with her mom, then it's not gonna hurt to make her one too... it would be very sweet of you I think

 

[Kathleen]

There was a thread on step parenting but not sure where it is, my SD is the only thing parenting like that I can relate to-even though I don't feel like a stepmum yet!

I like the idea of a necklace for BM, that is if shes going to be at the party, if you get on and if shes likely to give you grief if you didn't. I can imagine from her point of view why she might feel left out or not a part of it. But every BM is different!

 

[tjw]

Maybe a compromisal idea...

The necklace for dsd to have two different colours of stones in it, then your necklace has one of the colours for its stones and her bm's necklace has the other colour for the stones?

That way dsd's necklace shows the two unique bonds she has with each of you, and her bm is not being pushed out or over-included iykwim.

Or alternatively dsd necklace could be silver and gold, then yours could be made of one and her bm's be made of the other?

Again, symbolising as mentioned above.

Good luck with whatever you decide xx

 

[tjw]

Ps: I'd like a step parenting section too. I have an 8yr old dsd

 

[tallybee]

netty started a step parenting support thread in the groups and discussions section here:

https://www.babyandbump.com/parenting-groups/599119-step-parents-support-thread.html

See you there

 

[Amber_Lynn822]

Thanks!