Struggling to potty train son

[Teri7489]

My boy is 2 (29 months) and HATES having his nappy off. Well any of his clothes off now that I tried to potty train him, have scarred the poor little guy for life! Now when I even show him the potty or take his nappy off (to change it) he goes hysterical and shouts "away" He doesn't speak great yet so that's another challenge.

Just leave it a month or so? What age did you successfully potty train your boy?

 

[gingmg]

Sounds like he isn't ready. I would leave it and try again in a few more months. I didn't want to have any fights or drama regarding potty training (feels like we have enough challenges as it is) so I just waited until he was ready. We talked about it and read books about it and I basically told him to let me know when he was ready to try it. Out of the blue a few weeks ago he took his diaper off and peed in the regular toilet. He was so proud of himself. Some days now he asks for a diaper and some days he asks for underwear. I assume he will slowly start using it more and more. He turned three in November.

 

[Teri7489]

Thank you for your reply! Yeah probably best to just forget about it for a while and just try again when he's a bit bigger. His sister was fully ready to try (I thought he was as he wakes up with a dry nappy every day) She did it day and night in 3 days so was thinking I'd be lucky this time too at the same age but really shouldn't compare children.

 

[SarahBear]

Leo was out of diapers at 23 months. He regressed at 24 and we didn't give it a serious try again for a long time, primarily because we got a puppy. If it weren't for that, we would have given it another good try at 27 months. As it was, I tried again around Thanksgiving (32 months). He made good progress, but when I went back to work, my husband (stay at home dad) put him back in diapers and he regressed both in skill and attitude. We left it until Christmas break (I'm a teacher) when he was 33 months old. Now at almost 35 months, he has been mostly successful with some ups and downs. It has been a slow steady process.

My daughter was another story. She was out of diapers the month that she was 18 months old and she was requesting the toilet every time. She regressed at 19 months old and then we went on vacation. She naturally shifted back out at 23 months old but wasn't as consistent as when she was 18 months old. She had some ups and downs until she was about 2 years 5 months when she completely regressed. At about 3 or so months short of her 3rd birthday, we attempted to potty train her and found success fairly quickly.

With Violet there was a lot more active behavioral resistance. With Leo, he hasn't really shown too much resistance. One major difference is that Leo is more receptive to praise and shows more pride in accomplishing a task that an adult deems valuable. Violet had a bit of an emotional "crisis" when we took diapers away, but she recovered quickly and took to the toilet. Leo has been more smooth sailing despite a slow pace whereas Violet had more drastic swings with it.

One thing that I found helpful with both as they got close to three (not so helpful closer to two) is to make them clean up after their accidents and be in charge of getting their clean clothes to change into. Of course chocolate chips to reward toilet use was helpful as well! Since Leo has trouble with poop, he gets a chocolate button for that.

Before you can do any of that though, you need to flip the negative association. I had to do that with Violet before potty training.

 

[adrie]

Our eldest self trained at 28 mo, and was 100% trained about 4mo after that. We just had to guide and encourage her and she was good to go. I think she had 3 accidents outside of the house and maybe a handful of night accidents (the last of which she woke up half way through and finished in the washroom). Man did she hate wetting herself! She was always interested in the toilet from about 18mo onward. We have a potty book she has always loved and asked to read at 2+ years; maybe that also had something to do with it.

I plan to see how things go with our son. I'm thinking to try around 30mo as well, unless he shows an interest sooner. I'd much rather not press it and make it a positive experience.

 

[sophxx]

Leave him when he’s ready you won’t need to train him he will just go to the toilet him self. My son never had a accident , never wet the bed, has never not been able to wait till we went to the toilet as we waited till his body was ready making everything 0 stressful for us all.

 

[Rags]

Why not leave it till the warmer weather when he's wearing less anyway, that way there's less to strip off if he needs to go - and less to change if he has an accident.
I was very lucky with Ds and it happened by accident (when he was 28 months). He complained that his nappy was uncomfortable one evening, woke up the next day with a horrid itchy rash and didn't want to wear anything, I moved the potty seat into the living room and by the time the rash had cleared up he was out of nappies - day and night (but he'd been dry over night since he was very little)

 

[misspriss]

Just trained DD. She is 2.75 years. We did not really wait until she was "ready" per se. Learning to use the potty is a learned skill. Probably would be easier for the parent if the kid is eager to go.

That said, we just did it. Told her it was time to learn and we needed to practice. We kept practicing and praising until she got it. Took about 5 days for pee and about 10 days for poop (less chances to practice) for her to start telling us on her own (not going on a schedule).

The hardest part is teaching her to use the right amount of toilet paper and not unroll it all while she is in there. This wasn't a problem with DS, because, well, he's a boy.

We trained ODS at 18 months, 3 day naked method. Worked great. Slight pee regression when DD was born, but not poop.

He is probably confused. He has gone his whole life pooping and peeing in a diaper. When you tried to potty train him, you told him what he'd been doing was incorrect and he needed to do something else, but then he's back in diapers again, so that is okay now? One thing I did when I did it - you can't go back. Once the diapers are gone, they are gone. If pee pee goes in the potty, not in a diaper - it never goes in a diaper again. This was less important for ODS, trained so early, his mine was pretty fluid and easy to tell what to do. DD is nearly 3, she needed the consistency of "No diapers again, ever" We went straight to real panties too, no pull ups or thick panties.

Now, we didn't wait until she was "ready" as in, it was on her agenda. But she was both physically ready (which I believe happens quite early, sphincter control happens like 13-15 months) and had the communication skills I thought were necessary. It doesn't sound like your DS has the communication skills. My DD is very verbal. She has been speaking in sentences since about 20 months. I can have a sit down conversation about what it feels like before the poop comes out. With training DS younger, it was a a matter of showing him how to get to the potty on time, when he was much less verbal. With an older child, you have to help them do it themselves.

I plan to train YDS at 18 months, just like ODS.

 

[Strassette]

You are not alone in your struggle! Though I am not in this stage yet, I walked with my sister in trying to potty train her three year old who did not like the potty. My sister did try, but gave breaks if it was going no where. One thing she did as well was to have her daughter play around the house without anything on her bum (sounds weird.. and obviously only do this around the house). It helped her daughter go to the potty because it helped her feel the sensation of needing to go and accidents didn't feel good. It sounds weird, but it worked for them!
Good luck. Again, take a break if you need it. It can be a long process

 

[Teri7489]

I did that with my daughter, she was more than happy to run around with her but out lol. My son on the other hand wants his nappy back on instantly now. As soon as I take it off he's pulling his very down and saying nappy so I put it back on quick. I've decided to just leave it a month or so, he's obviously not ready and it will just be a battle. He will get it in time, so no need to stress over it. I work night shift any way so when I do try again I can be home with him

 

[Zephram]

My son is a similar age, he's 30 months, and I also don't think he's ready to train. We made a half hearted attempt over his summer preschool holidays - it has been really hot here so we've been letting him have lots of nappy off time and he has managed to do two poos in the potty but has just peed everywhere. So he definitely understands when he needs to go poo but he's resistant to sitting on the toilet or potty to try to wee, so I'm holding off for a while. Plus I am due for baby 3 next week, so I don't have the time or energy to put into it right now. I think we're going to wait a couple of months and try again. DS1 was closer to 3 before he 'got it', so I'm not expecting DS2 to be any earlier.

I personally don't think there's any point pushing them into it until they show readiness. We tried to train DS1 from when he was 2.5 until almost 3 and he wasn't having a bar of it until he decided it was his idea and then he figured it out almost over night.

 

[SarahBear]

I did that with my daughter, she was more than happy to run around with her but out lol. My son on the other hand wants his nappy back on instantly now. As soon as I take it off he's pulling his very down and saying nappy so I put it back on quick. I've decided to just leave it a month or so, he's obviously not ready and it will just be a battle. He will get it in time, so no need to stress over it. I work night shift any way so when I do try again I can be home with him

What about letting yourself run out of diapers but having a stack of underwear ready to go?

 

[MrsPear]

My son is 3 years and 3 months, and we've just started. We tried last summer for a couple of days but he clearly didn't 'get' it and began to get distressed. I'd say wait a few months and it might be a lot easier.