Success stories after life threatening pregnancy?

[beemeck]

So I'm pretty sure I'm in a league of my own here with my experience of a cervical pregnancy. The odds are 1 in 16,000 and I've yet to see any other ladies on BNB that seem to have had one. So I'm reaching out to see if there are any other women that went through a life threatening pregnancy that might be able to offer me some hope...

We fell pregnant the first time TTC. I noticed I had EWCM, we BDed that night and the next night. Boom - pregnant. After finding out the pregnancy had implanted in my cervix at 6 weeks, I was hospitalized, given 3 doses of MTX (one every other day) and prepared for a surgery that would go in through my femoral artery to temporarily restrict blood flow to my uterus to avoid bleeding out and requiring a hysterectomy. I ended up hemorrhaging before the surgery could be performed. In the 10 minutes it took to get me from my room down to the ER, I had lost 25% of my blood. If I hadn't been in the hospital, I could have died from blood loss depending on where I was and how quick I could have made it the hospital.

The actual emergency surgery just consisted of a D and C, essentially, with stitches in my cervix where the sac had been implanted and removed. The hysterectomy was miraculously avoided and I followed up with Drs for the next 6 weeks. The Drs asked me to wait 3 months before trying again, just to let folic acid build back up and give my body a rest, but overall were impressed with my recovery. I got my period on my regular 29 days, after the day I hemorrhaged.

Since then, I've had NO luck. I even began temping, charting, opks everything. I went to the Dr earlier this month and he agreed that something might be up since I'm not getting pregnant after falling pregnant the first time straight away. He ran the hormone blood test panel and said everything came back fine...

So now I'm just desperate for answers. When I complain to my loved ones, everyone suggests that what I went through wasn't a normal run-of-the-mill experience and that my body just needs time to "heal". But I'm not sure what that means specifically and I just want some sort of answer so that I can work on fixing the problem.

So I guess I'm just wondering if anyone else has experienced something similar - a super traumatic pregnancy that the body just needed some time to heal from? I just want there to be a light somewhere at the end of this tunnel I'm so ready for my rainbow baby and I know I may sound impatient because it hasn't been that long compared to so many, but coming from super fertile easy conception, it's been a hard pill to swallow.

 

[lilmisscaviar]

Unfortunately I don't have much advice for you but I didn't want to read and run. I'm so sorry to hear that you had to go through all that... I could only imagine how you must be feeling both emotionally and especially physically. As to why it happened, sometimes it is just sheer bad luck. There was never any reason that the doctor could find why I suffered three back to back losses and all tests came back normal. I know that is not very helpful but I wouldn't let that prevent you from ttc again. The silver lining would be that your chances of having another cervical pregnancy would be even less than the first time. You've had plenty of time to grieve and don't feel as if you're replacing your baby. You're not. That baby will always be in your heart, even though he/she was never in your arms. I wish you luck, in whatever you decide to do, and if you decide to try again immediately, after what you've been through, you deserve to have all the baby dust in the world!

 

[everything]

I'm so sorry you had to go through that!
I haven't had a traumatic loss mine was the opposite I didn't really feel anything and the bleeding was very minimal both times so I can't really give any advice there but I didn't want to read and run.

I do however know a few women that have fallen pregnant quickly with their first child (1-3 months) and then taken the full 12 months for the second so there is a chance that you are just unlucky (hopefully it's just that).

 

[beemeck]

Unfortunately I don't have much advice for you but I didn't want to read and run. I'm so sorry to hear that you had to go through all that... I could only imagine how you must be feeling both emotionally and especially physically. As to why it happened, sometimes it is just sheer bad luck. There was never any reason that the doctor could find why I suffered three back to back losses and all tests came back normal. I know that is not very helpful but I wouldn't let that prevent you from ttc again. The silver lining would be that your chances of having another cervical pregnancy would be even less than the first time. You've had plenty of time to grieve and don't feel as if you're replacing your baby. You're not. That baby will always be in your heart, even though he/she was never in your arms. I wish you luck, in whatever you decide to do, and if you decide to try again immediately, after what you've been through, you deserve to have all the baby dust in the world!

aw you are so sweet - thank you for your kind words.

although what I went through was intense, I cannot even wrap my head around 3 back to back losses. My heart breaks for you and I hope that you get your beautiful rainbow baby this cycle I can't believe that you haven't gotten any answers either. That is really the hardest part for me. I'm a very logical person so I want answers so that I can create solutions

I know that my pregnancy was a freak thing. It was made extra crazy by the fact that it was my first ever pregnancy. Sometimes cervical pregnancy happens from scarring the uterus due to previous d and c making it hard for the embryo to implant. My doctor kept comparing my situation to being struck by lightning twice in one day I do feel confident that it won't happen again (logically) but I know I will still be worried until my next pregnancy is confirmed in the uterus.

I guess I should have been more clear in my original post. I hemorrhaged beginning of May and began trying again end of July. I guess I was just wondering if anyone else had a time span period of how long their bodies took to heal after a big trauma.

I know you understand - we build up so much love for our babies and then they are gone, but where does that love go? It stays with us and is just hanging around waiting for our baby. So some days I feel like I'm just going to burst

 

[beemeck]

I'm so sorry you had to go through that!
I haven't had a traumatic loss mine was the opposite I didn't really feel anything and the bleeding was very minimal both times so I can't really give any advice there but I didn't want to read and run.

I do however know a few women that have fallen pregnant quickly with their first child (1-3 months) and then taken the full 12 months for the second so there is a chance that you are just unlucky (hopefully it's just that).

hi everything!

thank you for your response

I've heard of this happening too. I think my family is playing into my fears a little bit, unintentionally. I come from a long line of extremely fertile women. As in, everyone getting pregnant their 1st or 2nd month of trying (with each pregnancy). I fell right into this as everyone expected, but now nothing. I'm sure that's just what it is though. I've always thought "unexplained infertility" must be the worse thing to hear because how do you go about fixing it can you tell I'm a fixer, lol? Trying to just breathe and be patient

 

[campn]

I just said the same thing on your TTC journal, about our bodies needing to heal, we aren't just bodies, I believe we are souls that need to be tended to, and a part of your soul was torn from you with your baby torn from you. Your body is probably 100% healed and back to normal, but maybe not your heart and soul. Someone you loved was taken from you... that's not easy.

I was just reading an article about where lost love goes once its over, loss of a parent, friend, loved partner, child, pet... I think the love remains, it's not lost, it's with you day and night, alive in your memory and engraved deeply in your heart.

“Nothing is ever lost nor can be lost; the body aged, sluggish, cold.... the embers left from earlier fires shall dully flame again” - Walt Whitman.

 

[Topanga053]

I do however know a few women that have fallen pregnant quickly with their first child (1-3 months) and then taken the full 12 months for the second so there is a chance that you are just unlucky (hopefully it's just that).

I'm one of those. with our first pregnancy, I got pregnant our second cycle. That was a MMC with two doses of Misoprostel, hemorrhaging, and an emergency D&C. After that it took us 8 full cycles (not including the time we were TTC before AF) to get pregnant again. The waiting was complete hell (I was in therapy at that point and not coping well at all), but in cycle 8 we got pregnant with our daughter, who's now almost two years old. After her, it took us 8 cycles again to get pregnant with our second.

We got tested and everything is working properly. My OB was really surprised when it took us 8 cycles again to get pregnant again after our daughter.

I know it's REALLY hard when the first one happens quickly and then it takes a while after the loss. It's heartbreaking and terrifying. But at least in my case, it meant absolutely nothing! Hopefully the same is true for you! Good luck!!!

 

[everything]

I'm starting to believe that there really is no rule to this, I too come from a line of women that almost get pregnant the month before they decide to get pregnant but it has taken us now 20 months (one MC at 8 weeks in there)
I hate our diagnosis = unexplained infertility exactly because of this, there really is nothing we can do and for now the only plan we have in IVF in the new year.

 

[beemeck]

camp! My BNB BFF. Thank you for your endless support. you always can brighten my day

topanga - THANK YOU! I was hoping to find someone like you - sadly having gone through a traumatic experience with pregnancy but coming out with a real life baby in the end. I'm so sorry for your loss and I thank you for giving me some hope back. In my dark moments, I imagine that everything went wrong due to the complications and that my uterus is broken. Everyone keeps telling me I just need time, but it's so much better hearing it from someone who went through it...and just needed time...

everything - I do wonder if there is any real "science" behind it. Of course I torture myself with thinking that I had that fertile gene but that it got destroyed with my complications. ugh. I can't stop myself from thinking that, but I must try. As I say to all my girls TTC, time is on our side! Based on sheer statistics, each month our chances go up. I have to keep that as my mantra and not let my mind wander to the nasty places

 

[Topanga053]

Oh hun, it's so hard. Losing a baby is so unfair and it shakes your confidence in the entire process.

When several months passed after my MMC with no BFP, I became convinced that we would never have any children. Even though I knew the odds were in our favor, I couldn't stop the "what if" thoughts from coming. My parents were diagnosed as infertile after YEARS of TTC and told they could never conceive. I was basically a complete fluke of nature. I became terrified that the same would happen to us and we would never be able to have a baby. It destroyed me. I became so depressed that I struggled with contemplating suicide. I'm a really happy, upbeat person by nature, so it was a dramatic change. It was a really dark period for us. Poor DH; he was my rock.

At any rate, I know what it's like to feel broken and wonder what if it will never happen again. it's horrible and I thought I would never get out of that place.

And then one day when I was least expecting it (I had written off that cycle), I got a positive pregnancy test. And good ultrasound after good ultrasound showed a healthy baby. After an easy pregnancy, I ended up with my gorgeous daughter, the one I thought would never be here. And she is amazing and worth every minute of heartbreak I went through to get her. At the time, it felt like the pain would never end. Now I look at her and the pain of TTCAL seems like it was over in the blink of an eye. It feels like a single bad day instead of almost a whole year of suffering. I wouldn't wish that journey on anyone, but it made me appreciate my pregnancy so much more when it finally happened. And now I'm 33 weeks with number two and it almost seems funny that back then I "knew" we'd never have kids.

The odds are definitely in your favor. It's heartbreaking, but stay strong and one day, you'll be playing with your child and suddenly look at them and think about the time you were posting on BNB, worried they'd never get here. You just have to be patient.

 

[Topanga053]

And I'm glad my story gave you some hope! That's why I responded. When I was TTCAL, it was the success stories I read here that helped keep me going.

 

[beemeck]

I just wanted to thank you again for sharing your story and your inspiration, Topanga.

I do feel like time is moving so slowly now. It seems AGES ago since I was pregnant - I can't believe it's only been 6 months. I'm sure when it happens for me again, this will all feel like it was a quick bad dream.

I was also seeing someone (therapist) after my experience. I found that it didn't really help me too much. I'm a therapist myself so I always feel like therapy doesn't work for me. Or that I have a different definition of therapy which is just the support I get from all of my loved ones, not to mention the support I've gotten from this site!

I go back and forth with grappling with the fear that something horrible happened to my body and I'm unable to ever get pregnant again. Or that since the drs had no explanation why the baby implanted in my cervix that there is something that will prevent me from ever carrying a baby properly. I try so hard to not let my mind wander there, but with all this time on my hands just waiting, it's hard.

I am so happy that you have 1 (almost 2!) rainbow babies and when I'm not playing devil's advocate with myself I know that I will have mine too.

Good luck with your upcoming delivery! Thank you again so much for sharing your story and journey.

 

[minties]

Could there be some scar tissue in your cervix? I'm sorry if you already mentioned that as I've just skimmed through the replied. There could be an adhesion making the walls of the cervix stick together and blocking the sperm? I had some adhesions from c-section surgery and it seems ridiculously easy for flesh to stick where you don't want it to while it heals.

Sometimes life is also just bloody weird how it goes. I was presumed infertile for about 8 years, we had sex 3-4 times a week and nothing. I had one early loss in all that time but that was it. Then we somehow managed 2 kids in just under 2 years, and I got pregnant last cycle (chemical pregnancy) then pregnant again this cycle). I don't know what changed, I still have whacky as hell cycles that are never the same from one to the next, I don't take any special herbs or fertility potions, I'm the same person but now I can get pregnant. It makes no sense to me. You might find that it's just gonna take a while this time, as hard as that is on your emotions.

 

[beemeck]

thank you for your reply, mint!

I wonder about stuff like that a lot (cervical damage). There are only a handful of women who experience cervical pregnancies and I can't seem to find someone active on threads right now. I wish there was more information about it. Even my docs don't know much about it. The last cervical pregnancy in my city was 15 years ago so if the docs weren't practicing then, I'm the first one they've seen.

Those are going to be my next questions to the doc though - things surrounding my surgery and the site of where the sac was implanted. I know that I've had multiple pelvic exams as the stitches dissolved and all seemed fine, but I'm still looking for more concrete answers.

Unexplained fertility has to be the worst. No one wants to hear that there is something wrong with them, but no one also wants to hear we don't know what's wrong so we can't help you. I'm glad that things changed for you (whatever they were!) and you were able to have children. I do think my time will come - I just don't know when. I think I'm so impatient because of what happened. The doctors prepared me for having a full hysterectomy so now that I've avoided that I'm desperate for another chance. Maybe something to do with being so close to having something taking away from you that I never want to take it for granted again. I want a baby NOW before something else threatens to take it away, which I know is very, very unlikely. It's not rational, but I guess that makes sense with all of the emotions that TTC brings out.

thanks again

 

[hilslo]

Hi Beemeck - I know we've met on a ectopic thread but thought my story might encourage others reading this post.

I had an ectopic in 2013. Although it was not in my cervix, it was in my Fallopian tube, right at the junction to my uterus. I was 13 and a half weeks pregnant (having had my 12 week scan and been told that everything looked fine!!) when I woke up one morning and suddenly had bad pain. It got progressively worse over the next few minutes until it was unbearable and my husband drove to our nearest hospital (lucky for us we only live a 10 min drive from St Thomas hospital in London). I thought as was miscarrying as I had eliminated my fear of ectopic after my scan. They did an internal inspection and said my cervix was closed which was encouraging. Then they did an internal scan and I was so relieved to hear the little heartbeat beating away but the look on the sonographers face told a different picture. She said it was in the wrong place and my tune had burst. The pain I was having on my right hand side was because blood was pooling there. I was immediately prepped for surgery. I had a laparotomy (the incision was larger than for my csection) was in surgery for 6 hours, lost half my blood and my 7.1cm baby was taken away. The worst part was that on the way down to survery I had to sign an abortion consent form as the baby was still alive. Heart-breaking.

However, I'm lucky, according to my specialist, there were only 2 women in the uk who had such late ectopics that year and although she didn't go into detail, she said my outcome was far better than the other girls. I still consider myself to be extremely lucky that I live so close to such a great hospital with such amazing staff. If it wasn't for their quick diagnosis and surgical skill my story might not have ended so well!
I am typing this whilst my 14 month is napping upstairs. I conceived the first month trying after my ectopic (it took a couple of months for my period to return). That pregnancy was not ectopic and unfortunately ended in a MMC but I think that was because I was expecting identical twins which is high risk. Anyway, 3rd pregnancy worked a charm (3minths after MMC) and my little boy is amazing!! I give him extra cuddles when I remember how lucky I am.

In case anyone reading this is now panicking about late ectopics - they've now changed the way they perform 12 week scans as a result of my (and the other girl's) experience so thankfully now if you've had your 12 week scan you are definitely in the clear as far as ectopics go!!