Surprise BFP and hubs not al that happy.

[xforuiholdonx]

Hey guys!
So I just got a last for baby #3, completely unplanned...hubs hasn't flipped at all but he's not happy what so ever. He's worried, stressed, etc.
is it so wrong of me to just want him to stop all the damned negativity and have one pregnancy he doesn't get all bent out of shape about! I know it was unplanned but we are both working and ahead with money etc... Idk it just annoys me entirely. Anyone else have the issue with their husband?

 

[IsabellaJayne]

No advice but wanted to say congrats. I remember you from my last pregnancy . I hope he comes around

 

[charlie_lael]

This pregnancy is unplanned for us as well. Neither of us were very excited(I'm still finding it hard to get excited), but what made me mad was that my hubby blamed me at first and wouldn't even talk about the subject for a week or so! He talks about it now and he sounds more optimistic about it. It's such a big shock and just takes some time.

 

[jonquille]

This pregnancy is unplanned for us as well. Neither of us were very excited(I'm still finding it hard to get excited), but what made me mad was that my hubby blamed me at first and wouldn't even talk about the subject for a week or so! He talks about it now and he sounds more optimistic about it. It's such a big shock and just takes some time.

Hi! Noticed we are at exactly the same stage! Fancy buddying up?


To OP: No advice but just wanted to say congratulations and I hope he comes around! Not nice when its one sided xx

 

[kmr1763]

No advice really. But this was a surprise for us, a HUGE surprise. Ironically, I was the one upset, hubby was very accepting and supportive. So being on the upset/worried/anxious end, I think a little time and he may warm up (as I am just starting to warm up.) But try giving him some time to adjust to the idea. I know if hubby had expected me to have the warm and fuzzies at a time when I was upset and unhappy, I would have been even MORE upset. Hugs mama!

 

[lilmisscaviar]

Congratulations on your pregnancy! Men sometimes just don't understand what we're going through. My husband has never been truly happy about any of my pregnancies. He SAYS he is happy but it mostly sounds like emptiness to me. Even during the birth and delivery he was amazingly calm... almost too calm to the point where I really didn't want him in the room... I wanted him to be overjoyed like I was but instead he showed no emotion whatsoever. I know this is not the same scenario for you but I just wanted to let you know that I'm in a similar boat.

 

[squirrel.]

Congratulations on your pregnancy we're after baby number three as well (I may be biased coming from a family of three kids, but to me it's the best number ).

I totally understand you wanting your husband to share in your joy and feeling annoyed at his worries and stress, but as someone who also had a surprise pregnancy with my son and also had a husband who was less than thrilled about it, I would advise you to be patient with him. When we first found out we were expecting our son it was the worst time possible for us: we were a few weeks away from going on a two-year-emigration to NZ (our life long dream) and had leased out our flat to tenants. It came as a bombshell and both of us were desperately unhappy. When it got to 12 weeks though and I saw our little man waving at us and wiggling all over the place my worries and unhappiness vanished literally that second and instead this powerful love remained. My husband though, was very unhappy for the remainder of the pregnancy and he didn't really get involved at all. When our son was born, it took him a few months, but he finally found his feet as a father and now is an amazing attentive dad who looks after our kids while I'm at work three days a week. Even though it hurt me deeply, I didn't push him to enjoy the pregnancy with me and I listened when he voices his anger and concerns. I didn't ask him to be happy with me or even hint at it, as really, I totally understood where he was coming from. I'd been there too until the 12 week scan. I would suggest giving him time to come to terms with it - an unplanned baby is a huge life upheaval, especially if he was certain he didn't want any more children. To him this might be a truly crushing thing to happen and it may take a really long time for him to feel at peace with it. In the meantime this is of course going to be hard for you, as I imagine you'll want to share the highs with him. Is there someone else you could do that with till he's ready? A close friend, sibling parent etc.?

I do feel sorry for men in these situations and also for the mums who then haven't got a supportive partner during their pregnancy.

I hope he comes around soon!

 

[ElvenDreamer]

If he didn't get excited and was even worried over your first 2 pregnancies then his reaction seems pretty normal for him. A lot of guys get nervous thinking about providing for a child, even if the money situation is fine. And being a surprize hasn't given him a lot of time to sort through his feeling and make his manly game plan in his head. Even though we completely planned our first, DH worried constantly even though he just came across as low-key and not so excited. Now for our completely planned BFP we just got, he's very low-key and not so excited again. Although this time might be because we've had a few more MC while with DS we only had one MC before him. But really, if he is acting similarly to the first 2, I wouldn't worry too much. It's probably just his way. H&H 9 months!

 

[lewood88]

Congrats hun and i remember u when i was having dd2 xxx

 

[xforuiholdonx]

Thank you ladies!! we talked last night, well we did more yelling out our feelings about the situation then talking, and he is a lot better this morning!!
I get why he's not all excited, can't say I am right this second but we both know everything is going to be ok! We've got a great system of support so that makes this pregnancy a lot different then the others.
I told him last night, I just don't want to go through what I did with my sons pregnancy. We argued and argued for months, almost ended up divorced, etc. I just don't want to go through months of hell with him again. He understood that, and we've reached common ground over it!!
Thank you for the support!! I'm so glad to have you ladies this time around again

 

[charlie_lael]

This pregnancy is unplanned for us as well. Neither of us were very excited(I'm still finding it hard to get excited), but what made me mad was that my hubby blamed me at first and wouldn't even talk about the subject for a week or so! He talks about it now and he sounds more optimistic about it. It's such a big shock and just takes some time.

Hi! Noticed we are at exactly the same stage! Fancy buddying up?


To OP: No advice but just wanted to say congratulations and I hope he comes around! Not nice when its one sided xx

Hi, buddy!

 

[kneeswrites]

I was in a similar situation. Totally unexpected pregnancy this time, and my husband was NOT happy. He blamed me and was really quite livid, but we yelled it out at each other and it was better after that haha. Now that he's had plenty of time to process it, he's fine, if anything he's more okay with it than I even am! I still have fears about taking care of two small kids, but he seems optimistic. So just give him time.