Teenagers and bedtimes/media rules

[scoobydrlp]

SD turned 17 today, and I'm considering changing our rules for her. Right now she has to put her phone and Kindle away (downstairs, out of her bedroom) at 10pm and be in bed at 10:30 with TV off. These rules existed because 1) we didn't want her to be up on her phone all night 2) she was horrible about getting up in the morning. We moved a few months ago and her school start time is much later now, and she has no trouble waking up to get herself ready anymore.

What do you ladies do for your teens? I have considered doing away with those rules altogether to see what happens. If she is unable to get up in the morning from staying up too late then we could potentially go back to a set bedtime without phone available to her at night. My fear is that if we continue strict rules until she goes off to college then she will self destruct once she's on her own with complete freedom. What to do?

 

[seoj]

HAHA-- the self destruct part made me laugh

I totally understand-- with my SD we had to set VERY clear limits- for her own good... I've always told her she's like a balloon, we let the air out slowly or else she'll go psffffffft all over the place! hehe.

She is actually turning 17 this June- so crazy! But, right now, we do have a curfew for her- since she's driving and often out and about at friends houses etc... but we have been more "laxed" about her bedtime the older she's gotten- but she's also showed us that she deserves it by getting herself to bed at a reasonable time and still getting up and getting to school on time and keeping up with her studies etc... She's been very responsible. She does know though- that trust is earned. If her grades started to slip- or she kept waking up late etc... then we would be more strict with those rules for sure.

I would say until her sophmore year we made sure she went to bed on time- but she just kinda naturally started doing that on her own and eventually we didn't have to hound her over it. lol. She has no TV in her room though- and knows she cannot be on her phone late... and generally speaking she does great.

I think you know your SD best- and maybe just do baby steps and see what happens, she might surprise you

 

[scoobydrlp]

Thanks seoj, we decided to extend things an extra hour and see how it goes. If all goes well we'll consider ditching both rules and see what happens.

 

[River54]

My dd is 17, and will be 18 soon - eek!
She doesn't have rules in place anymore for bedtime, or computer/phone use etc. We figured she'd need to figure out how to work it out anyways once off to college, so better to start doing it at home.
She quite likes the responsibility. For her, it works out mostly ok. She has had issues - but she works them out herself, and is responsible for it.
Really, I am looking at her being totally on her own in another 5-6 months, so, the more responsibility she has now, the better she can learn/make mistakes while at home/etc.
We found that gradually relaxing the rules, and just adding guidance in, helped her.

 

[suzib76]

My daughter is only 12 (13 in May) and we are already at the stage where the rules of bedtime have gone. She generally takes herself off to bed around 10/10.30 on weeknights and weekends she will be up later but in her room normally as we are not cool enough to hang out with

She is allowed her phone at bedtime, she sets her own alarm for morning etc as well

Usually she is asleep within half an hour of going to bed

 

[Noodlebear]

When I was 17 my mum was fairly chilled out about everything. Aslong as I respected them and the house I was allowed to do what I wanted for the most part and just let her know what my plans were. Personally, I think a bed time for a 16/17 year old is a little much.

 

[Noo]

At 17 I worked till 10.30pm 3 days a week and went to bed when I wanted to. By then I was earning my own money and contributing towards the house and moved out before 18. I'm not sure if this is a UK v US divide but by 17 most of my friends came and went as they pleased and were pretty much considered adults. I think our bedtime rules tended to be ditched around 12-13 yrs old and gave us time to learn to be responsible.

 

[MummyMana]

I've got to agree, I can't even imagine a 17 year old having a bedtime...

 

[scoobydrlp]

I agree, it does seem crazy. I didn't have a bedtime when I was a teenager either, but I was also responsible enough to get myself up and to school on time every day. In the past this has been a major issue which is why we have kept up with it for this long.

I'm happy to say since we extended things to 11:30 everything has gone fine, so I think after a short time we will do away with it altogether.