Telling the Parents

[SarahxLynn]

Okay, so we've been TTC for 2 months now, and I got my AF yesterday. Originally we were kind of keeping the whole TTC on the down low, but I don't like not talking to my Mom about it. I'm the type of person who likes to talk, and I know my Mom would be a lot more interested in the woman side of TTC than my husband is.

My older brother already has 2 kids and another on the way, so my parents aren't going to be 'new' grandparents, but I'm their only girl. My mom and dad haven't pushed us at all for TTC, but they have made it known that when we decide that it is time, they will be excited.

His parents are step-grandparents, but that relationship is new and strained. That's a whole different story, though, and not important. (Focus on the positive ) I know they will be excited about us trying, but not too invasive. That's not an issue at all.

Okay, with that backstory, that leads me to my question. I'm not a very confident person, so I wanted input on if my idea sounded okay or not.

With Mother's day coming up, I think it would be cute to do a pre-announcement of sorts. I was thinking that I could put a message in a card with a cute Rhyme about us TTC. I know I would have to be really careful with the wording in order to explain that I'm not pregnant, but that we are trying.

Am I just being way to over the top?

 

[HopefullyOpto]

Hi Sarah,

It is a very personal relationship between a mother and daughter and some are not so close whilst others are, so in that respect its hard for us to tell you whether or not you should do it as we cannot gage the type of relationship you both have. If your close then i dont see a reason why you shouldnt speak to her about it. If she is the one who you confide in then why not. The reason i have chose to tell no one is it may be a while before i actually get pregnant and having to tell people month on month that nothing has happened makes the whole ttc process just that much harder plus i want the excitement of telling those that had no idea. but thats me not you and if you feel like you want to share that with her then go ahead.
What i would say though is to avoid confusion maybe not in a card maybe just ask to speak to her. But if you can better commnicate in a card then go right ahead.

Good luck with ttc, i hope it's a nice short journey for you

 

[Uhlease]

I agree with hopefullyopto! I'm in the boat of not saying anything, but my mom and I don't have that type of relationship. I am just excited to tell them once it happens. But if you want something short and sweet for a card maybe like this: "Here's something you won't believe...me and *DH* are trying to conceive!" Happy Mother's Day! lol. I dunno, it's all up to you. Even if I were to tell my mom, I would probably just bring it up in conversation. GL to you!!!

 

[KatO79]

I agree with everyone else. I did the huge mistake of telling almost everyone we were TTCing and now 1 year and 7 months later and still no pregnancy and the in-laws don't understand the problem (they don't get it taking longer than 3-6 months) plus my narcissistic family have been totally unsupportive. My MIL has almost constantly given me the "just relax and it'll happen" mantra, my narcissistic mother the same plus been unsupportive, much more so than MIL. Friends haven't been much more understanding either and either have come with insensitive comments ("Why don't you adopt?" "Try taking a vacation" "Try thinking positive!" ect.) or been avoiding us since they've had an easy time getting pregnant. So in short: it has been an absolute nightmare!

So yeah, think it over very carefully because if you don't want the constant questions every month on if you're pregnant or not and the "sage" advice people have, then don't tell anyone about you TTCing until you're pregnant.

 

[HopefullyOpto]

Hi Kat sorry to hear about your struggles, i have read your signature regarding meds but forgive my ignorance i dont actually understand it. Have you been definitively diagnosed with a problem that is effecting your fertility or is it an unknown?

 

[KatO79]

Hi Kat sorry to hear about your struggles, i have read your signature regarding meds but forgive my ignorance i dont actually understand it. Have you been definitively diagnosed with a problem that is effecting your fertility or is it an unknown?

Thank you HopefullyOpto DH and I have unexplained infertility. We tried for 12 months before getting a referral to the fertility clinic and they decided I should do injectables (Puregon is a FSH injectable) since there's a higher success rate. I just turned 36 yesterday so don't know if it's also because of my age.

 

[CWB86]

I personally wouldn't put anything in a card/like an announcement- potentially it could take months- I wouldn't want to be asked if it's worked every time I saw them
Discussing it with your mum in conversation is different

 

[HopefullyOpto]

Hi Kat, thanks for filling me in. Just wanted to give you a little bit of encouragement, my friend who is also 36 just gave birth to a beautiful baby boy a couple of months ago and she had issues with fertility. You will get there
I don't have regular cycles, I'm cd46 and still haven't ovulated, have an appointment in a little under 2 weeks as i have pcos and need further investigation. If you want to chat feel free to message me

 

[KatO79]

Hi Kat, thanks for filling me in. Just wanted to give you a little bit of encouragement, my friend who is also 36 just gave birth to a beautiful baby boy a couple of months ago and she had issues with fertility. You will get there
I don't have regular cycles, I'm cd46 and still haven't ovulated, have an appointment in a little under 2 weeks as i have pcos and need further investigation. If you want to chat feel free to message me

Thanks HopefullyOpto

Sure, we can chat

 

[SarahxLynn]

Thank you guys for the advice. I've decided not to say anything to the in-laws, but I'm planning on talking to my parents this weekend. My DH and I discussed it, and he understands that my relationship with my parents is a lot different than the relationship he has with his. In an effort to be fair, I was originally going to tell both sets of parents. The problem is that his Mom has this tendency to get jealous of the fact that I tell my mother things but he doesn't really tell her things. I am grateful to know, though, that both my parents and in-laws are not invasive.

Thank you for your replies!