Telling toddler new baby's name before they're born? (Update post #9)

[MoonLove]

We didn't tell anyone my daughter's name until when she was born, told relatives once they were at the hospital.

My daughter is three now and understands and often talks about 'baby boy' in my tummy. I don't think she can quite grasp the very concept, she's aware of what babies are and she knows boys are the ones she goes to nursery with.

We want to encourage her to understand that 'baby boy' is going to be here soon, that he's not going to be in my tummy forever, and we thought telling her his name might help her to realise, when he is born, that he's the same baby as the one she spoke about in my tummy.

She totally understands names, always comes home talking of new people at nursery. The issue with telling her baby's name is that she will not know to keep it secret, and it'll inevitably come out.

So we're debating telling her, around Christmas time. The very idea of saying her little brothers name makes me so teary and happy. I want baby to come along and when LO comes to first meet him, we can explain that this is baby who she knows by name.

I feel if we tell her, we'll have to tell other family members and I find it a little strange to imagine them calling him by name in my tummy. I've thought of passing it off as another child from nursery if she does mention the name in front of anyone, but I know it won't work because she'll be pointing at my tummy

Do you think it's a good idea? We want to involve her fully and I don't want to be secretive from her just for the sake of it being a surprise to everyone else!

Edited: I was four when my sister was born and I remember my patents dilemma of two names for her whilst she was still in my mom's tummy. I know LO won't remember this time I'm pregnant, but I remember a time when my mom's tummy had a name and it was much easier to make the connection with the baby when she came out.

 

[Gingerspice]

We have asked dd to choose the name. We're probably going to go with it tbh. However it resulted in dd telling FIL the name and he openly stated he disliked it and wasn't a name for 'our surname '.

I think he genuinelay doesn't know we are planning on using it as we haven't said it will be used, just kept it as a 'that's the name dd would like to be used' so I think he was not looking to be rude or felt he was actually judging our choice of a name we're actually intending on using. Tough if he really doesn't like it though and we do use it!

 

[MrsPear]

Know just what you mean about it being weird people using the name before birth. I know a lot of people don't feel that way, but I do too! Last time I told my mum Joni's name, but I was really awkward whenever she used it, like she wasn't supposed to until they actually met or something?! Not sure why I feel like that, but I get what you mean. This time we didn't tell anyone.

We told our daughter though. She says it ALL the time but tends to be quieter anyway around relatives so surprisingly hasn't given the game away. My OH on the other hand was chatting merrily away on the phone to my mum about "Doug" the other day haha, I was just staring at him in disbelief before he realised. We just decided if she told family then that's that, they know. We just thought it was worth the risk just to help her be part of the whole thing. As for nursery, the teachers have asked me if we have a name and I said no, so who knows if she's told them or not, I'm not really bothered either way because I assume they won't mention, they hardly even mention the important stuff so it seems unlikely!

She did say it in front of one of my friends but that is a friend who has seen her a lot and probably the only person who she has acts absolutely the same with as around us. Since it's a good friend anyway, I just told her because I thought it's going to be awkward if we're both listening to her saying the name and I'm sat here pretending like I have no clue what she means then announce the same name in a few weeks time!

I love it when she says his name. We went to the swings yesterday and she said, "When Dougie's born, I have to take turns" which made me smile. x

PS We told our families that she knows the name, so either ignore and never let on, or just let us know that you know! x

 

[Cat Louise]

We've decided on our baby girl's name told our 3year old, only because she randomly started calling my bump a totally different name that we didn't like, which I didn't want her to get use to!

 

[kirsty15032]

We are keeping our baby boys name secret but did tell my then 2 year old (she has just turned 3) she understands that she needs to not tell anyone she has let it slip to mine and oh parents but if anyone asks she shouts we are not telling anyone! I think it's a small price to pay she is so much more excited she calls him by his name when we are home which she didn't before l. At 3 they understand more than you realise

 

[amyleigh89]

We gave DD a list of 5 names and for a month straight she picked out the same name. That's what we went with. She's always known him by this name.she talks to my tummy and tells him stories. I think it's lovely x

 

[madseasons]

We were going to keep our DD name a secret until birth, but we figured that it would be easier for my DS to identify with her if she is named before as you have said....so we told everyone. Of course a lot of people don't like the name including my MIL who was blunt about it, but I was blunt back and told her I don't give a "f" !! Don't get me wrong we love each other, but we can be straight with each other.

To this day, almost 2 more months to go, she won't say her name. I don't think she remember's it half the time (Freya is NOT common here in the states).

DS is SO protective about his baby sister already and has to tell everyone he meet that he is having a baby sister I think he actually bonded better with her once she had a name....and he says it better than anyone (makes me SWOON!)

Dee

 

[QuintinsMommy]

We told our almost 5 year old the name but he never really uses it, just calls her "our baby"

 

[MoonLove]

I had a scan last Weds, it confirmed baby is a little boy, so we went ahead and told my daughter his name.

It took until Sunday until she told Grandma & Grandad

She was telling them a story i had told her the previous day, about his new car seat going in the back of the car next to hers. She said his name about ten times, it was adorable

Grandma & Grandad didn't say anything at the time, but we decided to tell them later, i figured we'd avoid the awkwardness of my daughter keep mentioning it and them pretending not to hear it, and i think it'll be really great if they know it too and say it back to her when talking about him.

I knew it wouldn't take long

 

[madseasons]

Congrats! My DS is excited as well and has me marking off days on his calendar until my surgery!

You DD is going to be SUCH a good big sister

Dee

 

[lisaalove]

My ds is 4 and we have told him the name (like you we aren't too keen on anyone else knowing) but he prefers to call him little brother or baby he doesn't either like the name or care to remember it. (I think because he's associates names with faces not a belly)

 

[NellyLou]

That is cute. While we haven't told anyone else, we have told our dd (3 in a month) that his name will be Theodore, and have used the name plenty of times in front of her. She has decided that's not his name and calls him Jack. She also tells everyone his name is Jack, so at least she's not spilling the beans on his real name, but we will see what happens when he's here and he's not named Jack! It may end up being a nickname lol.

 

[Geo2]

i feel really embarrassed telling names before birth. ppl always have opinions blah blah blah my dd came up with a lovely name and i think i'll go with it, previously had 2 other names which i still like, but dont think they go so nicely with surname compared to the one dd came up with, its a mystery as we know no one with this name, and there's a boys variation which is equally lovely. I havent discussed it openly with her or anyone else as might change my mind when baby is born!

 

[SarahBear]

My daughter is three now and understands and often talks about 'baby boy' in my tummy. I don't think she can quite grasp the very concept, she's aware of what babies are and she knows boys are the ones she goes to nursery with.

I bet she can grasp the concept. I'm pretty sure my 2 year old grasps it (except for the boy versus girl part). We haven't settled on a name because we won't know until the birth if the baby is a boy or a girl. I have, however, mentioned the possible names to her and will probably talk about them again as the time gets closer. In the meantime, she just calls the baby "mommy's baby." As for making the connection of the baby talked about pre-birth to the baby itself after the birth, Violet has watched birthing videos, which I think helps in terms of her understanding of what's going on. I also plan to have her present at the birth. I haven't shown her any birthing videos in a while, but she really liked watching them. I am careful about which ones I show her and I also skip through the slow parts. I think I'll start showing them to her again when I'm within a month of my due date.

It looks like you've settled on what to do about the name thing. I think that if you're going to decide on a name ahead of time, it's great to let older siblings know the name. As for family members, I can understand the dilemma as I don't want to mention names to family until the birth. I don't think Violet quite got it when I talked about our name ideas. She also can't pronounce the names, haha, so that helps! I bet if we just had one name though and told her the name, she'd get it.

 

[londonangel]

We told our three-year-old and told her not to tell. She kept it quiet for ages then decided to tell my parents on Thurs what the baby is and what it's name will be. Oh well. Still think we were right to tell her though esp as when first told her the name she had a massive tantrum as she wanted to call it something else but now she understands that is its name and she talks to it with its name and everything!

 

[MoonLove]

My daughter is three now and understands and often talks about 'baby boy' in my tummy. I don't think she can quite grasp the very concept, she's aware of what babies are and she knows boys are the ones she goes to nursery with.

I bet she can grasp the concept. I'm pretty sure my 2 year old grasps it (except for the boy versus girl part). We haven't settled on a name because we won't know until the birth if the baby is a boy or a girl. I have, however, mentioned the possible names to her and will probably talk about them again as the time gets closer. In the meantime, she just calls the baby "mommy's baby." As for making the connection of the baby talked about pre-birth to the baby itself after the birth, Violet has watched birthing videos, which I think helps in terms of her understanding of what's going on. I also plan to have her present at the birth. I haven't shown her any birthing videos in a while, but she really liked watching them. I am careful about which ones I show her and I also skip through the slow parts. I think I'll start showing them to her again when I'm within a month of my due date.

It looks like you've settled on what to do about the name thing. I think that if you're going to decide on a name ahead of time, it's great to let older siblings know the name. As for family members, I can understand the dilemma as I don't want to mention names to family until the birth. I don't think Violet quite got it when I talked about our name ideas. She also can't pronounce the names, haha, so that helps! I bet if we just had one name though and told her the name, she'd get it.

I have definitely realised in this last month that she has started to understand much more about baby than i think she intially did. She talks about not needing to put the pram in the car yet because he's still in my tummy. I pretend to put my Teddy Bear to sleep in baby's cot and she says 'no! it's not for you Ted, it's for baby!'.

I have told her that me and Daddy will have to go to hospital soon and that i have to squeeze baby out so he will come out of my tummy. She said 'like squeeze the poo' I explained that he needs to come out soon and THEN we can put the pram in the car.


We have told our families his name, and i can honestly say that no-one likes it I mean, of course they all said 'ahh that's nice' but it's so obvious they're not fans. No-one has referenced it since telling them a fornight ago, i think if anything it made them feel awkward Like they're not sure whether we want them to be calling him by name already.

I am not as fussed as i thought i'd be. Honestly, he's just going to be born, he'll have his name and then for the rest of all our lives, that'll just be his name It almost seems such a big deal to name a child, but within a month of him being born, everyone will be used to calling him by name and what will it matter if they didn't intially like it

 

[Rhio92]

We've told my 4 year old the name, and thought he was guaranteed to tell people (we're keeping the name a surprise). But, despite knowing the name, he refers to the baby as 'the baby in mummy's belly' or 'my baby sister'.

 

[Button#]

We've told DS the name but we also don't mind telling anyone who asks. I'm not fussed what others think of the name. I'm so glad we told DS though as he sounds so cute when he says it! He found some babygros I bought the other day and told me he'd found new pyjamas and when I asked him who they were for he said baby Cordelia, so he definitely has some understanding of what's going on.