Sunshine.
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In October 2009 we lost our beautiful Son Harry when he was two days old, due to a condition called Fetal Hydrops and Tachycardia 
My pregnancy with Harry went smoothly. It was only when I was 35 weeks pregnant that Harry was diagnosed and delivered by an Emergency Caesarean Section at 36.2 weeks.
Despite the Doctors efforts, Harry passed away in my arms aged two days. Our perfect baby boy.
Under a year later I was back in Hospital to have Harry's baby Sister, Our Rainbow baby
My OH and I arrived at the Hospital at 7.30am on Monday the 18th of October, 3 days before Harry's 1st Birthday on the 21st of October.
I was given a room to wait in until they were ready for me in the theatre.
I was told by the Midwife I was fourth in the list that day
My anxiety levels were through the roof at this point, I was pacing the room, unable to relax.
I asked the Midwife if possible could I be given a little notice before I was taken down to the theatre, as I felt I needed a little time to gather my thoughts and calm myself as much as possible.
The Midwife said this would be fine and she would be sure to let me know in advance.
I was getting an outfit ready for our baby girl and changing into my gown ready for the operation.
My OH said he needed a number two
and joked that when he was on the toilet they would be ready for me in theatre.
Well... he was right
The Midwife appeared with no notice (As promised) and said "They are ready for you!" I said "They are ready for me?!" In total disbelief! she said yes and asked me to gather my belongings.
I was physically shaking when walking to the theatre, I felt as though as I was going to collapse.
I arrived at the theatre and a wave of emotions washed over me, the last time I was in theatre, was when our Son was born. I burst into tears, and the Anesthetist tried to reassure me, but I was inconsolable.
I walked into theatre and felt terrified, I felt so so scared.
My OH was asked to wait outside the theatre whilst I had the epidural. When the Anesthetist was giving me the epidural, I was physically shaking, I felt terrified.
I kept asking wether my OH could come back into the room, and the staff were trying their best to reassure me.
The Surgeon came and greeted me, he was such a pleasant man.
The Anesthetist then took my blood pressure and noted that it had dropped dramatically, I felt physically sick and shaken. I was given fluids to improve my blood pressure, before the operation could begin.
My OH finally arrived after what felt like a lifetime. The relief I felt when I saw him was overwhelming.
I couldn't stop thinking about Harry, and how much I wished he could be with us to meet his baby Sister. I just wanted him to know he will always be our precious first born Son.
As the operation began, I felt so sick, as my blood pressure had dropped again. I felt as though I was going to pass out!
The Surgeon was talking to me throughout the opearation, he told me I had alot of scar tissue both internally and externally. And he was finding it difficult to get through to my uterus.
I felt terrified, I just kept thinking what if I lose my baby again, I can't do it again.
I kept asking the Anesthetist questions, and he was trying his best to reassure me.
The Surgeon was updating us on what was happening too.
I kept asking "Is she ok?!" I must have asked a few times per minute!
I later asked "How long until she is here?" The Anethetist answered "Two or three minutes and she will be here, she is doing fine, it is going well".
Two or three minutes passed and my baby wasn't here! I was getting so anxious, my blood pressure was dropping again and I began to shake frantically, I felt freezing!
The Surgeon again told me that it was difficult to get through to my uterus, due to my scar tissue.
I was asking again and again "Is she ok?!" - "How long until she is here?!"
The Surgeon told me he was now through to my uterus, I couldnt believe I would be meeting my baby in moments!
Things went in quite a blur, I felt the tugging and pulling as our beautiful baby girl entered the world. They lifted her up and showed her us, I couldn't believe it, she was so perfect
They took our baby over to be checked. I kept asking my OH "Is she ok?!" - "What are they doing?"
My OH said "They are bringing her over now!" I couldn't believe I was about to hold my baby.
Phoebe Harriet was placed in my arms and I felt such a rush of overwhelming love. She looked just liked her big Brother Harry.
She was frowning, the same as Harry did when he was born
Phoebe Harriet arrived at 12.18pm and weighed 7lbs 7oz.
We had waited for Phoebe to arrive for so long and now she was finally here.
I felt such a mixture of emotions, happiness that our Rainbow baby had arrived safely, but also an overwhelming sense of sadness that our baby boy Harry was not here to meet his Sister.
The past 12 days have been such a rollercoaster. Many highs and lows. Pregnancy after the loss of our Son was so difficult but I made it through with the help of my BnB Angel Mummy Friends and of course our Guardian Angel Harry.
Each day I thank Harry for keeping his baby Sister Phoebe safe, I know a part of Harry will live on forever through Phoebe.
We wanted to honour Harry so gave Phoebe the middle name Harriet.
Thank you Harry, we are so proud of you, We talk about you everyday to Phoebe. I miss you so much beautiful.
Thank you for reading, if you have made it this far
x x
My pregnancy with Harry went smoothly. It was only when I was 35 weeks pregnant that Harry was diagnosed and delivered by an Emergency Caesarean Section at 36.2 weeks.
Despite the Doctors efforts, Harry passed away in my arms aged two days. Our perfect baby boy.
Under a year later I was back in Hospital to have Harry's baby Sister, Our Rainbow baby
My OH and I arrived at the Hospital at 7.30am on Monday the 18th of October, 3 days before Harry's 1st Birthday on the 21st of October.
I was given a room to wait in until they were ready for me in the theatre.
I was told by the Midwife I was fourth in the list that day
My anxiety levels were through the roof at this point, I was pacing the room, unable to relax.
I asked the Midwife if possible could I be given a little notice before I was taken down to the theatre, as I felt I needed a little time to gather my thoughts and calm myself as much as possible.
The Midwife said this would be fine and she would be sure to let me know in advance.
I was getting an outfit ready for our baby girl and changing into my gown ready for the operation.
My OH said he needed a number two
and joked that when he was on the toilet they would be ready for me in theatre.Well... he was right
The Midwife appeared with no notice (As promised) and said "They are ready for you!" I said "They are ready for me?!" In total disbelief! she said yes and asked me to gather my belongings.I was physically shaking when walking to the theatre, I felt as though as I was going to collapse.
I arrived at the theatre and a wave of emotions washed over me, the last time I was in theatre, was when our Son was born. I burst into tears, and the Anesthetist tried to reassure me, but I was inconsolable.
I walked into theatre and felt terrified, I felt so so scared.
My OH was asked to wait outside the theatre whilst I had the epidural. When the Anesthetist was giving me the epidural, I was physically shaking, I felt terrified.
I kept asking wether my OH could come back into the room, and the staff were trying their best to reassure me.
The Surgeon came and greeted me, he was such a pleasant man.
The Anesthetist then took my blood pressure and noted that it had dropped dramatically, I felt physically sick and shaken. I was given fluids to improve my blood pressure, before the operation could begin.
My OH finally arrived after what felt like a lifetime. The relief I felt when I saw him was overwhelming.
I couldn't stop thinking about Harry, and how much I wished he could be with us to meet his baby Sister. I just wanted him to know he will always be our precious first born Son.
As the operation began, I felt so sick, as my blood pressure had dropped again. I felt as though I was going to pass out!
The Surgeon was talking to me throughout the opearation, he told me I had alot of scar tissue both internally and externally. And he was finding it difficult to get through to my uterus.
I felt terrified, I just kept thinking what if I lose my baby again, I can't do it again.
I kept asking the Anesthetist questions, and he was trying his best to reassure me.
The Surgeon was updating us on what was happening too.
I kept asking "Is she ok?!" I must have asked a few times per minute!
I later asked "How long until she is here?" The Anethetist answered "Two or three minutes and she will be here, she is doing fine, it is going well".
Two or three minutes passed and my baby wasn't here! I was getting so anxious, my blood pressure was dropping again and I began to shake frantically, I felt freezing!
The Surgeon again told me that it was difficult to get through to my uterus, due to my scar tissue.
I was asking again and again "Is she ok?!" - "How long until she is here?!"
The Surgeon told me he was now through to my uterus, I couldnt believe I would be meeting my baby in moments!
Things went in quite a blur, I felt the tugging and pulling as our beautiful baby girl entered the world. They lifted her up and showed her us, I couldn't believe it, she was so perfect
They took our baby over to be checked. I kept asking my OH "Is she ok?!" - "What are they doing?"
My OH said "They are bringing her over now!" I couldn't believe I was about to hold my baby.
Phoebe Harriet was placed in my arms and I felt such a rush of overwhelming love. She looked just liked her big Brother Harry.
She was frowning, the same as Harry did when he was born
Phoebe Harriet arrived at 12.18pm and weighed 7lbs 7oz.
We had waited for Phoebe to arrive for so long and now she was finally here.
I felt such a mixture of emotions, happiness that our Rainbow baby had arrived safely, but also an overwhelming sense of sadness that our baby boy Harry was not here to meet his Sister.
The past 12 days have been such a rollercoaster. Many highs and lows. Pregnancy after the loss of our Son was so difficult but I made it through with the help of my BnB Angel Mummy Friends and of course our Guardian Angel Harry.
Each day I thank Harry for keeping his baby Sister Phoebe safe, I know a part of Harry will live on forever through Phoebe.
We wanted to honour Harry so gave Phoebe the middle name Harriet.
Thank you Harry, we are so proud of you, We talk about you everyday to Phoebe. I miss you so much beautiful.
Thank you for reading, if you have made it this far
x x
xx
I'm missing him already!! x
