the F word

[mrso]

SO ....

I stay at home with my son who is almost 3 and I also babysit my neice who is 2 weeks older then he. My neice came over last week and started saying the F word. I explained very sternly that kind of language was not acceptable and the F word is a very nasty word... She has continued to say it and has now taught my son this fabulous word. I asked my Sister-in-law what she wants me to do about the problem. She said she just ignores it hoping she will forget. I feel like ignoring it validates that it is acceptable to say. Today I sent her to time-out but she keeps on saying it.

How would you address the problem?

 

[Aussie Jen]

I truly think that it may be difficult for some small children to understand that a particular word is an unacceptable word. And, for all the world, it can sometimes make it worse if you focus on it!

Young children of this age are still experimenting with language. Think of it as being just another word - like apple or beach ball!!

I'm not saying I condone it, by any means. Just maybe if you focus on it less, you may find it disappears before long.

Our 2 year old starting saying it. We just ignored it. Turns out she was actually trying to say "flick" as we worked out she would say it every time she played with her fairy wand.

Go easy on yourself. And the kids. Might be a more happening thing. Good luck!

 

[o0oCharlieo0o]

i really dont know the best way to address it tbh, my son has started saying 'f**king hell' i duno where he got it from (i know iv slipped up on language a couple of times) and iv tried telling him no but he says it again straight after i say no to him, so iv tried to ignore it and he hasnt said it for a few days so im keeping my fingers crossed that hes forgot about that lol id be so mortified if he said it outside or to the HV or something!!

 

[sabby52]

My son is nearly 3 and he went through a stage were he would say the f*** word alot, each time he said it i wouldn't look at him or talk to him and it did seem to work, (fingers crossed)
so i would try ingoring her for a while and see what happens.

Thats the only advice i have hun but like i said it did work for me. xx

 

[mandy81]

My son is nearly 3 and he went through a stage were he would say the f*** word alot, each time he said it i wouldn't look at him or talk to him and it did seem to work, (fingers crossed)
so i would try ingoring her for a while and see what happens.

Thats the only advice i have hun but like i said it did work for me. xx

Sorry that was from me, my sister was up last night and she was on my computer and didn't log out, I didn't even think to look sorry. xx

 

[mrso]

Tried ignoring it and she keeps on saying it. She also says damit all the time. SHe knows when she says it and she knows that it is naughty. As soon as she says a curse word she covers her mouth and wont talk.

We have only talked about those being nasty words that really nasty people say. Last time she said F**K we talked about it AGAIN and I sent her to the wall for a time out. I was very calm but she knew I was serious.

 

[Chel]

I personally just wouldn't bring any attention to the word... she's 3, she doesn't understand, and she's probably just heard it used in conversation by adults.

I personally think its awful when a child that young is punished for swearing - as she would ONLY be saying it because she's heard it, and children only repeat words because thats what they're programmed to do! Its the same as saying table, chair, horsie - particularly if mummy and daddy say it. So even if you've explained it to her, she probably still doesn't get what it means to say it.

I think that your son, provided he's not hearing it daily (which I'm sure he's not, if he's only just learn it) will forget the word, particularly if no attention is paid to him saying it... it will just slip out of his vocab... and I also think that punishing her in time out for saying it.... when her mother is choosing to ignore it, could be detrimental to her mothers approach.... isn't the right thing to do. Its not your place to do that... and I think her mum has the right approach, so your undermining your sister in laws parenting... if it was in reverse, if she was undermining you with your son, you'd be rightfully furious, right?

I'm being a bit controversial, and I normal give fairly ambivilent advice, but I have a strong opinion on this one... I'm sorry... but still.... dont listen to me if you dont want to... its just what I think.

 

[oOKayOo]

Carly has said that word once ( becasue i stubbed my toe and she overhead) and i turned around and said ' dont you ever say that again, thats a very naughty word and mummy is naughty for saying it'

She didnt say it again , although i have swapped swear words for blimin hell and flippin heck and she says this sometimes when she is angry But the easiest thing would be to sternly say that its not a nice word and you should use it.

 

[mrso]

I personally just wouldn't bring any attention to the word... she's 3, she doesn't understand, and she's probably just heard it used in conversation by adults.

I personally think its awful when a child that young is punished for swearing - as she would ONLY be saying it because she's heard it, and children only repeat words because thats what they're programmed to do! Its the same as saying table, chair, horsie - particularly if mummy and daddy say it. So even if you've explained it to her, she probably still doesn't get what it means to say it.

I think that your son, provided he's not hearing it daily (which I'm sure he's not, if he's only just learn it) will forget the word, particularly if no attention is paid to him saying it... it will just slip out of his vocab... and I also think that punishing her in time out for saying it.... when her mother is choosing to ignore it, could be detrimental to her mothers approach.... isn't the right thing to do. Its not your place to do that... and I think her mum has the right approach, so your undermining your sister in laws parenting... if it was in reverse, if she was undermining you with your son, you'd be rightfully furious, right?

I'm being a bit controversial, and I normal give fairly ambivilent advice, but I have a strong opinion on this one... I'm sorry... but still.... dont listen to me if you dont want to... its just what I think.

My Neice has heard this word from her mother. I explained to my neice that we do not use that word at my house (or any other nasty word) and then I talked with her mother about it. I asked her how she wanted me to approach this situation and her EXACT words were... "do whatever you want. I have been ignoring it but the problem is getting worse. Maybe putting soap in her mouth is a good way to cure it."

Well I did not feel as if this was an appropriate was to handle the situation. I asked her if we could just do time out and if the problem gets worse we will talk about then. I am pretty understanding of the fact that children are sponges and really have no filter of what they say or do. I am not an idiot.

As far as your reply goes you have a lot of nerve. I was so excited to find this forum and I have found it very helpful thus far. I was asking for advice not for somebody to cut me down in my efforts. I am an excellent parent and aunt... I dont have to convince anybody of that. When I post a thread I try to give the gist of the story so that I dont write a novel. So maybe you should have asked a few more questions before accussing me about undermining my sister-in-law. I have much more respect for her and my neice than that

 

[polochickadee]

Actually as a child soap stopped me and my sister who is 9 years younger from saying "naughty" words! That was my dads doing! My mom would take hot sauce and mix it with some other things to make a awful flavor and use that because she didnt want to use soap(she figured if it was just food items it wasnt harmful)! Might be a good way to do it for you! Ignoring works very well to! either way it needs to be the same in your house and hers or nothing will change!

 

[MoonMuffin]

Just say something along the lines of: "we don't use that word, its not nice". Then ignore it! The reason they say bad word is because it gets a reaction out of adults (laughing, or anger, or whatever it may be), if you just ignore it, then there is no reason for them to use it. If they continue to use it, then its time for a time out, or whatever you use as discipline.

 

[mrso]

Yes we are definately on the same page. I always talk with my SIL prior to diciplining my neice, as I feel the same... It is her daughter. Not mine. I will do whatever she wants me to do within reason.

Thank you all for your POSITIVE responses. I appreciate it. JUst wanted to add nobody is perfect, that is why we come on this forum... To ask advice and seek help. For those of you who want to be negative and rather cruel: keep your negativity out of my threads please.

 

[nikky0907]

I've actually encountered a rather interesting approach to it : a woman made her daughter bite into a slice of lemon when she's say a swear word. It was very effective.
I don't swear (often ) and if I happen to slip and she starts repeating it I'll try and and see how this works.

 

[oOKayOo]

I've actually encountered a rather interesting approach to it : a woman made her daughter bite into a slice of lemon when she's say a swear word. It was very effective.
I don't swear (often ) and if I happen to slip and she starts repeating it I'll try and and see how this works.

That seems like a great idea!

 

[mrso]

I've actually encountered a rather interesting approach to it : a woman made her daughter bite into a slice of lemon when she's say a swear word. It was very effective.
I don't swear (often ) and if I happen to slip and she starts repeating it I'll try and and see how this works.

So far so good today... But not a bad idea. THanks so much