The Hurt the Pain the Sorrow

[Wishfull]

Its is so so unfair that men can act so cold an cruel after women have a miscarraige. Some sites say that men show there feelings differently. Like keep it to them selfs an dont talk about it. But it doesnt say that there are men out there who are just plain cruel.

My partner was there for me after the initial m/c. But then 2 days later he stoped cuddling me or anything. Nothing no contact nothing. As the days have gone on as its been 2 weeks tomo. He doesnt talk to me or ask me anything an shruggs off my affection. I asked him if because i lost the baby if it made him sad or that he doesnt want to be with me he just says " whatever".

I dont deserve to be treated in such a way iv done so much for him in the past couple of weeks but he has been horrible. When iv been crying he just tuts an huffs. He makes me feel bad for crying. When all i want was a cuddle. I had to go into the toilet to cry. An wait till he was out or i had to go to my mates to cry.

Men have no idea the mess our heads are in an the pain in our heart. Its so hard to breath sometimes. I keep dreaming that i have my son in my arms an that my partner is there smiling an holding his son. An thats all they are dreams for me. I so much wanted my baby. An i so much wish m/c were never a part of gods plan. I miss my baby an want my baby back in my belly so much.

I have split up with my partner as i cant take it anymore. I have been going through it all alone no family to help. His mother has been great though. An so i will continue to go it alone. Even though i still love him very much. But i cant take the way he has treated me.

Im am glad on this site that there are so many men who are there for your partners at this horrible time.

Its ok to cry an feel like your chest is tight. An its good to cry an let out the pain now an again. Or even on a bad days when we want to be in bed an cry. An its also great to smile.

I feel for every woman out there who doesnt have the support of there partner. We dont desever to be treated like poo. We need love an affection at this time.

Take care everyone.

xxxxxxx

 

[Barneyboo]

I am so very sorry for your loss sending you a great big x x x x x

 

[ClaireyF]

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss, time is a healer but thats no concelation at the moment, i know. if you want to chat at any time then pm me. i also miscarried back in July and i have never felt pain like that before xxxx

 

[Drazic<3]

Im so sorry for you loss. When i lost my little one i felt distroyed so if you need a friend please PM me. My OH never really said much. He cried at the time, still mentions it every now and again. I dont think they understand how much love and support we need and im sorry your not getting it. Thinking of you

 

[tillymum]

I'm so sorry both for your loss and for the fact that you are going through this on your own, I really feel for you right now and just want to give you a great big hug, .
You are not alone though we are here to help you through and if you ever want to cry or vent or just talk you've got friends here.

 

[colsy]

I am so sorry to hear what you've been through.

When I miscarried, I asked my partner why he wasn't as sad as I was. He told me he was sad, but that he accepted that "stuff" happens and that looking forward is better than looking back. He was there for me, but I actually got angry that he didn't cry or say how much he wanted his baby back. One night I bawled and bawled my eyes out for about half an hour (he'd just cooked dinner as well, so it got cold, which can't have made him very happy!), and eventually he came upstairs to see me, and he tried really hard to explain that of course he was sad but that because he was a bloke he biologically wouldn't have the same response as me, simply because he doesn't have oestrogen, progesterone and HCG running through his veins. He told me that he dearly wished our baby had grown up and been born a healthy, happy child, but that he couldn't ever feel what I had, simply because he hadn't felt the effects of the baby growing inside him.

I thought about all of this for some time, and in the end I decided that he is right. I am not saying men don't love their babies like women do ... just that those feelings are different.

So, maybe your partner just couldn't deal with your miscarriage. Maybe he didn't know what to say or do. Maybe right now he is also crying, but crying inside in a different way from you, and that really he just wants you to be with him.

Please, try to talk to him. Try to explain. But also give him the chance to talk and explain too.

I hope everything works out for you in the end.

 

[dizzy65]

 

[haaza123]

So sorry for your loss. Its the hardest thing in the world

 

[morayo]

so sorry for ur loss, especially over the fact that u were alone through it all, i m/c in oct as well and i cried my eyes out for days, my OH didnt kno whow to deal with it either and sorta distanced himself from me, which made me feel worse but later he came round and shared with me how he was feeling. its sad that ur oh wasnt part of ur pain, there is really no excuse he cld give u that would replace ur loss or the toime u have spent grieving biut the pain will lessen over time. try and be positive about ttc again and dnt let ur grief get u down. loads of hugs

 

[Waiting2bMommy]

So sorry for your loss

 

[JASMAK]

Men really do grieve differently, and also they are not as attatched to the baby as we are. Perhaps some feel more than other's depending on how much of the pregnancy experience they had (such as u/s, hearing heartbeat), but other's may feel sad that it is over, but not the sense of loss. When you were talking about your partner, without knowing the entire situation, I was wondering if perhaps he just doesn't know what to do. Maybe he feels that his hugs aren't helping because you are still crying? Not saying you shouldn't cry, but men like to "fix" things, and when they feel that they aren't, then maybe he has given up??? Perhaps if you tell him that even though you are still devestated, his hugs and cuddles mean more to you right now than ever before. Just an idea to toss around. Grief counselling can also be very helpful as they go over the different ways people grieve. I am sorry for your loss.

 

[morayo]

hang in there dear!

 

[cleckner04]

I wish I could help but I just wanted to say I hope it gets better for you.

 

[JLS]

i'm so sorry xx