Thinking about my MIL tonight.

[AnnaLaura]

Hello all,

My MIL passed away three years ago. Not long before, she was asking me about if I was EVER going to have a baby. We knew by then she would not see it even if I was pregnant at that moment. And I made the same old excuses, her son's not ready, he wants to wait a little more, I want to though, ask him about it, blah blah, etc. And she just shook her head and told me to not ask/consult with him, just DO it. And of course at the time I took it as a disruption attempt at my marriage. (Those weren't uncommon, anyway.) And I always thought that getting pregnant without his agreement was an underhanded thing to do.

Now I wonder if she was right.

 

[Indigo77]

I don't think so.
Honesty is important in a relationship.
My friend's GF did that to him.
It's not fair to my friend or his son.
It's a big, nasty mess, TBH.

They are no longer together.

 

[dachsundmom]

I am in total agreement with Indigo.

 

[sarahincanada]

I agree with indigo and dmom...getting pregnant without his agreement IS an underhanded thing to do. Im assuming he doesnt want children yet, or do you not discuss it? how old are you? its something that needs to be agreed upon together, as its both of your genes creating the child

 

[keekeesaurus]

Absolutely what these ladies have said. I was using a CBFM without my OH knowing and that on it's own opened a whole can of wiggly worms so I wouldn't dream of trying to get pg without him knowing. He know's that if it happens it happens. I know when I'm most fertile. So I guess he's NTNP and I'm TTC but we're both in agreement that the time is now. If he actually said he seriously didn't want children (apart from the one time he said it when he was tired and annoyed with me ) then I'd have to respect that. He's the most important person in my life.

 

[AnnaLaura]

Thank you all for answering.

Indigo and Dachsundmom, I agree too!

Sarahincanada, he says does want them and last year we stopped using birth control. I delayed having children as much as he did. But now that I decided I really did want to at least try, (I'm 42) he's still using the same old reasons why we should wait "a few more months".

Keekeesaurus, I told him yesterday that whenever my next cycle starts, I'll be charting seriously. I told him what that meant. I told him I ordered a bbt thermometer and OPK strips. And he just knows nothing about the biology behind any of it. I'm like you, if he would just come out and say he doesn't want children, I'd accept that. It's just still always "soon".

 

[Indigo77]

Email him these graphs....

https://i1086.photobucket.com/albums/j456/Indigo77/6d6e6b81.jpg

https://i1086.photobucket.com/albums/j456/Indigo77/b9a185ba.jpg

 

[AnnaLaura]

Indigo, thank you. I do have similar charts. I showed DH some statistics a few months ago and he told me to stop being so negative about it. And really, I don't know WHY I have these negative moments. There's no indication that it won't happen. I guess I'm worried because I am having a weird cycle this month and I've had several since we stopped birth control. And I never did before.

My doctor told me all's fine, go for it. He just waves away any concern I have over my age. But I still feel a little angry at myself that I didn't start this earlier.