Those of you with very young babies

[Lau88]

Just how difficult is it to let fob take lo without you? I've really had enough of my relationship but don't think I could stand him having her on his own. His family control himn act like shes there's even tho they never wanted her n tbh they aren't the sort of people I want her around. I wouldn't trust my oh or his family alone with her, they only want her when she's quiet or someone else has her. I do pretty much everything for her yet all I hear is well done oh, your a great dad oh, lo looks so much like oh, daddy's Los favourite etc from all he's lot. He pays f all for her even tho hes the one with an income, when she was born his gdad told me 'she's ours and don't u forget it'. They bullied us into going round day after we came out hospital even tho we both nearly died n were told they were gonna see her end of. She's got bronchitis atm n she's still excepted to see them so they can pass her around. They treat her like a toy n it drives me mad.

She's only 8 weeks and Im staying ATM purely coz I don't want her without me. My parents divorced when I was 5 n my mum said it wasthe hardest thing ever but I think it'd be so much harder with one so young. I don't want to miss out on literally a second of her.

 

[CrazyBird]

I don't find it hard at all to let LO spend the night with his daddy but that's because my ex is a very good daddy so I have no issues. But if he and his family were like what your describing then it would be hard but a child has the right to see there dad. If I didn't trust my ex with our baby then I would only let him spend time with LO when I'm around until I knew he was capable as I know there are a lot of men that are a bit useless and don't always put the child first.

 

[lily2011]

I have a 3 month old and there is no way I would leave her alone with FOB, and he is fine with that. I strongly believe that infants need their mother at this stage, now I realize it may be different if the FOB was around from the start or you were married or whatever, but this just isn't the case with us...he has never bathed her, or put her to bed, or calmed her down when shes cried so there is no way I trust he would know how to take care of her. I don't know if you're nursing or not but if you are, that's reason enough to stay near her. My LO will not take a bottle, he has tried many times. I say if your gut tells you not to leave them alone then don't do it. Just be very open and cooperative and say that he can see her whenever he wants but that you will be present. That is what I do, I'm hoping he doesn't push for more, but it's a scary situation for any mother.

 

[CrazyBird]

i agree with lily, only you know if he is capable of looking after her and giving her all the love and attention she needs.

My ex bathed lo more than me when we were together as he would come home from work and bath, feed and put him to bed. He already has 2 children and i have always seen how he was with them so i trust him with our baby.

You baby is still very young so do what you feel is best for your LO. A lot of dad's are better with babies as they get older.

 

[jaytee146]

Fob isn't in her life but upon us discussing my lo he said if she were his he'd want to keep her for a week. . . firstly i don't trust him second seriously! i use the fact that i'm Bfing as a reason but even after that there's no way he could have her. i don't trust him

 

[mum2b2012]

things are very rocky with me and my babys dad. im 37 weeks and the arguments have started. hes in the army and based in germany and is only going to see her for a few weeks before he goes to afghan for 7 months. on his 2 weeks r&r he wants to have her. by this point she will be 8 months old, he will have no experience, she wont know him and i dont like his family who all smoke loads in the house. he gets so mad that i have already said i want to be there with her as he thinks he will be fine and be able to know what to do. hes never even held a baby b4!!

its difficult coz i know i wont want to give her to him for that time but i also dont want to have the arguments. i may still be breastfeeding but hes already said there are bottles. i dont know what to do either. im trying to get our relationship back on track but i dont know how i can avoid this situation.

wait and see i suppose! good luck with everything!! its reassuring that im not the only one going thru this. its such a horrible situation, i hope everything works out ok. x

 

[Lau88]

Mum2b2012, thank you. It's a horrible situation isn't it, it's understandable you don't want her with him when she doesn't know him. Men just don't seem to take in how demanding babies are and well how useless most (not all before I'm set upon) are when it comes to looking after them. In my oh's eyes it's stuff in a bottle wait til she's happy and quiet then pull her about for a cuddle make her cry and then moan about it.

I hope it all works out for you and you have a safe happy delivery. Enjoy being a mummy, it's the most amazing thing ever xx

 

[lily2011]

Honestly though...most men talk a huge game when it comes to babies...especially the ones who have never even held one before. Once they "see" what it really entails they change their tune immediately. I am friendly with FOB so the first time he stayed with us when he met LO, I made SURE he knew what I went through. When LO cried at night, I didn't console her immediately as I would normally do, while he sleeps through the night on my couch. Instead, I said, since you're here, see if you can lull her back to sleep. Well after just one hour, he pretty much gave up!! He told me, "I had no idea how much work babies are!" Men are absolutely no good when it comes to losing sleep. They may be all for it at 2 pm, but once it's the middle of the night, forget about it. This is why, even if I wanted him to, I'm sure he would never take her for a weekend. So if he is saying he wants 2 weeks with her, he's saying that out of naivety. I guarantee he'd be calling you after 6 hours, unless he enlisted the full time help of his mother.

 

[lily2011]

And Jaytee, don't let him threaten you that he wants to take her for a week. He is a long way away from getting overnights. I see you're in the US. Many states have a cut and dry law that no overnights until 3 years of age. Even the states that don't have a precedent, it would be very rare for a judge to take an infant away from the mother overnight. He can get her for a few hours here and there but that is it.

 

[mum2b2012]

oh i can guarentee that his mum will do everything, he could sleep through a train crashing thru his house. he said to me, 'how hard could it be, plus my family can help' so if it is really that easy, why did he go off the rails coz he was so stressed about having the responsibility of being a dad and sleep with another girl to cope better. yea nice one.

his family mean well, but they are a very angry family and his dad is known for his reputation in the village. i dont want my baby being around people like that when im not about. his mum is nice most of the time but has an evil side!! i asked him if he wanted to read some notes i had from the antenatal class that he didnt attend, a pack especially for new dads but all he said was nah ill be fine. i dont know why i bother sometimes!!

 

[Lau88]

I know what u mean my oh stayed last night and when lo was crying didn't wake up until I hit him...5 times and then I'm out of line for waking him up apparently. He stays one night a week surely that's not too much to ask. And then he forgot to put her sensor mat on knowing full well she stopped breathing for a bit yday and how worried I am about it.

See my in laws are just as much of a problem as him. They're controling obsessive and manipulative, his dads the biggest prick ve ever met and his mum acts like she's hers. I ever found a text from his brother after lo was born saying 'we've decided on amilie so push for that' never mind that his dad has never called her by her name and just calls her it. Why would I wanna leave my amazing daughter with people like that?!

 

[Lau88]

I know what u mean my oh stayed last night and when lo was crying didn't wake up until I hit him...5 times and then I'm out of line for waking him up apparently. He stays one night a week surely that's not too much to ask. And then he forgot to put her sensor mat on knowing full well she stopped breathing for a bit yday and how worried I am about it.

See my in laws are just as much of a problem as him. They're controling obsessive and manipulative, his dads the biggest prick ve ever met and his mum acts like she's hers. I ever found a text from his brother after lo was born saying 'we've decided on amilie so put for that' never mind that his dad has never called her by her name and just calls her it. Why would I wanna leave my amazing daughter with people like that?!

 

[lily2011]

This is why I am so sick of people saying "oh you poor thing, doing everything yourself because you're a single mom"

I do everything even when he is around! I'm sure a lot of married mothers end up doing everything too.