Those with joint custody - what do you do about making medical decisions?

[Natsku]

How do you decide who has the final say in cases where you disagree and can't compromise?

 

[Boomerslady]

It's such a hard one!!! Generally we agree on most things, I'd like to think something medical we'd both have bens best interests at heart so could agree.

Honestly though, as much as he HATES it, I get the final say. I've always said when it comes to big choices I'm 51% he's 49% it's harsh yes, and he should have a say (he does) but if we really really can't agree I choose. It's never happened thankfully, but in the UK one parent is deemed the 'main' parent (gets child benefit, tax credits etc) and that's me. If he wanted to be the main parent he'd have to take me to court!!!

 

[Natsku]

That sounds a good way to do it, the main parent has final say but try and agree first.

 

[Boomerslady]

I've just thought of a story in the press a few years ago about a young boy called Neon Roberts. His dad didn't agree with her medical choices (rightly so in my opinion!) and a court over ride her decision and they boy had treatment. So I'd like to think the child's best interests always wins in the end.

 

[Natsku]

Yeah I remember that story, glad the court intervened. I need to get something about the final call down in writing officially otherwise FOB will just keep arguing with me over every decision.

 

[BrandiCanucks]

It didn't work for us and in the end, I had no choice but to take my ex back to court and just got full custody two weeks ago.

We had joint and all decisions had to be agreed upon. If we couldn't agree, we had to seek the opinion of a third party professional and go from there. It happened several times that our kids needed medical attention or services and we couldn't agree and after the third party, he still wouldn't agree, so I had no choice but to take him back.

I've seen clauses where there is "joint with final say" where both parents can have input, but one parent will always override the other in the case of a disagreement.

Despite now having full custody, I still include my ex in those aspects. I inform him of all appointments and meetings about our kids, and he has started to come to them to keep up with their medical and developmental needs. One of our children has special needs and medical needs, so it's great that we're both involved in that sense, but now there are no more hoops to jump through and I don't have to take him to court just to get our children services.

 

[Natsku]

We're due back to court in February anyway, I'm thinking if we have much more disagreements between now and then then I better go for full custody too (or at least full decision making power on medical issues). I'd still involve him in appointments etc like you're doing BrandiCanucks, that seems only fair.

 

[babycrazy1706]

What's he disagreeing on nat?? Xx

 

[Natsku]

He was disagreeing on using antibiotics when she had tonsillitis. I ended up just making the final call to use them and eventually he stopped going on about it once he saw she was much better.

 

[babycrazy1706]

How silly

 

[pinklightbulb]

I get final say, in Australia it's the same as UK, one parent is deemed primary custodial parent and receives Parenting Payment and FTB part A and B, even if the arrangement is 51/49 and as close to 50/50 as they will allow.

 

[BrandiCanucks]

Even when my ex and I had 50/50 shared, their primary residence was with me. We had 50/50 legal, and 50/50 residential, but because their primary address was with me (school address was mine, health card address was my address), I was entitled to all the benefits to support the children.