Thought I was over it...

[JemmaLouise]

Hello ladies. This is more of a get it off my chest thing as my other half doesn't really understand my feelings.

Basically I'm just sick and tired of feeling sad and angry. I thought I was over it all as Christmas preoccupied me but seems I'm just restoring back to my little black hole.

My miscarriage was back in November but still it affects me, maybe because I've only just got a positive test and I'm all over the place with what's going on.

Anyway we have this friend who had her baby back in December, I dont wish her any ill will but I'm so bored of hearing the first thing she says to anyone "well I have a new baby now", then proceeds to go on about how lucky she is, how happy she is and how in love she is. I get having a new baby is exciting but I feel like she is being a tad insensitive especially since its the same group of us all the time so she hadn't anyone new to tell this to. My 20 week scan would have been this week so maybe I am being oversensitive but I'm just so annoyed... why me... why us?

 

[Ltweety]

Jemma-I'm so sorry. Your loss was so much further than mine, but I do know what you mean. It is really hard to hear of others in pregnancy and new borns. My great nephew (it's complicated because my niece is 30 and I'm 32) is 1 1/2 and she is 6 months pregnant again. I found out she was pregnant while I was still going through my ectopic. It's devastating, and no one understands how hard it is and how it just sneaks up on you. My best friend, who has suffered two 7 week losses, said to me "It's just F$!*ing unfair, and there is no good reason, and nothing we can do about it, and nothing I can say to make it any easier." Oddly, that was the best thing anyone said to me. Not "I'm sorry", not "it will get better", not "it was just a fluke and it will happen", or "just relax." I feel like shouting at all of them and saying "Don't F'ing tell me to relax!" Like if the most important thing in the world to them were put in jeopardy they wouldn't "worry about it" and they would just "relax."

Give yourself a break. You are allowed to be sad. You are allowed to grieve and be upset and not make any sense to a man who does not have a uterus, and doesn't know how quickly we become mothers. It happens before we even conceive when we start preparing our body for our unborn babies. They just can't get it.

But we do, and we are here for you...so rant away and feel free to message me if you need a more personal chat. I work in front of a computer so I try to check in a couple times a day

 

[JemmaLouise]

thanks ltweety... it's hard when you think you're alright and then it sneaks up on you again. the amount of people who basically just gloss over it with a 'better luck next time' really annoys me.

I am sorry about your loss too and appreciate your post I wish someone would wave a magic wand and all of us in ttc after a loss got what we wanted

limbo land is not fun and waiting for a sniff at a cycle is bringing me down

 

[Ltweety]

Well based on your last post in the other thread it sounds like you may be O'ing, so that's a good sign. Did you use any OPKs? Can you check your cervical position or CM? Other indicators of O....

 

[wantingagirl]

I dont think we ever get better hun we just learn to deal with it