To have another baby or wait?

[mummytobe_93]

So I'm basically after some advice, I don't know whether to go with my heart or my head.

Me and my partner both really want another baby (my dd is 7.5 months) and we think a 1,5/2 year age gap would be nice. We both grew up with other siblings close in age and they were a large part of out lives whilst growing up.
My DD also doesn't have any cousins and won't in a very long time, I feel sad that she may have to grow up by her self.

The only problem is I am planning on going to university next year and obviously I can't do this with two kids. My head is telling me to go to university, get a job and then have another baby. So we will probably have like a six year age gap!

Or to have one now, and wait a few more years to go to university but it will obviously be harder with two. A lot harder!

Argh! I think I've made it clear what the sensible option is so can't why I just let having another baby so soon go? I can't stop thinking about it!

Any advice would be great or peoples opinions. Tia

 

[Snufflepop]

Wow I could have written this! It is such a hard decision! My DD is 3 months old. Our plan had been that we would have one child and then I would go back to uni starting 2015 for a minimum of three years, possibly 6 if I did a part time course. Part of me still wants to do this because I hate my current job and the thought of going back to it long term depresses me! It would also mean better financial stability etc in the long term.

However since we had DD we both feel that we would love another child. Preferably fairly soon so that they are close in age. Obviously that means delaying studying and it may not even be feasible if we had two children.

Like you my head says go study, and if you want another baby have it later but that would be a minimum of five years away and I don't really want to have a gap that big. Plus if I have just qualified in a new field I will want to start work, not go back to newborn days and start all over again with a baby.

My heart says try for no 2 when DD is one year old! I had an 18 month gap with my sister and we were close growing up so I would love the same for DD.

Sorry I have no real advice or solution for you but you are not alone with the decision and I will be stalking to see what people say!

 

[Pearls18]

This is the way I see it, to over simplify it, I think most women choose to have the babies first, or get the career first you've already started your family, you have to think in the long term, you can get a degree any time but you will only get a chance for a small age gap once if that is important to you. As you've started your family I would think how you want your family to be shaped, if you're stable enough for a child of course,if your finances or living situation wasn't suitable then that would be different.

I fell pregnant after my undergrad but before doing my postgrad which I need for my career, so I've kind of compromised, I work part time, I study part time but I still had my second baby with the age gap we wanted (3 years) it hasn't even easy,ideally I would have waited until at least this year to get my postgrad done but I didn't want the gap to be massive, similarly I wasn't patient enough to wait until my kids were older, I enjoy working so that was how I wanted to go about if, a compromise I guess.

 

[steph.]

As marinewag said, you can go to university any time but the age gap between your children will be permanent. Yes it might be harder with 2, but not impossible. My sister is about to start a masters and she has 2 kids 18 months apart, she will be doing it part time while the kids are in daycare. I think if you have your heart set on a small gap and can financially do it, then do it. Everything else will work itself out. If not you might regret it later.

 

[spicyorange]

Growing up "on your own" isn't do bad, I am an only child with no cousins near me and it was great. Don't assume that it will be bad for the kids but then if you want then closer then do it, no one ever said in old age, I wish is worked at my career more

 

[KalonKiki]

If it makes you feel any better, I have a 2 year age gap with my younger brother and a 6 year age gap with my younger sister and felt equally close to them. They were both my best friends and a huge part of my life. I think that personality has more to do with how well siblings will get along than the age gap does. It's still possible to have a 6 year age gap and have your children still be close to each other. It was actually really exciting for me being in kindergarten and getting to tell my whole class that I was going to have a baby sister. I think it's really special when your child is actually old enough to understand what's going on when you're pregnant and able to get excited about it. When children are still babies or toddlers they have no idea what's going on and don't understand the concept of a little brother or sister. About 3 or 4 years old is when they start to understand.

That's not to say that you shouldn't have a close age gap though, I'm just speaking from my experience. If a close age gap is what feels right to you then you should go for it. Lots of people do it and have much success with it and feel happy with their choice. I just happened to experience both a short age gap and a long one between my siblings and nothing was different for me between either of them due to the age gap.

If you think that university will be too difficult with two children then I would say that it's best to wait until you've finished to have another baby. Or you could do a couple of years, have another baby, and then go back when you think that your second baby is old enough.

 

[CaliDreaming]

These choices are never easy, but if it were me, I would finish having babies first and then go on to university. The baby making stage of life and the career building stage of life are both very all consuming. It's easier if you get one stage out of the way before you go on to the next stage. It seems like it's a lot easier for women who delay entering the workforce than those who jump in and then jump back out before their career is fully established.

But if you do decide on going back to school now, I agree with everyone who's said that children can still be close despite a large age gap and that only children are very happy, so no need to worry about any of that!

 

[Noodlebear]

I would say go for the age gap that will suit your family dynamic. I wouldn't personally decide when to have my children based on what relationship I predict they *might* have. My brother is 9 years younger than me and we get on great, my sister is only a couple of years younger than me and I honestly can't stand her, we've never got on and I doubt we ever will.

From what you've said I personally think I would wait and get uni done and dusted to have the added stability for when baby no.2 comes along but only you can decide if you want to complete your family before going for the career or not.