try again after loss

[seaview24]

hi im 44yrs now really old.had mc jan 2011.had loss in 2009 which was really hard& still is to think about .i was 23wks preg .wen i lost our baby thomas.anyway since mc periods turn up wen they like drs r waste of space say its early menapause.but im still try .i take agnus castus just brought some dhea .cq10.not sure wat else i can take to help me conceive again.been feeling low again .have gd & bad days where just want to cry.we have kids already kieran is 6 our youngest.any tips or advice wud be great ty sue.

 

[Spoomie]

Bless you seaview, I am so so sorry for your loss and for your pain. I'm afraid I can't offer any earth shattering advice, only the comfort of camaraderie. I too am 44, have been pregnant 4 times in my life but have just one beautiful son who was conceived naturally and born when I was 40. My last mc was in November 2010 at just past 12 weeks when I was 42, and, despite well timed BD since then, nothing I have spent hundreds, possibly thousands of pounds on herbalist, supplements, acupuncture, reflexology, OPKs, CBFM, softcups etc etc, the list goes on! I have now arrived at a place of acceptance that this is not going to happen, the journey to this point has been unspeakably painful. My regimen has been similar to yours, I have been taking vitex from my herbalist for most of the time since my mc and have also taken DHEA for several months, along with COQ10 since January this year. I would probably crash the site if I listed all the others I've taken along the way, but when 2 weeks supply of CoQ10 cost me over £60, I had a bit of a wake up call where I thought enough is enough, these are actually not making any difference and are just giving me false hope. I am now letting my supplements run out and will not replace them. I have given up the therapies and haven't used OPKs or CBFM for a good 6 months now. I do still temp and chart - I have a love hate relationship with FF!!!

I really hope this doesn't sound harsh and I don't want to dash your hopes but I want to be honest as you sound in a similar place to me a few months ago. I still have this dream that by letting go some of my OCD (!) around ttc that I may relax and get the golden egg because I am now convinced that my anguish and stress since my last mc have hindered our chances of conceiving in the past 17 months. I now fear that as the door was closing, I messed up my chances by not relaxing and just allowing things to be. SO, I am now trying to re-engage with the life I have and to be thankful for my beautiful family rather than mourn what I have lost.

My only advice would be to chill and to enjoy your lovely family, and I KNOW that is easier said than done, especially when the pain is so overwhelming. However, for me I think it is the idea of viewing this as a win-win situation; enjoying my family has to benefit us all and if I can chill out then I am more likely to conceive along the way. All I can say is that stressing and being desperately unhappy about the place where I find myself has not helped me to fulfil my dreams.

I pray you get your dream baby

 

[seaview24]

hi sent u pm ty sue.

 

[Desperado167]

Seaview ,I have just pm you ,I can't add anything else to wot spoomie has wrote But I am terribly sad for you and wot u have been thru ,,I am also in a very similar place as you both ,I am 44 and have had ten losses but I also have a beautiful family of four ,I have tried everything and to no avail and I have also got to that place of acceptance rather than banging my head off a brick wall ,I still temp and dtd around o but I have started to live my life again and enjoy wot I have ,I truly hope u find peace and i just want you to know we are all here for you anytime u need to talk ,love and prayers for you both And I also pray u both get a beautiful baby ,

 

[Spoomie]

hi sent u pm ty sue.

Thanks sea view, I'm dashing out now but will reply later

 

[Spoomie]

Hi Despie, Thanks for the vote of confidence, I re-read my post and hoped it didn't sound too harsh. Yes, the banging your head thing strikes a chord, I felt for a long time, if I'm doing all these things then where is my reward?! Right now, I am more philosophical and try to see my half full glass, as opposed to my half empty one. and ditto, I pray your baby is just around the corner, both of your babies. You know what's crazy? To me, my forties feels like the perfect time to have a family

 

[Desperado167]

Hi Despie, Thanks for the vote of confidence, I re-read my post and hoped it didn't sound too harsh. Yes, the banging your head thing strikes a chord, I felt for a long time, if I'm doing all these things then where is my reward?! Right now, I am more philosophical and try to see my half full glass, as opposed to my half empty one. and ditto, I pray your baby is just around the corner, both of your babies. You know what's crazy? To me, my forties feels like the perfect time to have a family

No babes u didn't sound harsh just honest ,I guess after all we have been thru we get more realistic as time goes on .but i Do still get excited wen I get my smiley face dumb I know ,

 

[seaview24]

hi desp & spoomie .i know ur right in wat you say.& hope we all get our babys 1 day .im not go to give up try though ty sue.

 

[marathongirl]

I just want to say that Spoomie and Despie are spot on. I would also like to say sorry for your losses. I too have had 3 losses and the pain almost seems overwhelming at times. I am definitely trying to appreciate what I have without giving up my dream of catching that golden egg. At 42 I still feel hopeful but every month that goes by I get closer and closer to that feeling of"is this ever going to happen??" I pray everyday that we will all get our dream baby.

 

[seaview24]

hi n thanks know how u feel sue.