TTC #1 and having a hard time emotionally.

[Wanting2BMom]

Hello,
My husband and I have been ttc for over two years now. We have been seeing a specialist that says that there is no real rason why we should not be able to conceive. That being the case...>What is wrong with me? This is a question that I have been asking myself for the psat year and a half at least. I feel like a failure at times because I have not been able to give my husband a child and of course he is very supportive and doesnt fell that way about me at all. I am an emotional basket case often and my bouts of crying can be set off by seeing a friend that was not even trying post on facebook a sonogram as their profile pic or I see someone with a baby bump. Sorry I dont know all of the abbreviations for some of the terms. I have deleted many friends off of facebook and have resorted to not going to babyshowers. It really hurts and I do not know what to do to keep my emotions in check. It is also hard because I am a pre-k teacher and the center that I work in have infant classrooms that I have to walk past everyday numerous amounts of times. Someone asked me what I would do if I never had the BFP.....I said that I would loose my mind. What do I do to keep in control of these ovewhelming feelings.

 

[cooch]

You poor honey. Your feelings echo, I would say, the majority of the women on here (LTTC). Our lives seem to head now in a different direction to most of our friends. I know no one who has been in my situation as everyone has gotten their babies, some now onto their 2nd. It really sucks. All we can do is try (v hard) to stay positive.

Have you been investigated for endometriosis? There can pften be no signs or pain, yet it can be found by laparoscopy. Mine didn't show on scans, internal or external and even though there was a tiny amount of it, it was still there.

Try and think of the nice things in your life that you can be thankful for. How bout this- I'm thinking of doing it as I like a hands on project xx

https://www.oprah.com/spirit/Create-Your-Own-Life-Map

 

[Wanting2BMom]

I do not think that I have had that test done, but I think that I have had every other test done. Would that show up in any other test?n I consistantley think about and thank God for what he has already blessed me with, but it is hard when the people that you work with are constantly asking if you want children and when are you gonna have them just because they are oni baby number two. It is so frustrating so I just try to smile and laugh it off without crying. I feel as though I am a positive person but I do not know how mauch more of this I can take and I know that God does not give you more than you can bare so he knows that these struggles and trials I can carry and bare without loosing my mind or control, but how long do I have to bare them.

 

[cooch]

The laparoscopy is surgery (a little camera is inserted into look around at ovaries and tubes) endometriosis doesn't show up anywhere else. I know its difficult. A friend's teenage daughter recently had a baby, I thought it would have been nice to go see them, until he said it may give us ideas, wink wink. I stayed away. It is natural to think someone married and of child bearing age would be wanting children. People really should just keep their mouths shut. The whole infertile status is so shocking when other people blink and they're pregnant.

 

[NellyVille]

It's a horrible position to be in. We all get down about it and seeing others have babies so easily always brings feelings of "why not me?" to the surface. I can't say focus on the positives and all the other stuff because, quite frankly, when you've been trying for so long nothing anybody says makes it any easier, LTTTC sucks!!!! Just know that you're not alone. We're all here for you, we know how you feel and we understand. xxxxx

 

[Wanting2BMom]

Thank you for your support. At a time like this is is great to have the support of family and my h usband but it is nothing like having the support of other women in my position felling the same way.

 

[Sizzles]

The laparoscopy is surgery (a little camera is inserted into look around at ovaries and tubes) endometriosis doesn't show up anywhere else. I know its difficult. A friend's teenage daughter recently had a baby, I thought it would have been nice to go see them, until he said it may give us ideas, wink wink. I stayed away. It is natural to think someone married and of child bearing age would be wanting children. People really should just keep their mouths shut. The whole infertile status is so shocking when other people blink and they're pregnant.

I know what you mean! Back in the summer a colleague brought her new baby in to work and a few of us were cooing over her; another colleague said "Don't you go getting any ideas!" It was said in jest, but having beeng trying for ages at that point it hurts and I thought "Why the hell not!? - I'm 33, married, stable etc. It's my turn!" Of course I said nothing and just smiled...

 

[Armywife84]

Majority of us LTTC women have a hard time keeping our emotions in check, the longer we go the more bitter we get. Each day is a struggle. You have to what you can as far as coping mechanisms go.

Here's what I do, maybe you can copy a few of these...

- I don't go to baby showers. Instead, I send DH to a baby store for a gift card and send it in the mail.
- I don't attend baptisms, or children's birthday parties either.
- I was deleting all pregnant ones off my FB, but got tired of fearing logging on due to another announcement so I just deleted my FB.
- I don't socialize with pregnant women at all, or women with children (unless it's family). I find that we don't have much in common because all they babble on about is their children. Not all but most.
- I turn in the other direction when I see a bump or newborn in public.
-I've recently started seeing a therapist because I believed I was suffering from depression and anxiety (still am) stemmed from IF. It's a way for me to vent and get my feelings out there. Really, it's better than no physical support at all (other than the virtual I receive on BNB).


As far as passing the infant center, keep your eyes forward and walk briskly past it.

You'll find out what works for you..so far you have a good start.

 

[Janers]

Hello,

I feel your pain, my husband and I have been trying for about 20 months now, and I have had an HSG test, and last month a lap to find out I have Endometriosis. I am happy to know what the reason is, but its so hard to deal with.

All my friends have kids, my sister in law had her first just recently and my other sister in law just announced she's pregnant with her second.

It is so hard to deal with all the comments, "oh that baby looks good on you, when will it be your turn" The worst is when people tell me how great of a Dad my hubby will be! I want to scream at people, obviously i know that!

I agree with Armywife84, you really need to take yourself out of uncomftorable situations, your the most important person in your life, you need to make sure you are ok before worrying about others. Don't worry about going to baby showers, find things that make you happy. I've started sewing, i never thought i would do it, but i love it and it keeps my mind off things. Gives me something else to focus on when it seems like the rest of the world is only talking about their new babies, or big bellies. I also have to agree, FB is the worst! I have deleted many people!

One more thing about my particular case of endometriosis, its definately not the same for everyone. I had no idea I had it, in hindsight i always had IBS symptoms the week leading up to AF, then really bad cramps days before. By the second day of my period no cramps at all. I used to tell my husband the worst the cramps the shorter my period would be.

Hope that helps, you definately have people who are dealing with the same thing. Each day is different, just do what you can to make yourself happy!

 

[Wanting2BMom]

Thank you so much for the encouragment and the advise. I will start tomorrow with just walking by the baby room not looking and walking away when one of the infant teachers brings a baby down to my classroom. Sometimes I just want to punch the people that ask or the teachers that come in but I know that would not be appropriate or christ like. I am going to continue to remain optimistic and prayerful in hopes that soon andvery soon it will be my turn.

 

[Janers]

Thats for sure the best thing, stay positive!

 

[wonderstars]

The worst thing about this sometimes is not knowing and,omg, the waiting. We completely understand. Here's to hoping we all have a better 2012.

Though I'd really like to not see any more pregnant women until I am....

 

[StephieB]

22 months and counting here, and another 'unexplained infertility' (The most irritating diagnosis ever!)

I too get more and more bitter with every month that passes by, for the past few months I have been a little better, not been obsessed with POAS and not even thinking about AF or anything like that, but this month, particularly after Christmas I'm having a very bitter month.

You're definitely not alone in this, when I need a cry and a rant and rave and my husband isn't around, this place is fantastic (We are TTC in secret, the longer it went on the harder it is to tell people...)

 

[Wanting2BMom]

I mean really... it is like how much more can I take....It is like I have this constant ache in my heart that just will not go away and is hard to not think about. I just want my heart to stop hurting and unfortunatly it hurts everyday!!!!!!!!!!! It may not be as painful on some days, but others like today after seeing pregnant women almost all day makes it so much harder. I just want the paing to get lighter and my heavy heart to get lighter. My husband is so supportive but I do not always let him know how I am feeling all of the time so that he doesnt become worried. When I do let him and share my feelings with him , in return asking him how he feels...he just sits there and says he is ok...I know he is not being honest, but i just wish that he would share with me.

 

[wonderstars]

W2BM, have you thought about seeing a counsellor to help you through this? I think many of us here have realized that depression and IF is very closely linked and we don't ever really acknowledge it. Having someone to even vent to, to cry to, may be something that would be beneficial.

Infertility is a damn hard thing to deal with, we need to do whatever we can to ensure we stay emotionally healthy.

 

[NellyVille]

22 months and counting here, and another 'unexplained infertility' (The most irritating diagnosis ever!)

I too get more and more bitter with every month that passes by, for the past few months I have been a little better, not been obsessed with POAS and not even thinking about AF or anything like that, but this month, particularly after Christmas I'm having a very bitter month.

You're definitely not alone in this, when I need a cry and a rant and rave and my husband isn't around, this place is fantastic (We are TTC in secret, the longer it went on the harder it is to tell people...)

SNAP!! To every single thing, except I think we're on 21 months. all round xxxxxx