TTC Loss After Born

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Hi.
My beautiful son, Vincent, passed away shortly after he was born. He passed away on 5/11 of this year weighing at 1lb 1oz 13inch long @ 3:42 pm in Kansas City, Kansas. I was staying the night with my mama to spend time with her and my 10 year old daughter that weekend. I woke up around 5:00 am like something woke me up and told me to go to the restroom.

When I went to the restroom and I pulled my panties down, I seen blood, not a lot. I was also getting little abdominal pain and I thought I was having a miscarriage. Long story short, I had preeclampsia and Hypertension and he needed to be born soon.

When he was born he wasn't crying and I knew something was wrong. I gave birth vaginally. His heart stopped and he passed away. His lungs and heart wasn't fully developed and he was a premature baby.

I was in the hospital for six (6) days. My husband also stayed the night at the hospital with me and stayed by my side. Even though he hates hospitals.

In a year my husband and I plan on having another baby, a rainbow baby. I kind of feel bad making that decision but we want a baby together. I have a 10 year old daughter but from a previous relationship.

I'm always depressed with Vincent on my mind and I kind of feel wrong wanting to try for another baby in a year or sooner. What can I do to relax and stop feeling so... Wrong?

 

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I want to TTC soon but a year really seems like a better option since I lost my son. 9 more days it'll be a month since I lost my little angel. I don't know if my body is ready nor can handle it. I'm a little scared. I'm a little scared having sex, haven't had sex since I got pregnant in December(?)

I'm waiting on my period and it should start soon since I've been getting cramps since yesterday. I'm going to start tracking my period and ovulation. I know I'll start ovulating soon.