TTC starting to lose hope

[swimmyj1]

Anyone have any advice on how to keep trying and staying hopeful after so many BFN? My doctor keeps saying to give it a full year but I've had two chemical pregnancies and I just feel like my concerns are not being taken seriously.

I admit I work completely opposite schedules as my fiance so there are times we can go 4+ days without seeing each other (does not make for good baby making odds). I've started opk testing and this month we definitely got our timing right. Heres to hoping his buddies made it there.

I'm getting married in about 2 weeks and AF will make her nasty apperance around then. Does anyone have any advice or hopeful thoughts? I would love to have some cycle buddies who can do this evil 2 week wait with me.

 

[bunyhuny]

I don't have much to offer, but sending lots of your way. I am so sorry for your losses. I hope you get a sticky bean soon and don't have to worry about any of this sad stuff anymore!

I know you are totally hating your doctor right now I hated my doctor when they wouldn't do anything after my m/c. It sucked! It also made me really look into why nothing was being done. Here is what I found out:

A single miscarriage is totally normal, and so are chemical pregnancies if it's just a couple of them in a row. Doctors think that about 60% of pregnancies are lost before 6 weeks, before an ultrasound even picks up a heartbeat. It's really sad, but that's just how it is. After 6 weeks, 20% of the remaining pregnancies are lost. By 9 weeks, the chance is less than 2%. When you think about it that way, you can rest assured that there is a very high likelihood that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you, you've just hit the crappy side of the odds a couple times in a row. I've hit them, too, and yes, it is incredibly sucky.

My OB/Gyn starts recurrent loss testing at:

2 m/c's
1 m/c + 2-3 chemicals
4 chemicals

Anything less than these, and the chances really are that you are totally fine and just need to give it a little more time. And yeah, I know, waaayyyyyy easier said than done!

 

[Bee Bee]

Honestly, the thing that sort of gets me through it is to not expect a positive. It takes a while to get into that string of thought but really, even just statistically, you will have many more negatives than positives just in general. (unless you are one of those lucky ladies who does it first try or something)

But I think going into each testing phase and not expecting anything lessens the blow a lot over being heartbroken that it's not positive. That's just for me anyway.

Honestly, I was sort of getting to a point where I was resenting others before I changed my frame of thinking and I don't want to be that girl. I see women who get upset and/or angry when those around them get pregnant, and I don't want to be in that place so flipping into that frame of thought has helped with that too.

 

[swimmyj1]

Bee Bee- thank you , I noticed myself becoming one of those woman who was becoming angry at other woman for being pregnant. Especially my best friend who is one of those lucky women who gets pregnant right away, and I'm not that kind of person at all. Thank god she is an understanding friend when I broke down crying like a crazy woman. I just wish I knew more women who are going through this struggle.

But I'm trying to be somewhat hopeful. I just started opk testing and this was my best strip, so maybe luck will be on my side. Do you think it is dark enough to be an actual ovulation? I have a regular cycle but I don't think I ovulate every time (hence the opk testing) If not I will look on the bright side of being a newly wed and having an amazing 2 week honeymoon.

 

[KatO79]

Hi swimmyj1 :wave:

Sorry you're having a tough time TTCing. I understand it. My DH and I (37 and 35) have been trying for 1 year and 5 months and are in the 2WW of our 3rd IUI (with injectables). I'm 9 dpiui. It's hard to keep seeing AF and/or getting constant BFNs.

I think bunyhuny is right, you've been unlucky with those chemicals. I've heard that unless you have more than 3, then it's just bad luck and no doctor will see you until you've had more than that.

Honestly, the thing that sort of gets me through it is to not expect a positive. It takes a while to get into that string of thought but really, even just statistically, you will have many more negatives than positives just in general. (unless you are one of those lucky ladies who does it first try or something)

But I think going into each testing phase and not expecting anything lessens the blow a lot over being heartbroken that it's not positive. That's just for me anyway.

This is how I've been handling things the last 9 months or so as well. I just expect AF to come every month and then I'm not disappointed and upset every single month when she does show. I did get upset after my 2nd IUI failed (had a few too many promising symptoms) but all the months before that I haven't had any breakdowns because I keep telling myself chances are I'm not pregnant and just mentally prepare myself for my next cycle/IUI. This may be a good way for you to handle your future cycles so you aren't upset every month and can only be pleasantly surprised.

You have a good distraction: your wedding I'd try and just throw myself into concentrating on that and enjoying the honeymoon period. I've been throwing myself into being distracted with making my own earrings since I am already married (going on 6 years in May).

Hope you have a nice wedding and good luck with TTCing, hope your BFP is just around the corner

BTW that OPK is close to being positive, I'd think either tomorrow or maybe the day after it will be It's first positive when the test line is as dark or darker than the control.

 

[writingislove]

So sorry to hear about your CPs. That would make it extra rough. I honestly find that the best coping mechanism for me is to come here. What gives me the most hope is to know that I'm not alone and there are women I can talk to who are going through the same thing I am, so they completely understand.

On a side note, I'm on my 8th cycle TTC and I'll be O'ing in the next few days, so you've got a cycle buddy here!

 

[swimmyj1]

I agree, its so comforting to come on here and know that there are other women going through the same thing. I ovulated on the 20th so here's to hoping. My opk never got any darker than in the picture above. I'm hoping I still ovulated this month .

I'm getting married april 10th and will be on my honeymoon until the 21st. I was going to start testing in a few days if AF doesn't show up. Idk would you want to know earlier than later or just hold off?