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misalhalabi93
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ProfWife
Mommy to Anne
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I would not TTC unless he is okay with it. If you are ready to have a little one, you need to talk it out with him. Don't track and try to trick him into getting you pregnant. It would be far better for you to actually both want to be a part of this process.
You're 21. You need to get your hormones balanced with a doctor's supervision and make sure you take care of yourself. In all likelihood, your husband will come around. However, it's better for you to be on the same page when it comes to conceiving a little one. You're causing yourself to be depressed and you're causing potential friction by forcing an issue he isn't ready for yet. You've only been married a year and change for now. If you wait for him, you'd be actually on the same page together AND can enjoy that process together when you're both ready.
Irregular does not mean not ovulating. It means you don't do it cyclically. That means you have an ovulatory dysfunction of some kind. See your ob/gyn about that. If you get a handle on that NOW (and it will take several months of testing and potentially medication to get it under control) you and your hubby might be better off to get pregnant quickly as you'd be healthier.
BTW - If he's using NO protection and you're not on birth control, you guys may not be "trying" but you certainly aren't preventing. He needs to understand that an irregular period still means that he can get you pregnant if you have sex.
Overall, I'd cool it on trying to force yourself to get pregnant. You'll drive yourself nuts...especially if you're irregular and not under a doctor's care (b/c you have no way to track ovulation if you're that irregular...therefore, you really have no clue what your body is doing and attempting to time without that knowledge is putting pressure on yourself you don't need. You're actually hurting yourself.).
Take it from someone who desperately wanted kids the first 5 years of marriage (even with almost a year-long delay as my husband wasn't "ready" yet either), the stress of TTC is too much to handle, especially when keeping it secret. If you end up having struggles after seeing a doctor, you will need each other.
He's your husband. Be honest and truthful. If he isn't ready, you can't make him ready. What you can do though is see a doctor about your irregular periods and try to get that under control so that in a few months you'll be healthy and ready to conceive your sweet baby.
You're 21. You need to get your hormones balanced with a doctor's supervision and make sure you take care of yourself. In all likelihood, your husband will come around. However, it's better for you to be on the same page when it comes to conceiving a little one. You're causing yourself to be depressed and you're causing potential friction by forcing an issue he isn't ready for yet. You've only been married a year and change for now. If you wait for him, you'd be actually on the same page together AND can enjoy that process together when you're both ready.
Irregular does not mean not ovulating. It means you don't do it cyclically. That means you have an ovulatory dysfunction of some kind. See your ob/gyn about that. If you get a handle on that NOW (and it will take several months of testing and potentially medication to get it under control) you and your hubby might be better off to get pregnant quickly as you'd be healthier.
BTW - If he's using NO protection and you're not on birth control, you guys may not be "trying" but you certainly aren't preventing. He needs to understand that an irregular period still means that he can get you pregnant if you have sex.
Overall, I'd cool it on trying to force yourself to get pregnant. You'll drive yourself nuts...especially if you're irregular and not under a doctor's care (b/c you have no way to track ovulation if you're that irregular...therefore, you really have no clue what your body is doing and attempting to time without that knowledge is putting pressure on yourself you don't need. You're actually hurting yourself.).
Take it from someone who desperately wanted kids the first 5 years of marriage (even with almost a year-long delay as my husband wasn't "ready" yet either), the stress of TTC is too much to handle, especially when keeping it secret. If you end up having struggles after seeing a doctor, you will need each other.
He's your husband. Be honest and truthful. If he isn't ready, you can't make him ready. What you can do though is see a doctor about your irregular periods and try to get that under control so that in a few months you'll be healthy and ready to conceive your sweet baby.
aknqtpie
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WSS^^^^
She nailed it right on the head. I would not be trying without your DH on the same page as you. Doing that could ultimately ruin your marriage. You are making a life altering decision for him, that he is not ready for.
I think though, that you should sit down with him and bring it up that you both have been not preventing for over a year, and because your cycles are off, it makes you think that there could be another issue to look at. Tell him although he is not ready, you want to go to the doctor to get this issue addressed, so when he is ready, you will have a plan with your doctor (whether it is Clomid or some other drug).. or something else..
She nailed it right on the head. I would not be trying without your DH on the same page as you. Doing that could ultimately ruin your marriage. You are making a life altering decision for him, that he is not ready for.
I think though, that you should sit down with him and bring it up that you both have been not preventing for over a year, and because your cycles are off, it makes you think that there could be another issue to look at. Tell him although he is not ready, you want to go to the doctor to get this issue addressed, so when he is ready, you will have a plan with your doctor (whether it is Clomid or some other drug).. or something else..
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misalhalabi93
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ProfWife
Mommy to Anne
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I hate to tell you, but it's going to take as long as it's going to take. Normal, healthy couples who have 0 issues can still take up to a year to get pregnant.
We have no known issues (as of right now...I have an appointment today for result review from some blood tests). Yet, we are still on the tail end of our 22nd month of ttc. You cannot tell how long it will or won't take.
In the meantime, you're driving yourself into the ground, going behind your husband's back, etc. Just because he doesn't give in and do what you want doesn't mean he isn't listening or that he doesn't understand. I felt the same way when I'd waited for 4 years of marriage to start trying finally and my husband dropped the bomb on me that he wanted to wait another year. I would be 30 at that point when we finally started trying. I'm 32 now. We'll celebrate our 7th anniversary later this fall.
You cannot continue to do this to yourself or to your husband. I think, in all honesty, you need to just take a breather and stop ttc until he is ready. If you don't, you are being incredibly disrespectful. A man will make the best of a situation (ex. when he thinks you are pregnant). So, he may seem okay because he knew the risks of sex without protection - that doesn't mean that he would be okay with knowing you actually attempted to get pregnant intentionally because you didn't care what he thought.
What your decision comes down to is that you want what you want when you want it...it doesn't seem that your husband factors into this very much. If you love him and want to have a strong marriage, you have to stop going behind his back and doing what you want in spite of it. It's driving you crazy...for your own good, you need to calm down.
You'd be surprised what you can do with hormonal imbalances. However, IF your doctor was right - why are you even trying to time and force your body to conceive? Your depression and stress are self-induced. If you are unable to get pregnant right now, timing, temping, herbs, etc. will only make you more upset each month.
If you have a hormonal imbalance that is that bad, THAT is what you need to focus on. Speak with your husband about how long it takes to balance hormones (90+ days normally) and get a chance to speak with a specialist to determine what course of action needs to be followed to make you healthy again. That is one area that is far more important to stand your ground on instead of the ttc timeline. Your health is more important that whether you conceive this month or next year.
BTW - Do not go on herbs or "natural" meds without consulting with a doctor. If you don't understand your condition (and you don't even know its name), you could end up messing your hormones up even more. You don't want to take something incorrect and end up making the situation more difficult for a doctor to figure out and fix.
We have no known issues (as of right now...I have an appointment today for result review from some blood tests). Yet, we are still on the tail end of our 22nd month of ttc. You cannot tell how long it will or won't take.
In the meantime, you're driving yourself into the ground, going behind your husband's back, etc. Just because he doesn't give in and do what you want doesn't mean he isn't listening or that he doesn't understand. I felt the same way when I'd waited for 4 years of marriage to start trying finally and my husband dropped the bomb on me that he wanted to wait another year. I would be 30 at that point when we finally started trying. I'm 32 now. We'll celebrate our 7th anniversary later this fall.
You cannot continue to do this to yourself or to your husband. I think, in all honesty, you need to just take a breather and stop ttc until he is ready. If you don't, you are being incredibly disrespectful. A man will make the best of a situation (ex. when he thinks you are pregnant). So, he may seem okay because he knew the risks of sex without protection - that doesn't mean that he would be okay with knowing you actually attempted to get pregnant intentionally because you didn't care what he thought.
What your decision comes down to is that you want what you want when you want it...it doesn't seem that your husband factors into this very much. If you love him and want to have a strong marriage, you have to stop going behind his back and doing what you want in spite of it. It's driving you crazy...for your own good, you need to calm down.
You'd be surprised what you can do with hormonal imbalances. However, IF your doctor was right - why are you even trying to time and force your body to conceive? Your depression and stress are self-induced. If you are unable to get pregnant right now, timing, temping, herbs, etc. will only make you more upset each month.
If you have a hormonal imbalance that is that bad, THAT is what you need to focus on. Speak with your husband about how long it takes to balance hormones (90+ days normally) and get a chance to speak with a specialist to determine what course of action needs to be followed to make you healthy again. That is one area that is far more important to stand your ground on instead of the ttc timeline. Your health is more important that whether you conceive this month or next year.
BTW - Do not go on herbs or "natural" meds without consulting with a doctor. If you don't understand your condition (and you don't even know its name), you could end up messing your hormones up even more. You don't want to take something incorrect and end up making the situation more difficult for a doctor to figure out and fix.
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misalhalabi93
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misalhalabi93
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aknqtpie
Mommy to 1
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It sounds like you have more underlying issues than just the TTCing. If he is really shutting you down like that, it comes off like he is treating you like a child.
Why does he have to take you to a doctor? Why can't you go yourself?
No offense, but it sounds like a very controlling relationship. Just my two cents.
I think that no matter what any of us say, we won't get through to you that it is not good for any relationship to trick the other person into having a kid. It will not end well.
Why does he have to take you to a doctor? Why can't you go yourself?
No offense, but it sounds like a very controlling relationship. Just my two cents.
I think that no matter what any of us say, we won't get through to you that it is not good for any relationship to trick the other person into having a kid. It will not end well.
aknqtpie
Mommy to 1
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Have you asked him why he has changed his mind? There is also the possiblity that there is something else going on that you aren't aware of.. Perhaps the possibility of downsizing at work (I have seen on the news that there are quite a few businesses with offices in Washington that are cutting their workforce.
