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cderrs123
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surprisebaby
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I feel really sorry for your situation. I can see you're trying your hardest to make everything work well and it must be frustrating the other mother being difficult. Obviously we don't the whole story etc and why she feels the way she does, however it is about the 3 year old son and what's best for him.
It sounds like she is keeping him away as much as she can. I don't think that is very fair but what can he do? Maybe now would be a time to try and increase the amount of contact? what are the reason's that she doesn't want him to see him more; specific reasons?
I think she may soften a bit if he started paying regular money. To be honest she sounds really jealous of the happy family unit that you both have together plus the fact you both get to carry on with your studies.
Did he treat her very badly? if so maybe he should make ammends to put the situation right. Maybe apologise. She is maybe still resentful of him leaving her if thats what happened? Just guessing why she may be like this.
I think also maybe she senses a smug attitude from the both of you that you are both together but she's the one on her own and that's why she tries to control the situation by doing what she can to get back at the both of you.
sorry not sure what else to say or if any of that makes sense! Good luck anyway
It sounds like she is keeping him away as much as she can. I don't think that is very fair but what can he do? Maybe now would be a time to try and increase the amount of contact? what are the reason's that she doesn't want him to see him more; specific reasons?
I think she may soften a bit if he started paying regular money. To be honest she sounds really jealous of the happy family unit that you both have together plus the fact you both get to carry on with your studies.
Did he treat her very badly? if so maybe he should make ammends to put the situation right. Maybe apologise. She is maybe still resentful of him leaving her if thats what happened? Just guessing why she may be like this.
I think also maybe she senses a smug attitude from the both of you that you are both together but she's the one on her own and that's why she tries to control the situation by doing what she can to get back at the both of you.
sorry not sure what else to say or if any of that makes sense! Good luck anyway
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cderrs123
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cderrs123
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surprisebaby
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I suppose at the end of the day it's his choice that for what ever reason he hasn't taken up the extra contact. Also I think you are trying too hard to make ammends and are worrying about something that you have very little control over. It is your boyfriend's situation I suppose. He is the one that has chosen not to have him more if he was entitled more.
The situation with the brother is a bit strange. why would he get himself involved like that unless your OH said so at the time? Doesn't make much sense. I suppose that happening didn't do you OH any favours.
I think maybe you need to stop caring so much about the situation. You can't let this take over your life. You can't change how his ex acts. She is resentful and sounds like she just wants rid of your ex for good but has to maintain contact for the child.
Regarding having communication with his ex, you don't really need to, sometimes it's easier to avoid conversations with ex's because they just want to argue with you.
its best if there has to be communication between the two parents that it is purely about the child or maintenance or whatever. you don't need to have commmunication that involves chitchat. What about just sending the odd text or email. is she willing to do that?
There isn't much you can do to be honest apart from being supportive to your OH. Its more up to your OH and his ex to meet and sort out their differences. Very frustrating to have little control in the situation.
Also I agree I don't think she is jealous. Probably she just wants to move on and start again and the harrassing has left a negative opinion of your OH. I think he should work hard on being polite and supportive to his ex. And providing money would be also a good start in the right direction. maybe he could ask her what HE could do to improve the situation between them. How could a better atmosphere be achieved? What does she want out of the situation? what do you want? and thirdly what does your OH want? and what is best for the child? And how can you compromise?
Is your OH rude to his ex? just wondered. maybe he should think about what he says to her? Maybe he says things she doesn't like so she feels the need to cut him out.
Thats all i can think of at the moment
The situation with the brother is a bit strange. why would he get himself involved like that unless your OH said so at the time? Doesn't make much sense. I suppose that happening didn't do you OH any favours.
I think maybe you need to stop caring so much about the situation. You can't let this take over your life. You can't change how his ex acts. She is resentful and sounds like she just wants rid of your ex for good but has to maintain contact for the child.
Regarding having communication with his ex, you don't really need to, sometimes it's easier to avoid conversations with ex's because they just want to argue with you.
its best if there has to be communication between the two parents that it is purely about the child or maintenance or whatever. you don't need to have commmunication that involves chitchat. What about just sending the odd text or email. is she willing to do that?
There isn't much you can do to be honest apart from being supportive to your OH. Its more up to your OH and his ex to meet and sort out their differences. Very frustrating to have little control in the situation.
Also I agree I don't think she is jealous. Probably she just wants to move on and start again and the harrassing has left a negative opinion of your OH. I think he should work hard on being polite and supportive to his ex. And providing money would be also a good start in the right direction. maybe he could ask her what HE could do to improve the situation between them. How could a better atmosphere be achieved? What does she want out of the situation? what do you want? and thirdly what does your OH want? and what is best for the child? And how can you compromise?
Is your OH rude to his ex? just wondered. maybe he should think about what he says to her? Maybe he says things she doesn't like so she feels the need to cut him out.
Thats all i can think of at the moment
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cderrs123
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surprisebaby
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She must just really have drawn a line and thats it. I wouldn't personally be like that, but maybe thats just how she can cope with the situation. she must really not want any contact whatsoever and just peace to get on with her life. If you can imagine yourself how you would feel if you had an ex boyfriend that you hated, you wouldn't really want to get messages and see his name come up so it must be something similar to that. Hopefully with time she may change.
so what family member is the inbetween?
Maybe he could pass on a message to the inbetween family member that you both would like to pay something towards OH's son's upkeep. Maybe at the same time give £20 in cash or something like that. Pass on the message you would like to pay regular amounts but not sure best way for her. could she pass he acc details and sort code to family member? She will know you can't afford a lot cos you are both studying. But it is the principle of the matter. She then may start to see you both in a different light. But don't push anything. Try and be supportive towards her.
Then ask the family member what she said. And work out what to do from there.
I understand how horrible that would be not to have that contact when he needs it ( a text) etc. I think that is quite extreme to be so strict about messages however she maybe made a decision after being harrassed that she just couldn't handle any messages from your OH cos she was sick of it. Hopefully with time she can build up a new picture of your OH; one that pays support, friendly, polite etc, a good father. Just try your best where you are and things will happen
so what family member is the inbetween?
Maybe he could pass on a message to the inbetween family member that you both would like to pay something towards OH's son's upkeep. Maybe at the same time give £20 in cash or something like that. Pass on the message you would like to pay regular amounts but not sure best way for her. could she pass he acc details and sort code to family member? She will know you can't afford a lot cos you are both studying. But it is the principle of the matter. She then may start to see you both in a different light. But don't push anything. Try and be supportive towards her.
Then ask the family member what she said. And work out what to do from there.
I understand how horrible that would be not to have that contact when he needs it ( a text) etc. I think that is quite extreme to be so strict about messages however she maybe made a decision after being harrassed that she just couldn't handle any messages from your OH cos she was sick of it. Hopefully with time she can build up a new picture of your OH; one that pays support, friendly, polite etc, a good father. Just try your best where you are and things will happen
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cderrs123
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Thanks a lot. We want to be supportive, he was childish when they ended but he' grown up. He's been a very supporting partner for 3 years and is an amazing Dad to my LO. We just want to help I guess. !
I think next time he goes to see him, we'll send £20 cash and ask for some bank details. I mean we have savings for the LO, but it's different. She should have access to something in case she needs something for him. I wish she knew should could ask if she needed anything.,. I.E if he needed a coat etc. I know theres been bad blood but LO comes first eh?
Just hope that the past doesn't have to 100% define the future.
Thanks a lot for your help
You've been great sweetie. Hope I can return the favor sometime.
I think next time he goes to see him, we'll send £20 cash and ask for some bank details. I mean we have savings for the LO, but it's different. She should have access to something in case she needs something for him. I wish she knew should could ask if she needed anything.,. I.E if he needed a coat etc. I know theres been bad blood but LO comes first eh?
Just hope that the past doesn't have to 100% define the future.
Thanks a lot for your help
You've been great sweetie. Hope I can return the favor sometime.
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surprisebaby
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Thats oK! Glad to be able to help in some way. Hope situation improves xx
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baby8
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I had to delete my old account as BnB didnt like me having a second. (Made a new one after pregnancy) So this is my new one Again, thanks for your help. x
Again, thanks for your help. x
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surprisebaby
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how are things now? Any improvements?
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Ceejay123
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I've only just revisited this old post - Everything messed up a while back because I had an account when I got pregnant (This one.) Lost the details when my LO was born, and made 'Cderrs123' because I couldn't log on. After contacting ADMIN they retrieved my old details and I'm on my proper account and deactivated all others .
This is an old post - Yes there have been some minor updates. Thank you for the support you gave it really did help me at the time when I was struggling and having a hard time with altering my life to suit my LO. x
.This is an old post - Yes there have been some minor updates. Thank you for the support you gave it really did help me at the time when I was struggling and having a hard time with altering my life to suit my LO. x
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