Update on our baby - adding info thurs. may 14

[AlwaysPraying]

I hate the fact that this is the best board for me. Right now baby is alive and growing, and growing strong. I just don't feel welcome on the 2nd tri board. I feel like I'd be a downer and bringing too much pain and fear to so many happy and hopeful girls.

Anyways, just wanted to update. I had the CVS today, it wasn't very nice at all. I don't want to get into details in case anyone else needs this procedure done. They can pm me if needed. It was hard, harder than I expected.

Babies bladder has grown a lot since last week. Again, they aren't sure if it's just this moment, or if it's continually growing. Something interesting though happened. They told me the heartbeat and said it was 165. I smiled and was surprised. Baby has always had a heartbeat between 185 and 190 this whole time. I thought to myself, "wow, that's actually something good, something positive". Then they told me that the bladder had grown larger again. I had this overwhelming feeling that the two are connected. Babies heart just can't keep up. It's slowing down, maybe. I have no idea if that's possible, but it just came over me.

I never wanted to go through a termination, I never wanted to go through any kind of "ending" procedure. Right from the start that's all I said, a natural miscarriage would be one thing, but for them to have to go in and take baby away is terrible. It seems likely that is our path right now. I hate to admit this, but at the least, if baby is passed on already, then God has come and the responsibility isn't on my shoulders anymore. I wish that I wanted to have this baby recover, it just seems so hopeless and far fetched that it's possible. I'm just hoping for an easy out at this point, for all of us involved. Maybe I'm just being cruelly hopeful, I don't know.

 

[Vickie]

 

[NickyT75]

I dont know what else to say hun im so sorry xx

 

[superp123]

 

[Shelby2007]

Im so sorry you are having to go through this sweetie.. I wish you all the luck in the world..

Thanks for updating us..

 

[catfromaus]

Thinking of you and your baby. I'm so sorry that you are having to go through all of this.

Lots of love,
Cat
xxx

 

[tinadecember]

i cant even imagine what you are going through... all the luck in the world xxx

 

[babytots]

thanks for updating us hun i understand completely sweetheart i know how hard this is for you and if your baby made the decsion for you it would be easier i know i wouldnt of been able to decide if jessica had fought on.

sorry to hear the cvs wasnt as easy as you hoped for i can imagine it must of been hard for you. more coming your way. x

 

[Aidedhoney]

Big hugs to you honey xxxxx

 

[CarCam]

No Mother should ever have to experience what you are going through.

I am so sorry.

 

[roadrunner]

My heart breaks for you in this situation. I have been faced with a similar decision and I remember begging God to not force me to decide. It seems like too much to bear. I am praying for you. I am terribly sorry you are going through this.

 

[Jem]

big hugs hun x

 

[malpal]

Thinking of you hun xx

 

[AlwaysPraying]

Thanks ladies. I'm just glad that CVS is over, it was so rough. I hate to say, but it's nice knowing I'm not alone in this. It feels so lonely. Your words mean so much to me right now. All I wanted was a somewhat normal pregnancy, a baby to call our own. Now it's so tainted, so almost horrifying. The pain is a lot to bear. I'll get through it and one way or another I'll have my family that I want, one day.

 

[Sovereign]

 

[soulsister]

Sweetie

Firstly, I am so sorry that you are going through this.

Have you seen fetal meds specialists? Have they given you any idea of a syndrome etc that could be causing this??

You dont have to reply to me, but perhaps it would help if they gave you more information.

I had an amnio at 21 weeks with my last pregnancy, it came back clear, but the scans showed massive anomolies with my little one. We then saw a geneticist who clearly outlined possible diagnosis, and the odds of survival for our little fella. In the weeks that it took for all this to happen , I regularly used to pray that he would make his own way out.

There is nothing wrong with how you feel.......just take the time you need to come to terms with all this. I know it hurts and you'll no doubt be asking "why me".

There are no answers, but if I can be of anyhelp, just ask

Wishing you peace at this difficult time

laura xx

 

[AlwaysPraying]

Thanks SoulSister. Yes, we're at the highest risk clinic in my area. Have talked with a perinatologist? It's a fetal specialist, who I THOUGH the pre natal drs are, but have come to learn that the pre natal drs take care of mom, and these perinatologists take care of the fetus in womb. Anyhow. I had the genetics test just yesterday (a CVS, which is an earlier version of an amnio) and had a great counseling session with a geneticist. She went over the exact things that you mentioned, possible outcomes and survival for life. The condition is called a lethal abnormality, it's an enlarged bladder in the baby, a heartbreakingly simple thing, baby can't pee for some reason. Genetics or natural occurrence they said it's just a bad bad luck thing that happened, but we will know a lot more soon enough.

I keep reminding myself baby is still alive right now. I'm already grieving it being gone. There's not much hope, but even the geneticist said there is some hope still. If the CVS comes back clear I have to go in two weeks to see the outcome of the bladder issue to see if it's damaged the kidneys or damaged anything else in that time.

 

[Sarah88]

All my thoughts are with you

 

[CarCam]

Thinking of you.

 

[Staceyxxx]