Vacation - out of line?

[fionar]

Ugh, I'm so not usually like this but I'm just really upset this morning.

Found out my parents (who are supposed to be there for the birth - my mom is a doula and my dad is a photographer - they were both there for my son's birth) are going out of town for a long weekend two weeks before I'm due. It's not just a little hour-away trip, it's more like a 6 hour drive.

I know I probably won't go in to labor then anyway, since my son wasn't born until just after his due date. That said, I had a very fast labor with him - 6 hours from nothing to baby being born, and it's unlikely they'd make it back in time for anything if they were there and I called them to say I was in labor.

Last time I didn't want my husband around while I was laboring, I just wanted my mom - she was my main support person for the majority of the labor.

I feel so selfish not wanting them to go (she said they're planning to cancel plans "if things seem imminent" - but last time things didn't seem imminent and then all of a sudden I was giving birth) but I'd feel horrible asking them not to and then not having the baby then anyway.

UGH. She'd have never gone out of town that far away two weeks before a doula client's due date, but she's okay with it for her daughter's? I'm just so nervous and am really upset at the thought of them missing the birth and me having no support and having no pictures and just nothing. I don't think I'm being unreasonable, but... what do I even do?

 

[havestar]

I wonder how your husband feels about you feeling like without your mom there you have no support. Is he really that bad? Is your dad taking pictures of the actual birth - not the baby afterwards? I don't think, if by some chance your baby did come 1.5 weeks early, waiting less than 6 hours for photos after the baby is born too bad. Your husband could fill in for pics with a digicam before that if necessary.

Maybe your mom thinks you and your husband could handle it if you went into labor early - and they did say they would cancel their trip if it seemed like you would - so IMHO it doesn't seem like a big deal.

I definitely don't think you should have your parent's cancel. Just make a back up plan in case they're not there. Tell your husband what you need and how you want it done. I'm sure everything will work out fine though. I've had 2 since my first, and none of them came early.

 

[fionar]

My dad did photos of the birth last time and was planning on it again this time. I'd be really disappointed not to have any, he got some lovely (and modest) shots.

My husband agrees that I wouldn't have the support I need if they're not there. He's not bad, the support he offers is just not what I need when I'm laboring. After a point I wanted him there, but for labor my mom was who I needed.

I look at it this way: if I'd hired a doula and a birth photographer and then found out they'd both be unavailable for four days two weeks before my due date, I'd be pretty pissed. Those are the roles my parents played for my last labor and the roles they promised to play this time. But because I'm not paying them I feel bad for being upset about it.

 

[babyface15]

ohh hun it's totally reasonable! is there any way they could go after the birth? if your mom is a doula she will probably be understanding if you express your anxieties about it!
my doula is going out of province and plans to be back when im 38 weeks. i'm also freaking out about it a bit, but I can imagine it's worse being your parents xoxo

 

[Mum2BKW]

perhaps you could explain how it's worrying you and ask if they could go away somewhere a bit closer, so it's not too long a drive back should anything happen?

 

[Annie77]

Your parents have booked this break knowing your due date and i think you need to respect their wishes. The fact they have done this makes me think they probably feel they need a holiday or break?

If you were paying a doula and photographer, then they have a duty to be available around the time of your birth but your parents don't. You are asking them to potentially spend 4 weeks (2 weeks either side) waiting around, putting their plans on hold to help you out when you have your husband there anyway. They have said they will cancel or cut short their trip if you go early and I think this is considerate enough.

 

[Kellya009]

My DHs parents are in Hawaii until 1 week before our due date. They booked it before we announced though so I can't really be mad.

I kinda hope she comes in that time as MIL is a bit overbearing when it comes to newborns! I will be glad to have my DH be my main support.