Want a child so bad, need to vent

[stpierrecog]

I just want to vent and be angry. I keep reading about my symptoms and I read people who just can't handle it to try for a 3rd month or 6th month. I have been ttc since 2006. I finally got pregnant in December 2011 and miscarried in February 2012. I am just so angry that people are getting down after 3 or 5 or even 8 months. I have been going through this tww for over 80 cycles. I think I am the one who can't take it anymore. I am beginning to think those who told me I didn't deserve a child were right. Why else would I be still going through this. I feel like I can't take anymore, I am a very very strong person and all I get dealt is hard hands. I have one good thing in my life my husband. Other than that never has any good things come my way. I just wish for once something wonderful would happen instead of pain and misery. I am fed up.

 

[Imalia]

I can understand completely how you feel. We've been ttc since 1997. It really does make you want to just give up doesn't it? I've thought those things so many times. But they're not right. I don't know you, but no one deserves to lose their baby, ever.

I can't even begin to count the number of times I have cried, and asked why, what did I do to deserve so much pain and suffering. There must be a reason for it. In more rational moments I know the world doesn't work like that. Sometimes there isn't a reason, and life is cruel and unfair.

Doesn't stop the feeling though, right? The feeling there has to be something you can make up for to put things right, something you did to make this happen to you. We're taught that good things come to good people, so we're convinced that we're just not being good enough.

I wish I could say or do something to ease your pain. I just wanted you to know you're not alone. I feel that so often, that I am in a group of one. Someone who tried so hard, for so long, and lost so much. It's a strange place to be. And the hardest part of it all is just wondering was that it? The only time I'll ever get pregnant and it was just taken all away. To have wanted for so long, to have gotten so close. To see your bliss within reach, finally, and then it's gone.

You can carry on. I have, and I do. You are stronger than you think, and until the day you can find your feet again, there are others of us out here who will carry you.

 

[lch28]

Gosh, i am so sorry for both of you..
I can not imagine ttc for that long and i totally understand getting annoyed at people who have been trying for a few months.. compared to years..

All i can say is I understand the need for a baby. I lost my baby girl at 23 weeks this February. Please don't believe that you don't deserve to have a baby!

 

[gnomette]

its awful that you have been trying that long i have no idea how that feels but i do understand the frustration at people moaning bout how long its taking so long to conceive an you have been trying for twice as long as you have xx have you been an had any testing done or to see if you can get any help!? really do feel for you x

 

[Imalia]

I have PCOS, but we weren't eligable for nhs treatment until I was 30. Just after my 30th birthday we got our referral, had all the tests done and were on the waiting list. Had the draw full of drugs ready for the start of monitored clomid cycles (natural cycles) when we found out we were expecting our angel. Naturally, after 12 years ttc.

We lost him at 20 weeks, and because we'd gotten pregnant naturally had to start all over again, ttc for 12 months before a referral, just going through all the tests and waiting again now, just had blood taken for chromosome testing a week or so ago.

 

[SabrinaKat]

Nobody should EVER make you feel like you don't deserve a child -- that's so unfair and cruel! I was trying for two years post mc and have my LO, I'm also 44 and know how incredibly lucky I am. Please do not give up hope. I had counselling after my mc (cognitive behavioural therapy) which really helped me to realise that my anger, sorrow and frustration were NORMAL. Obviously, I wasn't trying as long as some ladies, but I had been told (due to PCOS) that I couldn't have children and spent my 20s/30s not dealing with the issue -- and then spent months hating myself and my body because I couldn't get pregnant, was too old, etc.

best wishes (and hugs)

 

[Andypanda6570]

I am so sorry you are going through this and it is not fair
I already had 3 boys 20, 17 and 11 when I got pregnant by accident at 40. It was my little girl Ava ..I lost her at 20 weeks, I gave birth in my house. We buried her on 3/11/2011 and it has taken me a long time to be ok. I want to try again so bad but I am terrified and I will be 42 in June so that doesn't help. I wont be trying again though cause the fear is just to much for me. I hope all your dreams come true and I wish you all the best...XOXOO

 

[babylou]

I really feel for you. We started ttc in 2001 and were finally rewarded with our daughter in 2004. I was days away from starting tests in the hospital when I found out I was expecting.

DD is now nearly 8, and I have miscarried once and lost our dear little boy Sam last October at 15/16 weeks.

We are still trying....

Life is crap sometimes, all of our friends were having babies when we so desperately wanted one.

I feel blessed to have our dd, and for that reason I urge you not to give up hope.

Please stay strong...

love and hugs

 

[Tasha]

It is so very unfair.

I have been TTC since August 2008, and have had seven early miscarriages followed by Riley Rae being born sleeping in April 2011 and four early miscarirages since then

 

[Preggies]

You deserve to have a child and that's not why this is happening. If that were true, we wouldn't have all these crackheads having babies. I'm sure you've tried everything already, but what works for me is this: Have husband build up sperm until positive ovulation test (no releasing at all), then sex for 5 days once + test, each time after deep penetration lay with legs up against a wall for at least 45 minutes without letting any sperm spill out. This means you have to lay there naked or with a blanket so you dont give the sperm time to leak out by moving all around. Also, do Kegal exercises to pull the sperm closer to the egg. All these things together might help your chances. That is how I get pregnant. Oh yes and there is this stuff called AGNES CHASTES (health food stores). It's an herb that helps fertility. I took one pill and wound up pregnant, so I don't know.

 

[Imalia]

Preggies...

I have never heard such a steaming pile of horse crap in my entire life. Thank f-ck you came along to help us out, because all these years, I just couldn't figure it out on my own. Oh how I wish I had known all the heartache and disappointment was uneccessary if I had only heard your advice before.

Seriously, Why do people do this? Do they *really* think it's that simple? At this point I have tried every herb, suppliment, pill, potion, lotion, sex postition and old wives tale just in case there's any truth to any of it. Jesus H Christ, at this point I'm so damn desperate for any shred of hope if you told me swallowing down that horse crap mentioned earlier gave me a better chance at conceiving, well pass the manure, grubs up!

Who am I kidding, I just hate you because it *is* that simple for you.

 

[Andypanda6570]

Preggies...

I have never heard such a steaming pile of horse crap in my entire life. Thank f-ck you came along to help us out, because all these years, I just couldn't figure it out on my own. Oh how I wish I had known all the heartache and disappointment was uneccessary if I had only heard your advice before.

Seriously, Why do people do this? Do they *really* think it's that simple? At this point I have tried every herb, suppliment, pill, potion, lotion, sex postition and old wives tale just in case there's any truth to any of it. Jesus H Christ, at this point I'm so damn desperate for any shred of hope if you told me swallowing down that horse crap mentioned earlier gave me a better chance at conceiving, well pass the manure, grubs up!

Who am I kidding, I just hate you because it *is* that simple for you.

I have held my tongue for some time at her posts but now I am just pissed off. Preggies, maybe u don't know how u come across to people especially in here. If you have nothing nice and constructive to add, like at least giving condolences before you start your posts please rethink what you type

 

[gnomette]

ha ha ha i love it when i was younger i used to think it would be that easy i so wish it was x i hope you manage to fall naturally before you need a referal x sending you massive hugs x

 

[Blu_Butterfly]

Please don't think that you don't deserve a child. Some people don't deserve to have mouths, saying rubbish like that.

I understand exactly how you feel, having been TTC for 1 1/2 years and had a twin miscarriage. It is such a frustrating journey and no one knows how it feels unless they've been through it.

The one thing I would advise is to find a doctor who will listen and who cares. I was fortunate enough to have a compassionate OB who referred me to a specialist after only trying for 6 months. She didn't care what the experts recommended, instead she saw the hurt in my eyes and actually looked at me as a person, not just a patient. I am so grateful for her. She referred me to one of the best fertility specialists in the area and I'm happy to say that I'm 18w3d with my rainbow baby.

Please don't give up hope or think that you don't deserve a baby. Every woman does.