want to give up...

[buzzy]

I'm not feeling too great, I'm afraid. I don't want to rant, but I just feel useless. I really wish that I had never decided to try and breastfeed as I just feel that it's not working properly and I get really upset about it. I'm probably just making matters worse, aren't I?

I've tried everything: fenugreek tea, plus am drinking at least 2L of water a day (excluding drinks at mealtimes) and have a breast pump which I have been using to express when Indiana is asleep, for example.
Well, she's never satisfied and with the pump, I only seem to get 60mls maximum and that's after pumping on both breasts.
It's pathetic and I think if i continue to feel negative about it I'm going to succumb to PND. I did an online PND assessment and got 11/30 so nothing major... yet.

I think what hasn't helped is my mum. She has put pressure on me big time and is anti bottles and anti formula and seems to be really good at making me feel like I'm a total failure.
She goes on and on about not giving formula to Indiana, but what else am I supposed to do with a baby which is screaming because she's hungry?

The worst thing is that my mum told me a couple of days ago, that she recommended to my sister (whose baby is now 2 months and one week old and weighs over 6kgs and is quite greedy) that she should give her baby a formula top-up just before bedtime.

I'm really beginning to wish I'd never embarked on the BF route as I feel totally let down by my body.
A friend of mine whose baby was born on 22nd March has suffered from Anorexia, is painfuly thin, didn't eat properly during her pregnancy and doesn't eat properly now. She's breastfeeding and has so much milk that she has to throw lots of it away. That makes me really mad!!!

Sorry to rant....

 

[Samantha675]

There is nothing wrong with giving your daughter a bottle of formula if it is going to give you a break and allow you to relax a bit. All new babies are always hungry, they have tiny tummys, and BM breaks down really quickly, and they are growing sooo quickly that it makes for a very hungry baby. Those hungry ques tell your body to produce more milk, but at the end of the day, there is only so much milk you can produce. It is really hard starting out hun, but it does get easier. I think you should tell your mother that while you appreciate all her advice, you have to do with is best for you and your baby. She raised her babies already, now it is your turn to do it as you see fit. One bottle of formula is not going to ruin anything, and you know if you decide to stop BFing, and switch to formula, there is nothing wrong with that either.

 

[ryder]

Dont worry, hun! There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with giving your baby formula. The most important things are that your baby is fed, cuddled and loved, and that you are both happy.

Stressing about breastfeeding when you dont want to do it is totally unecessary, and stress will affect your supply, as well as negative feelings towards bfing. Dont let your mom bully you into anything you dont want to do.

I tried bfing and it simply did not work for my baby and I... she is completely happy and healthy.

 

[buzzy]

Reading the thread "how do you breastfeed" makes me wonder whether Indiana feeds for long enough.
She usually feeds for about 20 mins on each breast and the midwives at the hospital told me that any longer than 20 mins at a time is pointless.
I wonder whether I should just let her feed until she's ready to stop of her own accord each time? If this is the case then I'm probably going to become a living couch potato...

Thanks for your support, girls! I feel so much better already.

 

[ryder]

yes, what i've been told is you just need to let them feed as much as they want when they are newborns, it will help your supply if you do that...Get a sling and once you get good with the latch you can go out and about etc so you arn't tied to the couch.

 

[Samantha675]

Your LO is brand new, so I would say that 20 per side is not enough a lot of times. I remember Brenn would nurse for longer than that, especially in the evenings. You will be be spending lots of time on the sofa, or in bed, but trust me when I say that the time will pass, and sometime in the near future you will miss those days, oh boy do I. I would let Brenn nurse for as long as he wanted. If he fell asleep, I would either leave him, or remove him and if he woke and rooted, then I just latched him back on. The first 6 week or so of BFing is really hard. It takes a lot of time, and effort on both your parts, but once you make it past those days, it gets soo much easier, and it totally worth the effort. Right now, I would say that when your LO fusses, if her diaper is not dirty, then offer her the boob. That is what I did in the beginning.

 

[Alexas Mommy]

20 minutes doesn't seem long enough.. I don't know why someone would tell you that anything over 20 minutes is pointless, as a baby under 6 months, is supposed to feed on demand.

I do agree with Ryder though, if it is not in your heart that you want to breast feed, there is nothing wrong with formula feeding-YOU make YOUR decisions-it is tough in the first couple months, and it does get better, but if it is causing you problems such as depression, know that you are NOT a failure, and that it is okay to choose to bottle feed. Whatever you decide, we are all here to help and support you!

 

[nataliecn]

you're doing great hun! it is tough some days! i breastfed for 2 weeks, and although in some ways, formula feeding is so much easier, i do wish i had have stuck with the bf'ing as I miss that bond with my little man!

try not to stress yourself out about it, as ryder said it can affect your supply if you get really stressed. i'd keep trying the bf'ing. if you find that you're still struggling, don't feel bad for switching. don't let anyone tell you it's bad to feed your little one formula!

there are some amazing girls on here that are pros! if you really want to stick with it, and you need some advice/help, you should talk to MervsMum! She has lots of great advice to give out, and she may just have some of the answers your looking for!



you're doing great hun!

 

[Hope22]

BFing is HARD for many of us at the start. I agree, let your LO feed on demand - when she wants, as long as she wants. It will help your supply to adjust. If you can't keep up with her, there's nothing wrong with giving her a bottle of formula - lots of women supplement, or switch to FF full-time, and their babies do really well.

I supplement occasionally, and still feed my LO on cue; I don't limit him to certain times or amounts and he's actually working out a schedule all on his own. For me BF was not all sunshine and roses, in fact the first six weeks were hell. I had cracked, caked, bleeding nipples and a preemie that wouldn't/couldn't latch, he was so weak he could only feed for a few minutes at a time so we spent HOURS on the couch at a time... it really does get better after the first while. At two months it was still pretty rough, at three months I could see light at the end of the tunnel, and nearing six months we're a well-oiled team. It's not right for everyone, but I'm really glad I didn't give up either of the two times I nearly did.

Incidentally, this may sound odd, but if your friend is expressing milk and discarding it, how would you feel about supplementing with her milk rather than formula? There are actually milk banks in some places (she could think about donating) where women give their extra milk, mainly for preemies in the hospital AFAIK.

 

[buzzy]

Thank you all for your support and words of advice. I don't actually WANT to give up but I've just felt really down these last couple of weeks.
I will try to continue and will do the feed on demand technique and se how that works. At the moment I simply cannot keep up with Indiana (she's 5 weeks, by the way).

Hope22 that's a great idea about supplementing with my friends' milk, but unforutnately she's about 3 hrs drive away.
There ARE milk banks in France but my friend says she can' be bothered to dontate. This makes me doubly mad as she could be saving the lives of premature babies...

 

[Samantha675]

I remember feeling the same way hun. It is only natural. Your body is suddenly having to adjust to sooo many changes at once, changes in hormone level, changes in the demands a new baby makes, it is soooo hard. Hang in there and remember you are doing a wonderful thing!

 

[Superfee]

I just wanted to say well done for sticking with it for this long, it can be really tough.

My son was born at 31 weeks, and was tube fed for the first 5 weeks. During this time I expressed every 3-4hrs and the volume varied from 60ml - 100ml depending on the time of day. Babies are much more efficient at getting milk from the breast though, so I wouldn't worry about the expressing volume too much. Is your baby gaining weight, I'd say that's a more important measure, along with plenty of wet nappies?

Feeding on demand is a slog, but it's the best way. My son is just over 5lbs now and feeds probably every 2.5hrs on average, however, sometimes it can be every hour. His feeds can vary from 20 mins to 1hr. I'm only feeding him on one breast per feed at the moment to ensure he's getting the hind milk. It's possible, if you're switching breasts too soon, that baby is only getting foremilk which will not satisfy her hunger for long.

Anyway, you're doing a wonderful job. Good luck with feeding on demand.

 

[lottiemum]

I felt exactly the same, I had my daughter under GA c-section and I think this delayed my milk coming in so I didn't find breast feeding easy and she was never satisfied. I was in tears everyday as I felt like a faliure as a mum and couldn't feed my baby properly. I also felt allot of pressure from the all the magazines, friends, family, health visitors etc etc that breast was best. My midwife was brilliant she said she didn't care how I feed my baby breast or bottle just as long as I was happy, she said a happy mummy means a happy baby. I lasted a week breast feeding until it just got too much after my baby was on me for a 5 hour stretch and my OH put his (clean) finger in her mother and she nearly sucked it off she was so hungry. From that point on we went on formula and haven't looked back. Do what's right for YOU and your baby, ignore everyone else!!