What are your access arrangements?

[MissDee-89]

Me and fob will be living over 100 miles apart, im moving back to suffolk while he stays in kent.
I'll be breastfeeding for 2 years and hes fine just seeing the baby at mine during this time, he will be sleeping on the sofa bed every weekend. As he lives so far away and works mon-fri and sometimes saturdays, how often should he be having lo? He doesnt have his own place, he lives in a shared house and going to his mothers is out of the question.
If he got his own place in 2 years would every other weekend be ok or should he have every weekend?

I'd never stop him seeing lo but I dont want him sleeping at mine every weekend for the next 10 years, I dont mean to be selfish but it'd be like we never broke up iykwim

 

[Louisandemma]

At the moment I have an eight week old little girl. My ex barely lets me see her - Once every 10 days- two weeks. I'm thinking of going to court because I believe a child needs their father more than that.

What access is your ex asking for?

 

[MissDee-89]

He hasnt asked for anything. We are getting along fine and im ok with him staying over every weekend while the baby is young and breastfeeding but I have no idea what we will do after that.

Think he thinks he will stay over mine indefinately. This is ok but eventually I might start dating- ages from now btw. And I need my own space, obviously there are reasons we arent together and its going to be hard living with him fridays-sundays.

Sorry you are having a tough time, I think at that age you should get a few hours at least once a week, might be more. Are you on the birth certificate?

 

[Louisandemma]

No not as of yet - She's refused. Another reason I'm thinking of court. I understand I can't ask to take Emma away from her Mum at such a young age, but I think I should be allowed supervised contact to build a relationship

 

[MissDee-89]

Yeah, you definately should. Contact a solicitor and see what they say, they will probably offer a mediation and if she isn't co-operative then it will go to court.
Do you give her maintenance?

 

[Louisandemma]

I'm a student, but I do give her £15 a week. (x

 

[LankyDoodle]

He has her from Fri night to Weds morn (she is at nursery Mon to Thurs) every other week. She is 3 next month and we split last year.

It will soon change to every other Fri night to Mon am and every Weds pm, as the usual arrangement is not working (only been in place since Jan as he refused to have her weekends until then), and the new arrangement is more like what a court would put in place.

We haven't been to court re custody and don't plan to.

He earns 22880 (plus overtime, plus £1000 cash) a year. My daughter gets £37.14 per week maintenance and he also pays for her Waterbabies lessons. His mum pays for one of her nursery days (£37) each week.

 

[LankyDoodle]

Louisandemma - you should go to a solicitor, like my new partner had to do.

He has a little boy and was not allowed (by the mum) to see the child. He went 9 weeks with no contact, then went to a solicitor and was given 2 hours a week which gradually built up to what should now be one day a week. In practise he doesn't get a day a week and should actually get more than that anyway, so he is going back to court.

Good luck x

 

[MissDee-89]

Thanks, my ex will be coming to mine every weekend until baby is 2ish, then every other weekend at his, if he has moved out of the shared house by then. Is that enough? We will live so far apart and he wouldn't be able to have lo during the week because of work.

 

[Natsku]

I think every other weekend when she is 2ish is good with some skype contact in between times to keep him in her mind more to help their relationship. I went to mediation just before Maria turned 2 and was told its important for the child to have some kind of visual and talking contact (skype or visit) every week.

Our arrangements are a bit weird, first weekend and last weekend of the month (friday afternoon til monday afternoon) and 3rd week (monday afternoon til friday afternoon) of each month because he wouldn't agree to every other weekend but it'll change when she starts daycare or school as he lives too far away to take her to daycare/school (2 and a half hour drive)

 

[Elizax]

No not as of yet - She's refused. Another reason I'm thinking of court. I understand I can't ask to take Emma away from her Mum at such a young age, but I think I should be allowed supervised contact to build a relationship

Why hasn't she put you on the birth certificate? Sounds like she doesn't want you to have any rights and it's always an easy way for her to keep the child from you.

You'd need to court order her to provide a sample from LO to do a DNA to prove your the father, then your name WILL go on the birth certificate no questions asked. If you take her to court for custody without your name on it, she can just say you aren't the father.

 

[wishuwerehere]

My daughter is 3. She goes to his for 2 nights every 2-3 wekks and has a longer visit (4-5 nights) 6 times a year during school holidays (he's a teaching assistant). Our arrangements are quite flexible as our break up and current relationship is surface amicable.
When she was younger he didn't have her overnight till she was 14 or 15 months old, then he's only had her for 2 nights or more since she was 2.
He doesn't pay me maintenance but he lives 3hrs away and i expect him to do all transporting her to and fro which is a significant cost for him on a ta's salary and i think proves his financial commitment to her.

 

[fairydust87]

LO is 10 months old. He sees his dad every weekend and 2-3 evenings a week. Works out great. FOB works 10 hr days but always makes sure he sees LO

 

[Shezza84uk]

He see them anytime he wants at my house and sometimes takes our eldest out for the day, he calls to find out my plans for the day and I often shuffle things around to allow him to see them. He has access all areas of my house when he is here because my daughter goes from room to room, he bakes with her, bath them, tuck them in bed when he wishes. This works right now because my daughter has special needs so suffers separation anxiety where overnights are concerned so she will not stay with anyone at nights I do this for a peaceful life and for my children. He has moments when he is not consistent but this could be due to his job I take everything he says with a pintch of salt! he pays maintanance so doing his part X

 

[Mummy1995]

We have no arrangements.