What do I tell my toddler to do when another child gets physical with her?

[jessmke]

My DD spends a lot of time around other children and is generally very laid back. Sometimes other kids take toys from her and she occasionally gets upset about this, if the other parent doesn't notice and give the toy back to her then I just tell her that I know it is frustrating when it happens, but there are lots of toys so it's best to just go find something else to play with. And she always just goes and finds another toy without any drama. Now that she's 2 some of the kids at playgroups are starting to get a bit physical, pushing and occasionally hitting, and I'm not sure what to tell my DD as far as how to respond to these situations. Today a little boy pushed her, she stumbled back a few steps and just stood there looking at him. The boys mom headed over to stop it, but before she got there he pushed DD again. She again just stood and looked at him. She didn't cry or react at all really, but I could tell she was uncomfortable and wasn't really sure what to do. Once the boy's mom removed him she came over and played with a toy next to me and sort of kept her eye on the boy but otherwise didn't seem bothered by the altercation. She has so far handled herself quite well, but I guess I'm worried that she might start to hit or push back, or by not reacting at all she might just stand there and get beat up! She is really small for her age, she weighs the same as my 5 month old and a lot of my friend's 1 year olds are bigger than her, so I think she gets picked on a little bit because she is so teeny. I have so far just let the situations play themselves out, but I feel like I need to start talking to my DD about it when it happens but I have no idea what to tell her!

 

[laura109]

Aw bless her! My little girl is exactly the same. She's not at nursery and spends her days with me and at playgroup sometimes. As a parent it's horrible seeing them being pushed about and snatched from and feeling limited to solve the situation. It's hard when there's a room full of toddlers because they are so rubbish at sharing and each parent has different ways. Some just sit there or don't watch their children. Others correct. I think its good to say to your daughter that she's a good girl and that pushing is naughty etc. Feel free to nicely say to the other child to not push please or smile (through gritted teeth) haha and say can you give her that back please. One day she will probably react if she really wants to keep the toy I've found occasionally my dd does that now. Unfortunately I think it's all part of the playgroup and nursery situation and it happens. Alot of the snatchy ones at ours also have siblings so they are used to rougher play or used to mixing more so than my dd. It's horrible though when you see there little faces when they are shooved about by another child. I actually stopped seeing a friend for a long time as her 2.5 year old was constantly terrorising my nine month old and not being corrected. I feared she would eventually cause her harm so I put my daughter first until that child got bigger. (totally different but want you to know I get how hard it is), x

 

[petite ping]

When this happened to DD1, I told her to shout "NO" and "STOP IT" really loudly. For me it is important that she expressed strongly the fact that she didn't like being pushed so that the other child would at least understand that it was no longer a game for the DD1. If the other kid continued she should walk away and in the worst case she should push them back. Unfortunately DD1 was a bit timid when confronted with aggression from other kids so it was difficult for her to react - funny enough if someone did that to DD2 or one of her friends she would be the first to defend them.

DD2 never had this problem because she is quite vocal when kids (even bigger kids) annoyed her.

I think it is important to teach kids to react to other kids aggression as at school and even preschool, the teachers are not always able to see everything that is going on (there are 30 kids in each class at my DDs preschool) and often when victim is passive, continuous acts of aggression go unnoticed and unreported as the victim is unsure if it is part of a game.

 

[jessmke]

When this happened to DD1, I told her to shout "NO" and "STOP IT" really loudly. For me it is important that she expressed strongly the fact that she didn't like being pushed so that the other child would at least understand that it was no longer a game for the DD1. If the other kid continued she should walk away and in the worst case she should push them back. Unfortunately DD1 was a bit timid when confronted with aggression from other kids so it was difficult for her to react - funny enough if someone did that to DD2 or one of her friends she would be the first to defend them.

DD2 never had this problem because she is quite vocal when kids (even bigger kids) annoyed her.

I think it is important to teach kids to react to other kids aggression as at school and even preschool, the teachers are not always able to see everything that is going on (there are 30 kids in each class at my DDs preschool) and often when victim is passive, continuous acts of aggression go unnoticed and unreported as the victim is unsure if it is part of a game.

This is what happened at our workout class, one of the kids just kept following DD around and taking everything she was playing with. DD was being so calm and just kept going to find a different toy, but it happened over and over again for 45 min until DD just gave up and came and sat on the floor next to where I was working out and didn't play with anything. Because she was so calm and quiet about it the mom of the other kid didn't even notice it was happening. I talked with the other mom about it and it has been resolved, but I could see how it could go unnoticed in a classroom situation for sure.

We have a playgroup this morning so when we get there I will tell DD that if anyone shoves or hits her to say 'No!' and walk away, and if the kid follows here then she should come find me. She certainly doesn't have trouble saying 'No!' when other kids try to play with her little brother, and will scream and chase them down if they take his toys, but she doesn't have the same fire when it comes to protecting herself!