What kind of phase is this? Please tell me it's a phase

[misspriss]

So DD is 9.5 months. The past two weeks she has lost interest in any and everything that isn't me. She quit taking naps anywhere but on a person. When she is not napping, she might play with something for 10 minutes or so, but then it's back to screaming at my feet. I mean SCREAMING. What usually sets it off is me going in the other room to do something, pee, change a shirt, etc - she starts crying because I left the room and NEVER STOPS, even when I come back, play with her, etc. She will not be happy again. I can't do laundry, I can't do dishes, I can't clean the bathroom. I can't do anything but sit down and hold her because my back is killing me and I can't carry her around or wear her in the carrier or anything.

She is screaming at me right now. She took a 2 hour nap, spent 15 minutes in the high chair eating lunch, spent 10 minutes in the floor playing, and now she is inconsolable. She has a clean diaper. She is fed. She is nursed. She's had a nap. She has plenty of toys.

 

[misspriss]

I mean seriously, she was happy playing with a toy sitting in my lap. I thought since she was happy I could set her down on the ground with the same toy. Nope, immediate screaming.

I can't get anything done. I'm behind on chores. The laundry is piled up. The dishes are piled up. I'm overwhelmed. DH is working 11-12 hour days, 6 days a week....

 

[Rainbow82]

This is similar to my DS st the moment, not so much screaming but whinging and clinging. It started just after nine months and coincided with him starting his settling in sessions at nursery and me going back to work this week. We go to a local playgroup and I used to set him down and watch him crawl off and play barely ever checking back at me. Last week he spent the whole time stood or sat facing me or climbing on me and crying if anyone else so much as looked st him. He is spending a lot of time in the sling at the moment or standing up clinging to my legs. I had to attach a toy to my jeans earlier so that it Hong down low enough for him to stand and play with it while clinging to me just so I could wash up.
He is ten months now and I have started noticing some improvements the last few days with him crawling aboutvthebroom and climbing everything again but only as long as he knows I'm there. I hope it's a phase lol.

 

[misspriss]

This is similar to my DS st the moment, not so much screaming but whinging and clinging. It started just after nine months and coincided with him starting his settling in sessions at nursery and me going back to work this week. We go to a local playgroup and I used to set him down and watch him crawl off and play barely ever checking back at me. Last week he spent the whole time stood or sat facing me or climbing on me and crying if anyone else so much as looked st him. He is spending a lot of time in the sling at the moment or standing up clinging to my legs. I had to attach a toy to my jeans earlier so that it Hong down low enough for him to stand and play with it while clinging to me just so I could wash up.
He is ten months now and I have started noticing some improvements the last few days with him crawling aboutvthebroom and climbing everything again but only as long as he knows I'm there. I hope it's a phase lol.

Thanks. I think it is a developmental phase that has something to do with separation anxiety or something. I'm glad I'm not the only one!

It seems magnified when DS is out of the house and it's just me and DD (DS is 3, he goes to mother's day out and to grandma's). When he is here, she seems happy to play for a bit longer.

 

[Rainbow82]

Hopefully it won't be a long phase for either of us, DS is showing some improvement thank goodness because he has also started waking a lot in the night and it's exhausting lol.

 

[misspriss]

If it's not one thing, it's another.

My potty trained son has started having accidents at school for some reason too...

I'm just going mad lately.

 

[Button#]

Completely normal and annoying! It is a phase and it will pass and all you can really do to help it is just give lots of reassurance. I hope it passes quickly for you.

 

[MindUtopia]

It's separation anxiety. It's really normal at that age. It's when they are developing the cognitive concept that the two of you are separate, but don't yet have the perception of object permanence (that things still exist even if you can't see them). Up until now, she essentially thought you were the same person. Now she realises that you are two different people and if you are gone, she no longer has you. But she can't yet realise that you still exist when you walk into the other room. Literally, you setting her down and leaving her essentially means she will never see you and again you are gone forever. That's why they get upset. It's the realisation that you can be gone and you might not come back. Once they develop object permanence, which is usually closer to a year, they can still picture you even when you're in the next room and feel reassured and safe that you'll return soon.

Basically she just needs to be close to you. Give her cuddles. Make sure she feels secure. Hold her more than you normally would and be really responsive and reassuring with her. Take her with you instead of leaving her when you go to the kitchen. Closeness and connection to you is as much a physical need as food, if not more important. It really doesn't last forever. We went through a phase of it from maybe 8/9 months and then one day at 11 months, my daughter just woke up and was a totally different baby, really calm, confident and outgoing. I could leave her to play happily while I went to another room. The more secure you can make her feel as she goes through it, the easier it will be to work through it and come out the other end.