What should I do? So scared and upset...

[LapinRose]

I had an ultrasound yesterday and baby was about a week behind, measuring only 8 weeks and 4 days. It was hard to see it, so the nurse switched to a better machine to try to see the heartbeat. The next machine showed nothing, no flicker that should be there. I was rushed upstairs to the really high tech ultrasound machine and the experienced tech and again, no heartbeat. My fiancé and I were in tears. They asked me what I wanted to do: wait it out, take pills to help it progress, or a d and c. I am terrified of all options. I just wish my baby would come back :'( please help me with advice. I know they're going to call me today ask what I decided on....

 

[wookie130]

First and foremost, I am so very sorry for your loss.

Honestly, it is a deeply personal experience that only you can make.

There are some pro's and con's to each option, although I've had both a natural miscarriage, and a D&C, but have not done the oral medication. With a natural miscarriage, there are a lot of uncertainties. You don't know when it will begin, or what to expect from your body, or how long it will take... You also don't know if you'll miscarry completely, or end up needing a D&C anyway to avoid infection. With a D&C, it is over immediately, and you can focus on healing physically and emotionally right away. However, this is an issue for some women, and they would rather work through the miscarriage in the privacy of their own home, as naturally as possible. D&C does pose a risk of some scarring in your uterus and the possibility of developing pelvic adhesions, although the risk is low with one procedure, and not terribly likely. It's a very simple outpatient procedure that you won't remember, with little discomfort (other than the need to rest, and to take it easy for a day or two) afterwards.

I honestly don't know much about the pill.

Whatever you decide, we're here for you. And again, I'm very sorry for your loss. Miscarriage is one of the toughest things I've experienced, but after having 2 consecutive losses...

If you are planning on trying again in the future, know that the vast majority of women who have had a miscarriage can go on to have future successful pregnancies. I know you wanted THIS baby...it's so difficult. But I want to tell you that there is a lot of hope for you in your journey, if that is what you're planning to pursue.

 

[Spudtastic]

Hi lapin
I am really sorry for your loss.
Wookies post pretty much sums it up but I just wanted to tell you my experience in case it helps you.

I have had two natural miscarriages, one early mc which was just like a heavy period and an mc at 8 weeks. The one at 8 weeks was spontaneous but I think baby didn't get passed 5 weeks as I never got sIck. It was a heavy clotty period but I had contractions and what I would describe as early labour pains for 18 hours. I found it incredibly healing and it was something I could do for my baby when I failed to grow my baby.
so with my next pregnancy, when I found out at my 12 week scan that my bebaby had died at 9+3 I was adamant I was going to wait and miscarry naturally for the same reasons as before. After 5 weeks of waiting I started to bleed. The bleeding went in for two more weeks. Then I was told to have a d&c. I was so scared to have a general anesthetic but it was physically easy. It was so much easier than a natural mc. I also found out I probably would never have miscarried naturally. The 7 weeks of waiting after that 12 week scan caused me to slip into a deeper depression than I think I would have if the mc had happened sooner. I think if I'd just had the d&c I could have moved on more easily.
I'm not saying that this will happen as I think I was an unusual case. I'm just saying that if you wait it can be a long one.

I also never had the medication.

I hope that whatever you decide that it goes well for you. Remember if you do decide to wait it out you can change your mind later.

 

[lilmisscaviar]

I'm so sorry for your loss You have my deepest condolences, as I've been there and done that three times now. I've personally never done the pills because of the nasty side effects they can cause but I've had experience in the other ways.

My first natural I passed the sac and bled for about a week but ended up needing a D&C because of retained tissue that was making my period late. We were also ready to start ttc asap so I didn't want to wait it out for the tissue to either get re-absorbed by my body or bled out with my next period.

My second was a mmc discovered at what should have been an early second trimester scan but baby only measured 7.5 weeks and had no heartbeat. I chose the D&C option because I didn't want to "see" anything. It was easy and I was out the same day. I was told to take it easy for the first 48 hours but after that I could go back to my usual activities. No worrying about excessive bleeding or needing to run to the bathroom to change my pad every hour.

My third mc was just discovered at my early scan. The baby didn't have a hb at the first scan or the second follow-up scan so they told me to prepare for the worst. I was in a bit of denial about a third loss in a row and decided to let things happen naturally. I began to have a bit of labor-like contractions at 11 PM on June 21st. By 1 AM I felt the urge to push so I went to the toilet. I passed everything in two big gushes of blood. That was it this time. The bleeding stopped by morning and I haven't had any since.

These were my experiences. Obviously every woman is different and no two incidents, as you've read, will be the same. I'm sorry you have to go through this