When Your Kid's Friends Aren't Nice!
- Thread starter Wobbles
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seoj
Our family of four...
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Absolutely I have with my oldest... she's 17 now. But when younger, she had some friends I was not "happy" about... like friends that were rule breakers, or tried to get her to do things (she knew better of course)- etc... and some worse as she got older.
I was always honest- but allowed her to make up her mind (generally speaking) about which friends she had. And she is just that kid that is very loving and has a "parenting" style to her- so she wants to help/fix things for people. Which, as sweet as it is, isn't her job. She can't change someome by mearly being their friend and encouraging better behavior- although she tried! I think I was the same at her age- and kinda the steady and reasonable voice for my friends. Still am really- but on a different level.
We handled things situation by situation. If the friend was respectful of HER and treated her well- then we just made it clear she was responsible for her own actions (no matter what)- that we had to trust HER to make good choices. Which normally she did- not always, but she's a good kid with good instincts (even for a teenager!). So because we trusted her...there was some leway. There were times though we said 'no sleep-overs at the specific friends house'- due to lack of parental supervision, poor choices etc... but they were allowed at our house as long as they were respectful of our rules.
In time- as she grew... she understood better what friends were worth keeping, and which ones had to take their own path without her. I'm actually very proud of her for it. And even now, with good friends (even though some make stupid decisions now and again)- she is her OWN person. Very strong willed and self assured
At the end of the day- I think those values are important... some by nature and some by nurture.
I was always honest- but allowed her to make up her mind (generally speaking) about which friends she had. And she is just that kid that is very loving and has a "parenting" style to her- so she wants to help/fix things for people. Which, as sweet as it is, isn't her job. She can't change someome by mearly being their friend and encouraging better behavior- although she tried! I think I was the same at her age- and kinda the steady and reasonable voice for my friends. Still am really- but on a different level.
We handled things situation by situation. If the friend was respectful of HER and treated her well- then we just made it clear she was responsible for her own actions (no matter what)- that we had to trust HER to make good choices. Which normally she did- not always, but she's a good kid with good instincts (even for a teenager!). So because we trusted her...there was some leway. There were times though we said 'no sleep-overs at the specific friends house'- due to lack of parental supervision, poor choices etc... but they were allowed at our house as long as they were respectful of our rules.
In time- as she grew... she understood better what friends were worth keeping, and which ones had to take their own path without her. I'm actually very proud of her for it. And even now, with good friends (even though some make stupid decisions now and again)- she is her OWN person. Very strong willed and self assured
At the end of the day- I think those values are important... some by nature and some by nurture.I think I've come across this a couple of times. My son is only 5 so anything could happen, these children that I think are a bit too wild may not be in a yr or 2.... like the article says, at that age the child could grow out of it.
But you know, when you just know that that child will be a bad influence even in 10yrs time. You can sort of just tell.
My son is no angel, but he is empathetic. We are bringing him up to be respectful to people and their feelings, just like we are with him. He has his moments of wildness, and although we have yet to meet another child friend of his to be purposefully mean or horrid, I have met children who just seem to have something about them which means they are okay now, but I reckon they'll be a bad influence in a few yrs time.
But you know, when you just know that that child will be a bad influence even in 10yrs time. You can sort of just tell.
My son is no angel, but he is empathetic. We are bringing him up to be respectful to people and their feelings, just like we are with him. He has his moments of wildness, and although we have yet to meet another child friend of his to be purposefully mean or horrid, I have met children who just seem to have something about them which means they are okay now, but I reckon they'll be a bad influence in a few yrs time.
