Who did you have in the room with you?

[MrsKChicago]

Thank you everyone for your responses! It's so interesting reading about all the different experiences. I'll be telling him tomorrow, but I've given this a lot of thought beforehand. I personally just don't think I'd be comfortable with the father being there, but does he have some sort of right to be there if he wants to be? :S

I think, as long as there are no extenuating issues (abuse, refusal to take responsibility, etc), he has the right to visit after the baby is born. Anything else is up to you. Normally, I'd be a little more flexible, at least about visits during the labor but not pushing part, but there's lots of evidence that labor is harder on the mom in a stressful environment, and I feel very strongly that mom gets to do anything in her power to make her environment less stressful, and that definitely includes deciding who is and isn't invited into the room. I wouldn't risk stalling labor and inviting complications to be nice or "fair."

 

[nmpjcp2015]

I'm going to have my husband and my sister. He might be a little squeamish, but I want him in there if he can stand it, and my sister is my best friend in the whole world. She makes me feel calm and collected, and she's also good at getting sh*t done. I want her there to boss people around if needed. Lol.

 

[Kiwiberry]

Thank you everyone for your responses! It's so interesting reading about all the different experiences. I'll be telling him tomorrow, but I've given this a lot of thought beforehand. I personally just don't think I'd be comfortable with the father being there, but does he have some sort of right to be there if he wants to be? :S

Yes he certainly has the right to be there. Just because he does not carry the baby for 9 months does not mean he is any less of a parent to the baby. He has just as much of a right to be around the baby as you do.

 

[mara16jade]

Thank you everyone for your responses! It's so interesting reading about all the different experiences. I'll be telling him tomorrow, but I've given this a lot of thought beforehand. I personally just don't think I'd be comfortable with the father being there, but does he have some sort of right to be there if he wants to be? :S

Yes he certainly has the right to be there. Just because he does not carry the baby for 9 months does not mean he is any less of a parent to the baby. He has just as much of a right to be around the baby as you do.

I don't quite agree with this.

OP - There is no LEGAL right that he has to be in the room with you. It is totally up to you. And I agree with a PP that you need to do whatever makes YOU comfortable and most at ease. If you're fine with the father being there to visit during labor but not pushing, ok. But if he wants to be there for pushing, and you do not want him to...well...tough cookies for him. Its your body and its a very private matter in my mind (not too many people get to see my goodies, and no way would I let someone who I don't want to be there see me in all my glory!). I barely wanted to doctors to look.

 

[tinkerbelle93]

Thank you everyone for your responses! It's so interesting reading about all the different experiences. I'll be telling him tomorrow, but I've given this a lot of thought beforehand. I personally just don't think I'd be comfortable with the father being there, but does he have some sort of right to be there if he wants to be? :S

Yes he certainly has the right to be there. Just because he does not carry the baby for 9 months does not mean he is any less of a parent to the baby. He has just as much of a right to be around the baby as you do.

I don't quite agree with this.

OP - There is no LEGAL right that he has to be in the room with you. It is totally up to you. And I agree with a PP that you need to do whatever makes YOU comfortable and most at ease. If you're fine with the father being there to visit during labor but not pushing, ok. But if he wants to be there for pushing, and you do not want him to...well...tough cookies for him. Its your body and its a very private matter in my mind (not too many people get to see my goodies, and no way would I let someone who I don't want to be there see me in all my glory!). I barely wanted to doctors to look.

Yes this, I'm pretty sure even if you're married your husband doesn't have any 'rights' to be in the room if you're not comfortable with it, ultimately it's down to you and I could completely understand someone who isn't in a relationship with their FOB to want them outside the room x

 

[Kiwiberry]

It has nothing to do with whether or not its legal, but everything to do with the fact that its his child too. More often than not women act like its only their child when it takes two people to make a baby. Obviously there are situations where it would not be a good thing, like if the father was abusive, or anything of the sort but to deny him the chance to see his own child be born just because you want to, well that is just selfish and really low.

I doubt allowing the father of your child in the room with you has anything to do with "comfort" (unless its an abusive relationship). I mean after all, you had sex and they saw you naked probably more than once. If you feel comfortable with total strangers (medical staff) seeing you give birth, then there is no reason to feel uncomfortable with the father of the baby. The only reason to be like that is because you are a selfish person and want to feel like you have power over people.

Seeing your own child be born is such a magical and wonderful experience. It is probably best if you have a good reason to deny the father of such an experience other than the fact you want to be selfish.

This was not directed at anyone, just expressing my opinion in general. Obviously how comfortable you are applies, but I already explained why there are extenuating circumstances when it comes to the father of the baby.

Since this is a pointless discussion (everyone has their opinion) i am going to unsubscribe from this thread and never look back. Good luck to you OP and I hope you make all the right choices.

 

[baymax]

Thank you all for your feedback. I think I'd be fine with having him there before and right after the birth, just not during (or the 'pushing' part). I still have to discuss it with him, but I'm glad he at least doesn't have a legal right to be in the room. I just don't know what to say if he gets angry, but he's not the one who has to give birth is he :L I would just feel so so uncomfortable if he insisted on being there.

Kiwiberry, I don't know if you'll see this, but thanks for your opinion, posting in a thread like this means all opinions are welcome. Although I don't entirely agree with what you've written (I don't believe that my reasons for me not wanting him to be there are selfish, they are in fact about comfort and are entirely about our situation. Even if they were selfish, I think that mum gets to be a bit selfish during labour since it's her who has to do it xD)

 

[Triocd]

Whoever will make you feel most comfortable!

 

[marielou11]

I know someone who had practically her whole family (sister, mum, MIL, SIL & OH). I just had my husband both times and this time we'll do the same. That's all I felt comfortable with... I was hesitant about having hubby see me like that but I appreciated having him there in the end. It's really up to you, you're the one doing the birthing!! xx

 

[cupcakekate]

Just my husband both times

 

[lam_76]

I just had my mum. My oh would have loved to be there but thanks to the uk government he couldn't. He needs a visa to come into the uk as he is from pakistan and i don't earn enough to sponsor him and he couldn't get a visitor visa as they didn't believe he would go back. In hindsight i was glad my mum was there as she kept me calm, i don't think oh would have done the same and i don't think he would have coped well seeing me in pain, he's bad enough when i have a cold! If we are lucky enough to have another lo i would hope that oh would be here but i would leave it up to him whether he wanted to be there or not but i would definitely want my mum there! If my mum couldn't have come i would have gone myself, i wouldn't have asked a friend as i wouldn't have felt comfortable.

 

[Rhio92]

I had just FOB for my son's birth, I wanted my mum there but he said no (he's a prick ).

This time, OH will be there x

 

[paintrider89]

I had my mom and DH the whole time. Best decision ever. DH was as supporting and tried to be helpful, but he was completely out of his element. My mom was on top of it, helping me with small reminders and communicating my wishes (I wanted skin to skin, but the nurse dressed DD, my mother told them what I wanted and got her in dressed for me)

 

[zebbed89]

I only had my oh with my daughter and it will be the same this time round! It just felt right just us two it's one moment we will always have shared just us two. X

 

[LucyLadyBug]

Sadly still waiting to try for my first, but most likely just my two partners. I like the idea of having a doula, but am not keen on the room getting crowded, but one of my partners who already works in the healthcare industry has already volunteered to do a doula course privately closer the time. And both will be coming to all the prenatally type stuff.

Me and my mum have very clashing personalities and she is one of the last people i'd want near me when giving birth.