Who holds the baby?

[Foogirl]

In NNICU and SCBU, different hospitals have different policies around who gets to hold the babies. Some restrict it to parents only and others allow anyone with the parents permission. I've been asked to get views from parents, by a hospital thinking of changing from parents only, to allow grandparents to hold the baby. Which policy would you prefer and why?

 

[dizz]

When we were on there only parents were even allowed through the doors - no siblings, no grandparents - nothing... not even any leeway for my MIL who'd come down from the Isle of Skye to see her grandaughter before she had to take a flight home. Wasn't even asking for a cuddle - just her to SEE her! It really annoyed me tbh - yet another example of the whole "your child isn't your child but the property of the NHS" experience.

 

[Foogirl]

is she no very big and awfully shy......

(Sorry, got that song in my head now)

Where are you Dizz? Sounds awfully restrictive!

 

[25weeker]

I have said other because I think in NICU it should be parents only due to infections and usually at this time you are lucky to get one hold a day so shouldn't be with anyone else.

In HDU / SCBU I think there should be some flexibility allow grandparents as they are much stronger then.

The nurse allowed my MIL to hold Holly when she was about 38 weeks gestation. It was their 40th wedding anniversary and I thought it would be a lovely present for her as they were extremely supportive to us. After Rebecca's funeral they allowed my mum, sister, nephew (he was 19), my 2 BILs & SIL all hold her but we were due to room in with her the next day anyway so think that is probably why and also they knew it had been a hard day for us all.

 

[AP]

Let's forget I'm not an in law fan for a moment.

I still believe it should be parents only for infection control. I also think there's plenty of time when baby comes home, they werent meant to be born til later after all.
Being away from mum and dad so much I think it's important that handling is limited to parents too.

We had the choice (errr I think?) but we never did let anyone else hold Alexpants. Didn't mind a wee alcohol rubbed hand hold here and there but I thought looking was enough for others.

There are also some parents who probably would like a "parents only" thing as its easy to let people push in when you've been kicked down

 

[Srrme]

We were allowed to say who held our babies, but we never let anyone else hold them in the NICU. Too scared of infection.

 

[SabrinaKat]

I put grandparents and parents, but in our case, due to the winter vomiting bug, access in NICU and neonatal was for parents only. We would have let my MIL see our LO, especially when he was transferred to neonatal, but she understood completely and it made it easier for us, e.g. to have that time for me to recover from pre-eclampia and for Finn to recover from an emcs, etc.

I also think that perhaps, if you're looking for a particular policy framework, allowing 'grandparents' to visit at a certain time, e.g. from 2-4 and then, restricting to parents otherwise might be a good idea.

best wishes

 

[EmSmith1980]

I have said parents only. Mainly because I felt physically sick when my mum and Williams mum held Anya (more so Williams mum as I am no in law fan either). No one was "meant" to be holding her till Feb (was born in oct), so no one got to touch her until after her due date. Every single cuddle was precious to William and I, and I wanted us to be the only ones to be able to have that special experience. Even now at 22 months (18 corrected), I'm funny with people holding her.

Also for infection control. When you've waited so long, and you are so close to getting them home, and then they start having bradys and desating due to having a cold, it doesn't feel good at all. Xx

 

[dizz]

I would have liked to have had the flexibility for special circumstances (like I say - my MIL had come down from the Scottish Islands and had to head back) for grandparents to at least SEE her - would have probably dodged the holding thing a bit (especially remembering the theatrics when she DID see her about her size... bursting into tears didn't make me feel particularly wonderful about my flipping daughter).

It was more the snarky attitude I got from the staff - there was an utter aura throughout our stay of "this is not your child, they belong to the NHS and we'll make sure we remind you of that" in how they answered the issue that got me. (But then it's well known I hate our NICU for how they treated us)

 

[Foogirl]

Sabrina, there are some units which only allow other visitors at visiting time. Many parents are not keen on it as often it is "other" visitors who take mum up to the unit if dad is back at work and mum can't drive, especially after surgery. This can mean the driver has to wait outside while mum has a visit which is an added pressure.

I think what's clear is there is definitely not a once size fits all (or most) But bearing in mind that having a policy doesn't mean grandparents HAVE to hold the baby, could it be a solution that the parents get to make the choice? After all, grandparents don't actually have to be told what the policy is.

 

[toothfairyx]

I've been at 2 different neonatals who both had similar policies. Parents at any time but there were limits on how many round beds. In both visitors were only allowed in with a parent so any holding of the baby would be the choice of the parent and that is how it should be. My mother smokes and there is no way I would have allowed her to hold either of my 2 in hospital and would have gone berserk if the hospital had allowed it.

 

[AP]

That's another concern - it depends on how the Unit operates its visiting policy. I know that here at ERI anyone can visit without a parent as long as the have a visitors pass. This means visitors could cuddle baby too. Obviously this boils down to the parent allowing who gets the passes but it leaves a bit of vulnerability, and unfortunatly there are some mad keen relatives out there who won't let on if they have a cold etc just to see baby. It happens

 

[25weeker]

That's another concern - it depends on how the Unit operates its visiting policy. I know that here at ERI anyone can visit without a parent as long as the have a visitors pass. This means visitors could cuddle baby too. Obviously this boils down to the parent allowing who gets the passes but it leaves a bit of vulnerability, and unfortunatly there are some mad keen relatives out there who won't let on if they have a cold etc just to see baby. It happens

Atomicpink - when we were there although anyone could visit they didn't allow anyone but us parents touch holly when she was in Nicu. My SiL went to touch Holly's hand and got told she wasn't allowed. Even when in scbu we had to ask them could they let my mil hold her as a surprise for her 40th wedding anniversary and they hmmm a bit before saying yes. She was 37 weeks gestation when we asked.

 

[katy1310]

That's another concern - it depends on how the Unit operates its visiting policy. I know that here at ERI anyone can visit without a parent as long as the have a visitors pass. This means visitors could cuddle baby too. Obviously this boils down to the parent allowing who gets the passes but it leaves a bit of vulnerability, and unfortunatly there are some mad keen relatives out there who won't let on if they have a cold etc just to see baby. It happens

Atomicpink - when we were there although anyone could visit they didn't allow anyone but us parents touch holly when she was in Nicu. My SiL went to touch Holly's hand and got told she wasn't allowed. Even when in scbu we had to ask them could they let my mil hold her as a surprise for her 40th wedding anniversary and they hmmm a bit before saying yes. She was 37 weeks gestation when we asked.

I think Sophie was 37 weeks when I asked if my parents could hold her as well, and the nurse wasn't all that keen to let them but she did in the end. She was in HDU but due to go into SCBU in the next couple of days. I would say parents only in NICU, and then just parents and grandparents after that, but at the discretion of the parents.

 

[lozzy21]

Id say any one with the parents permission. Its my baby so i should be the one who gets a say over who can and cannot hold her. Our hospital has the policy that parents can come and go as they please but other visitors have set times, they can only be 3 around the cot and one of them must be a parent so other visitors cant just come and hold your baby while your not there.

Niamh was just in for jaundice so needed to be in the cot as much as possible so holding was limited to feeding only so no one but me or OH was going to do that but had she been in as a feeder and grower id have had no problem with people cuddling her aslong as hands had been washed and they were not ill. I dont think it should be grandparents only since id much rather my best friend hold her than my MIL!

I can remember visiting my best friends LO in special care, she was a feeder and grower. My friend has arthritis and was feeling unsteady on her feet after the birth so she asked me if i would pass her LO out of the cot to her, i did it and a nurse tried to give her a gobfull about how i couldn't do that, My friend went ape at her and asked the nurse who she though she was to say who could and couldn't touch her child there was no medical reason why i couldn't touch her. She had asked for help before and got left waiting while they sat and chatted about tv so if there was some one there to help her then she was going to use them. The nurse dident say anything again.

 

[AP]

That's another concern - it depends on how the Unit operates its visiting policy. I know that here at ERI anyone can visit without a parent as long as the have a visitors pass. This means visitors could cuddle baby too. Obviously this boils down to the parent allowing who gets the passes but it leaves a bit of vulnerability, and unfortunatly there are some mad keen relatives out there who won't let on if they have a cold etc just to see baby. It happens

Atomicpink - when we were there although anyone could visit they didn't allow anyone but us parents touch holly when she was in Nicu. My SiL went to touch Holly's hand and got told she wasn't allowed. Even when in scbu we had to ask them could they let my mil hold her as a surprise for her 40th wedding anniversary and they hmmm a bit before saying yes. She was 37 weeks gestation when we asked.

I think Sophie was 37 weeks when I asked if my parents could hold her as well, and the nurse wasn't all that keen to let them but she did in the end. She was in HDU but due to go into SCBU in the next couple of days. I would say parents only in NICU, and then just parents and grandparents after that, but at the discretion of the parents.

Even touching her? ooooooh I think a few touched her hand
Dammit why was i not told! I was never comfortable, from an infection point of view tbh

 

[Sam182]

Our hospital only allowed my DH and I to hold or touch Alexander. Close relatives were allowed to visit but the rule was two to a bed (incubator) at all times. My mum spent 4 days a week by his bedside with me whilst DH was at work and he wasn't once allowed to even touch alexanders hand

 

[Foogirl]

Just to clarify, the unit thinking of changing the policy would only allow it with the parent's permission. Most units don't allow visitors without the parents being there.