Why did I even bother apologizing? (RANT!)

[lcmorla]

Some of you might be aware that my MIL jokingly called my unborn daughter a bitch. I got upset, as any mother would. She apologized but I wasn't ready to accept it just yet. Then she continued messaging me, going off subject talking about the tragic death of her other Son and her depression. This was about 3 weeks ago. Now I'm feeling bad for getting upset, I don't want our relationship to be so ugly since her Son means so much to me and so I ended up apologizing for being upset. She's totally ignored my message and my apology and now I totally regret it! OMG

 

[babifever]

How long has it been since you apologized? Is she a fast responder?

 

[CamoQueen]

If a few days went by without response, I'd probably be upset. But to be fair, I just ended a friendship with a friend that completely blew up when I didn't respond to his email apology... a little over 3 hours later. Didn't even wait a day, just went totally off the rails. In truth? I was busy and wasn't sure how to respond so was thinking it through when I got his new reply about how shit I was for not even responding. Just crazy stuff.

Honestly, the best thing is if she accepts your apology. I don't think you needed to apologize as you didn't do anything wrong, and what she said was offensive. But realize that once you've apologized, it's out there. She should respond but she isn't obligated to, IYKWIM? If it were me I'd try and let it go for now because it's not worth the stress and the drama. Get your mind on other things and try to unwind until you hear back from her.

 

[lcmorla]

She deleted me from Facebook after she pressed for forgiveness but I was unwilling to. That was 3 weeks ago. A few days ago, my OH had mentioned that once baby is here, he's going to want his Mother to babysit. Obviously, he loves his Mother and as much as I don't care about her being in my life, I think it would make him happy if we were on good terms. I sent the message yesterday and it's been marked as read. She doesn't do anything with her life but drink alcohol and talk about how depressed she is. Oh and did I mention how she goes on FB to start drama?

 

[tulip1975]

He wants his mother to babysit when she's an alcoholic?

 

[lcmorla]

He's crazy just like his Mom

 

[noon_child]

We don't apologise to get the other person to say "That's OK", we do it because it's the right thing to do. I don't really feel like you needed to apologise, but now you have you can just accept you were the better person and act normally and get on with your life. She's not going to risk losing her son over a stupid feud with you so forget about it and move on.

 

[CamoQueen]

Well with that new information, she honestly sounds petty and awful! What grown woman deletes their DIL from their facebook because of a disagreement??? That's so childish. Someone who would do that probably isn't likely to let the whole thing go if she feels slighted, even after you apologized. Best to be content in the knowledge that you did the bigger thing, let it go, and keep your distance from your MIL for a while. You're already pregnant, God knows you don't need any more stress!

 

[lcmorla]

I also tried to readd when I sent the apology message but it looks like she has denied my request!! this is so ugly. I really don't like the fact that I don't have a good relationship with my mil. Oh well!!!

 

[lcmorla]

Doesn't she seem incredibly childish?! she's like 30Years older than me but she acts like she's freakin 5 years.oh I don't want to be your friend because you got mad at me for calling your daughter a bitch!

 

[calm81]

I remember your original thread about this subject matter.

This woman or should I say immature brat isn't worth the stress that it's putting on you and your baby. As for babysitting, I wouldn't allow her to babysit if she's an alcoholic and if your OH doesn't agree then I would want to re-evaluate his role as a parent to this unborn baby if he's okay with someone drunk watching his child.

My MIL is so passive aggressive it's to the point where I act oblivious to it now. She did the whole delete me off Facebook thing without me knowing I did ANYTHING WRONG, one minute she was on my friends list the next I wasn't able to see her post anymore. Then she's all apple pie and rainbows to my face. My DH family are all weird and jump on everything I do in my life, so I detached emotionally from them. Don't care who they are anymore.

You shouldn't have apologized. That just enabled her behavior. She thinks she can get away with anything she wants now. What's done is done now, and you can't take back your apology. The only thing you can do is to not let this effect you anymore. Just you and your child from here on out, and if your OH decides to grows some balls, he can be apart of it also.

I'm sorry if I'm coming off too salty, but I just feel bad for your situation and can somewhat relate to it. It hurts when people take advantage of kind hearted people like you and I.

 

[lcmorla]

Thank you so much for the support @calm81!

I can't get it out of my mind. It's bothering me so much. I messaged her "Thanks for deleting me from FB and thanks for denying my friend request" just to let it be known that it bothers me. She replies with "I don't need Princess Snowflake ragging on me" WHAT?! She's totally manipulating the situation and it's scary. If she can say that now, what is she going to say when my Daughter is here. Is she going to try and turn my own Daughter away from me?

My OH is another story. He's not defending me or his Daughter. I'm 90% sure I want to leave. I have a very large welcoming family in California who will happily take in me and my Daughter until I get my life back together. It just sucks that she's not going to have her Father around but it might be what's best for her and I.

I'm truly lost.

 

[calm81]

Thank you so much for the support @calm81!

I can't get it out of my mind. It's bothering me so much. I messaged her "Thanks for deleting me from FB and thanks for denying my friend request" just to let it be known that it bothers me. She replies with "I don't need Princess Snowflake ragging on me" WHAT?! She's totally manipulating the situation and it's scary. If she can say that now, what is she going to say when my Daughter is here. Is she going to try and turn my own Daughter away from me?

My OH is another story. He's not defending me or his Daughter. I'm 90% sure I want to leave. I have a very large welcoming family in California who will happily take in me and my Daughter until I get my life back together. It just sucks that she's not going to have her Father around but it might be what's best for her and I.

I'm truly lost.

"Princess Snowflake"? Where does she get off? She's obviously too toxic to have around your impressionable daughter. Your OH is clearly a momma's boy and has no respect for you. I'm so glad you have a strong support system that will be open arms for you and your little one. I'd seriously take happy California family to surround my kid than this Negative Nancy.

My DH's family feeds off of drama and I can tell that my other two kids feel the negative vibe they give off because they are so tense when we visit his family and as soon as we walk in the door at my parents home or other family members it's so chill and relaxing. Everyone sits around and cracks innocent jokes at each other and my kids can help themselves to the "fun fridge" where grandma loaded it up an old fridge with snacks "just for the grand kiddies." So much love in the air for the kids to feel. Not Dh's stressful, and tense household.

I definitely understand your situation, keep venting if you need--I'm here sista!

"It just sucks that she's not going to have her Father around but it might be what's best for her and I." To respond to your statement here, sometimes it's better to keep a child away from a father that doesn't keep her best interest in mind. Let him be the "cool father" that sends birthday gifts in the mail and let her be around real father figures.

 

[lcmorla]

So I asked her how I'm ragging on her and why she hates me and she responded with, it makes me laugh, "goddamn bitch. I only apologized per my son's request. If you knew how sick I was you'd die"

Off to California I go! Little did I know legal issues would come up if I were to wait until after baby is born to leave states because he doesn't want me or our Daughter to go. I just want to stay for the insurance. Hehe.

Such a mess!

 

[calm81]

Squeeze him for the insurance so the hospital debt won't fall on your credit report because that will be a large bill and you need your credit score good if you want to build a life for your daughter and you (unless you have cash to pay upfront for homes, cars etc) and have his insurance pay her post delivery check ups and all your post natal check ups. My mother taught me well on that one.

"It makes me laugh." <---Isn't she charming.


Play it cool with them until you get your finances or living situation in order so that they don't play any funny business before you have everything in order. Then OFF TO CALIFORNIA you go and buh-bye crazy's.

Emotional abuse while you're pregnant is not right. You poor thing.

VERY IMPORTANT: For custody reasons, document all the nasty Facebook messages she has sent you and anything negative by OH. This will show the judge that you have real reason to leave the state with your child, proving they're unstable and she's an alcoholic.